Winning Streaks and Resolutions: Civil War II #8

The following is my review of Civil War II #8, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Every major sports dynasty in every meaningful sport learns at some point that a winning streak has to end. Whether it's the Russians in the 1980 Winter Olympics, the undefeated New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, or the New York Yankees every five years or so, they learn that no winning streak can last forever. More often than not, learning that lesson is pretty painful.

In the context of Marvel Comics, Tony Stark is very much on par with the New York Yankees. He's been managing a winning streak that dates back to the conclusion of the first Civil War back in 2005. Within the Marvel/Disney hierarchy, he's right up there with princesses and talking animals in terms of importance and prominence. He's not just the character that revived Robert Downey Jr.'s career. He's very much the catalyst for the modern Marvel universe, as it has manifested over the past decade.

With Civil War II, he faces the biggest threat to his losing streak to date. Once again, he finds himself leading a team of heroes against another team of heroes, caught up in a powerful philosophical struggle on how heroes should conduct themselves. This time, it's not just Captain America or the American legal system he's up against. He's taking on Captain Marvel, who has a winning streak of her own, and the very forces that shape the future of the Marvel universe. Even with the star power of Robert Downey Jr., Tony Stark faces extreme odds.

He finally puts his vision and his winning streak on the line in Civil War II #8 for the final struggle. It has the fixings of a dramatic struggle, ripe with the same high emotions as Mark Millar's memorable narrative in the first Civil War. Unfortunately, those high emotions that worked so well for Millar end up falling much flatter with Bendis.

That's not to say that Civil War II #8 doesn't deliver in terms of drama and high emotions. Those factors are definitely in place and they do give the story plenty of weight. However, the actual mechanics of the story and the way everything gets resolved just come off as rushed and contrived. Nobody will be gasping for air or picking their jaw up off the floor with the big climax of the story here. The most anyone will probably do is shrug and sigh, but not necessarily in a bad way.

There are some powerful moments that play out here. These moments highlight the sheer strength and weight that Captain Marvel and Iron Man wield in the context of the current Marvel hierarchy. These are two of Marvel's most popular characters fighting over a conflict that Bendis made sure was every bit as balanced as the one Mark Millar molded in the first Civil War. The clash never feels like a glorified street fight or something that can be written off as a product of mind control, clones, or Skrull agents.

Captain Marvel and Iron Man are literally fighting for the future of the Marvel universe and their place in it. Over the course of that fight, it's clear that neither character harbors a seething hatred of the other. They don't insult each other. They don't engage in the kind of trash talk usually reserved for a rap battle. They carry themselves with the utmost conviction that they're right. They both believe they are the New York Yankees on the cusp of another championship.

In the end, only one can win out. Eventually, one does win out, albeit in an outcome that feels somewhat hollow. After all the high emotions that helped make Civil War II so impactful, from the first battle against a rogue Celestial to the death of Bruce Banner, the end result feels muted because the battle doesn't really resolve the main issue. In some respects, the issue resolves itself, which makes the conflict seem more trivial than it actually is.

Nothing that Captain Marvel and Iron Man do, either through fighting or through the hard choices they make, influences what happens to Ulysses. As the Inhuman who started this all, his role in the final conflict is surprisingly minimized, which really undermines the narrative. It's like Wolverine trying to win a fight without his claws. It is possible, but it lacks that a certain touch that gives the conclusion its satisfying feel.

Absent this satisfaction, the conclusion in Civil War II feels so rushed. If the conflict does affect Ulysses, it's an indirect influence at most and that influence is not really clear. Unlike the first Civil War, neither side gets a chance to really prove that their side was right. There's no way to actually put into practice all these the passionate arguments that Captain Marvel and Iron Man make throughout the conflict. They still fight, but they don't get to find out whose ideas actually win out.

Despite this lack of resolution, Civil War II still tries to establish a clear winner. It succeeds in this to some degree. It makes clear who comes out ahead and whose winning streak comes to an abrupt end. However, establishing the winner in the story doesn't necessarily explain why they're the winner in the first place. There's an argument to be made that nobody really won Civil War II. In the end, one person is still standing. That's more a technicality than a win, but it still counts. It's like a championship game ending in a tie, but one side still gets to act like a winner.

On the whole, Brian Michael Bendis and Oliver Copiel succeed on numerous levels in making Civil War II the same high-stakes, high-drama conflict as its predecessor. The heavy emotions and painful losses are there. The impact of those losses are felt. Civil War II #8 does nothing to underscore those emotions or those losses. The characters never feel insincere. There's never a sense that one of them could be a Skrull agent. The refinements are there. It's the overall resolution that's lacking.

One winning streak ends. Another winning streak continues. There are impacts, scars, and plenty of arguments to be had on message boards for years to come. In the grand scheme of things, Civil War II counts as a success. It's just not the kind of success that will make anyone less tired of superheroes fighting each other.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Ambitious Humanization: The Mighty Captain Marvel #0

The following is my review of The Mighty Captain Marvel #0, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Whenever there's a major war, it's only when the dust settles that we learn just how devastating the struggle really was. When wars end, there's usually a period of jubilation and celebration. The victors throw parades in the streets. The losers, while defeated and devastated, can at least let out a sigh of relief, knowing the bloodshed is over. That feeling, much like a victory parade, is often temporary. Nobody gives much thought to those who must clean up after that parade, figuratively and literally.

Captain Marvel is, by all accounts, on a winning streak. Ever since Kelly Sue DeConnick elevated her to the status of Marvel's Wonder Woman, Carol Danvers keeps jumping from victory to victory. Whether she's holding down multiple solo titles or inspiring new generations of heroes in Kamala Khan, it's pretty clear that she's doing okay for herself. Now with Brie Larson's star power and a movie set to debut in 2019, she's well on her way to carving her face on the Mount Rushmore of superheroes.

This ascension, however, is not without cost. No superhero ever became iconic or got to carve a giant statue of themselves without pushing a little harder and upsetting a few fans in the process. The narrative in Civil War II definitely checks all the boxes in terms of putting a price on Captain Marvel's ascension. It put her in a position to be either vindicated or vilified with very little gray area in between. As a result, she's no longer this universally praised symbol of girl power. She's a walking message board of controversy.

This presents a unique challenge for Margaret Stohl in The Mighty Captain Marvel #0. With the dust settling from Civil War II, what does this mean for Captain Marvel moving forward? How does she continue her ascent into that special place usually reserved for Captain America, Spider-Man, or any other hero that ever appeared on a lunch box? Stohl addresses this challenge by making a concerted effort to humanize Carol Danvers. For the most part, she succeeds.

The Mighty Captain Marvel #0 isn't built around the tried and true formula of having Captain Marvel punch, blast, and flex her way through a threat. For her story and her character to gain greater complexity, the plot needs more substance than style. The substance here paints a different, but intriguing picture of who Carol Danvers is and where she's at right now.

Civil War II effectively forced Captain Marvel to into a difficult role and in many respects, she still clings to parts of that role, even though it costs her some close friends. Stohl makes it a point to emphasize how much Captain Marvel wants to confront dangers before they blow up in someone's face. In the Marvel Universe, where everything from Thanos to talking ducks can randomly show up, this is not entirely misguided.

That element is key to making The Mighty Captain Marvel #0 work. It's also key in making Captain Marvel a balanced character. She never comes off as arrogant, angry, or petty. Stohl goes to considerable lengths to show how the outcome of Civil War II really haunts Carol, so much so that she's battling intense nightmares and crippling insomnia. Sure, she can deal with these issues by punching asteroids and arm-wrestling She-Hulk, but it still torments her. The very human side of her still shows.

This human side is emphasized far more than her Kree side. This makes the story work because it creates a conflict for Captain Marvel that she can't solve through punching. This requires her to use coping skills that ordinary humans who can't punch asteroid actually use. She enlists the aid of a therapist. She reaches out to her closest friends, namely Spider-Woman. She tries burying herself in her work. These are all skills that both a superhero and an overworked high school teacher can use.

This goes a long way towards humanizing Captain Marvel. She's more vulnerable here than she's ever been in a situation that didn't involve Thanos or a raging Hulk. However, that vulnerability never becomes too overplayed. When humanizing a character, it's easy to fall into the same trap that many Disney princesses stumble into. They become vulnerable so they either start crying or break out into song. Carol Danvers never does that here. Instead, she tries to grit her teeth and push forward. It's the kind of tactic that would've made Frozen and Brave a much shorter movie.

The humanization and vulnerability bring out the best in Captain Marvel, but it also highlights some of her flaws. Anybody who didn't side with her in Civil War II probably isn't going to side with her after reading The Mighty Captain Marvel #0. She never apologizes for doing what she did. While the loss of her friends haunts her, she doesn't regret the decisions that led to those losses. It creates a strange mix of tension within the character that's difficult to resolve.

That tension plays out in a narrative that isn't always cohesive. One minute, Captain Marvel is dishing out orders with Alpha Flight to aid in alien refugees. The next, she's in a diner with Spider-Woman in need of a hug. The sequence of events is a little choppy, but it never becomes chaotic. Emilio Laiso's artwork also does a lot to highlight the dramatic moments that gives this issue its impact.

For those wanting to see Carol Danvers punch and blast things in a large-scale cosmic conflict, The Mighty Captain Marvel #0 will be a disappointment. That isn't the story Stohl tries to tell here. Those looking for a story that builds on the dramatic shifts Carol endures during Civil War II will find plenty to appreciate in this issue. Any punching or blasting she does is just a bonus.

In many respects, this comic acts as an epilogue for Civil War II. Carol Danvers is such an ambitious character, wanting to do more than just tie up villains and throw them in front of police stations after they've committed a heinous crime. That ambition shows in both her ability to punch things and her desire to ensure the danger doesn't punch back. It sets her apart from many heroes and Brie Larson would be wise to reference The Mighty Captain Marvel #0 in preparing for this role.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Heritage, Identity, and Idols: Ms. Marvel #12

The following is my review of Ms. Marvel #12, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

What happens when our idols fail us? That's a question we have to answer more and more these days when all it takes is an embarrassing tweet to undermine a reputation. Our idols may elevate themselves to levels most ordinary people can only dream of, but at the end of the day, they're still human. Sometimes, that humanity can make reality feel like a gut punch from the Hulk.

Over the course of Civil War II, Kamala Khan endured multiple gut punches from multiple proverbial Hulks. Her best friends push her away. Her idol, not to mention the inspiration for her life as a hero, betrays her ideals. On top of all this, she's still a Muslim-American teenage girl in Jersey City, dealing with all the messy complications that entails. Most teenagers have to make up excuses to be miserable and angsty. Kamala Khan needs none.

While the conflict in Civil War II is still unresolved, Ms. Marvel #12 skips a few steps to deal with the impact this conflict had on Kamala. It's an impact that affects every aspect of her life, from her role as a superhero to her role as a teenage girl trying to live her life in a world where Hulks die and famous Avengers are Hydra agents. There are all sorts of dynamics in play for this narrative, but it comes back to a central theme that further highlights all the things that make Kamala Khan so lovable.

That theme is true whether someone is Pakistani, American, Wakandan, Bolivan, Swiss, Russian, or Chinese. As teenagers, the biggest challenge after surviving high school and puberty is finding a place in the world where they fit in. Not fitting in is to a teenager what an arc reactor is to an Iron Man suit. It's a key component that powers someone's identity. Throughout Ms. Marvel #12, it's clear that Kamala's identity is in a state of uncertainty.

It's not enough for Kamala to just sulk in her room, as many teenagers are prone to do after a few very bad days. This isn't just failing a test, being dumped by a boyfriend, or getting on Maria Hill's bad side. This involves ditching the Avengers, watching her best friend abandon, and losing her faith in her idol. For this reason, she decides to get away. She decides to visit her family in Pakistan, if only to get away from SHIELD Helicarriers and Iron Man sightings.

It makes for some strong personal moments that explore Kamala's Pakistani heritage. For much of Ms. Marvel's brief history, a big part of her struggles involve being a Pakistani-American girl in Jersey City. The Pakistani part of that heritage easily gets lost when that struggle ties in with Avengers, Jersey City traffic, and American high schools. Ms. Marvel #12 goes out of its way to highlight the importance of this heritage to Kamala Khan's identity.

Her family, her culture, and her home country all contribute to giving Kamala Khan a break from secret identities, proactive justice, and superhero civil wars. Kamala literally has everything she needs to clear her head. She has her family's love, the hospitality of her home country, and no Hellicarriers in sight. She should be as relaxed as Captain America at a 4th of July parade.

Unfortunately, it's not enough. All this love, support, and hospitality is still not enough to make Kamala feel less broken. It's somewhat fitting in that it's symbolic of how many teenagers struggle. They can have all the right support from their home, their family, and their culture, but they'll still find a way to feel miserable and broken. In terms of the things that make being a teenager so terrible, it exceeds acne and standardized tests.

Much of Ms. Marvel #12 is spent establishing Kamala's life and heritage in Pakistan, but in the end she still goes back to being Ms. Marvel. She still sees injustice in the world and feels inclined to become a hero. It's a testament to the kind of character Kamala Khan is at heart. She can be broken, upset, and lost as any angst-ridden teenager in any part of the world. She'll still feel inclined to be a hero when a hero is needed.

Her heroics, in this case, are fairly basic. She gets to fight a kind of injustice that isn't typical in the streets of Jersey City. In the process, she meets another Pakistani hero named The Red Dagger who has the luxury of not being so torn. His presence lowers the stakes somewhat in that it lessens the need for Ms. Marvel's heroics. She still helps, but there's never a sense that her contributions are needed.

As such, there isn't much depth to this fight or any of the action in Ms. Marvel #12. G. Willow Wilson doesn't attempt to make it more epic than it needs to be. This issue is about Kamala Khan more than it is about Ms. Marvel. It succeeds in developing other, unexplored aspects of Kamala's character. It doesn't succeed quite as much in developing Ms. Marvel as a hero in the post-Civil War II world. However, developing both may be asking a bit too much of a teenage character.

The primary theme of the issue still works. The underlying message is both clear and relevant. Kamala Khan is in a state of transition. Like many struggling teenagers who don't understand or even want to understand the complexities of the real world, she struggles to find her place in it. She's still torn and conflicted, but Ms. Marvel #12 establishes that she's still a hero. More than anything else, she'll still strive to be a hero. With her idol having failed her, she's going to be that hero on her terms and it's hard not to cheer her on.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Infighting With Underdogs: Civil War II: X-men #4

The following is my review of Civil War II: X-men #4, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

A balanced conflict goes a long ways towards crafting a compelling narrative. While it is possible for an arm-wrestling context between the Hulk and Howard the Duck to be entertaining, it's not a struggle that's going to be all that interesting. Civil War II goes to great lengths to create a conflict in which the divisions between characters are genuine, understandable, and intriguing. It's as balanced as any conflict can be and it doesn't even need time travel, magic, or deals with Mephisto.

Creating a balanced conflict in Civil War II: X-men is already a challenge. Before Civil War II even begins, the X-men and the entire mutant race are stuck playing a rigged game while handicapped. They're on the brink of extinction yet again. They're despised, sterilized, and a good chunk of their top characters are either dead, time displaced, or holdovers from an apocalyptic universe. Even by underdog standards, the X-men are depleted in terms of what they can bring to a conflict.

This makes the tone of Civil War II: X-men so distinct compared to other tie-ins. The X-men already lost one war against the Inhumans. Now, they have Ulysses, whose precognition powers may as well be cheat codes. Cullen Bunn goes to great lengths drawing the lines between the X-men, crafting some level of balance between those who want to work with the Inhumans and those who feel they have one too many advantages at this point. Civil War II: X-men #4 maintains that balance for the most part, but doesn't take it far enough.

There's nothing elaborate or subtle about the narrative. This final clash between Magneto's team and Storm's team is effectively streamlined into a single, simple clash. It's light on drama, but solid on details. Andrea Broccardo's art makes this clash visually engaging and well-organized. Mutant battles tend to get chaotic, but since this one doesn't involve time travelers, it's a lot easier to follow.

While the infighting makes up the bulk of the story, it's Magneto who gives the narrative some personal dimensions. More than any other character in this tie-in, he establishes himself as a hardened realist. He now operates on a level that's several steps beyond the debate between his vision and Charles Xavier's dream. He sees the mutant issue as a struggle for survival now and the Inhumans are actively undermining that survival. Giving them an advantage at this point would be tantamount to running up the score.

This emphasis on survival and fighting those who undermine it isn't knew for Magneto. What Civil War II: X-men #4 does is frame it in a new context, one that makes the infighting among the X-men feel somewhat misguided. In this context, Magneto's approach is actually more understandable than Storm's in a backwards sort of way.

Storm wants to work with the Inhumans just like Charles Xavier wanted to work with the human race. However, the conflict with the Inhumans is a bit more specific. A cloud that they unleashed is killing an entire race and they refuse to do anything about it. Working with them has produced little to no tangible results. This makes Storm's efforts to coordinate with them seem misguided. Her heart is in the right place, as it often is, but it disrupts the fragile balance of the conflict that makes the Civil War II narrative work.

This balance is somewhat restored once Magneto gets a chance to interact with Ulysses. This ends up being far more meaningful than any interaction he could have with Storm. The discussion they share is significant in that it forces Magneto to re-evaluate his tactics. However, this meaningful interaction ends up leading to a bland and inconsequential conclusion.

There aren't any meaningful changes that emerge from this clash between Magneto's team and Storm's team. Once Magneto meets Ulysses, the battle just ends. There are no major scars. There are no serious injuries that can't be treated with off-panel magic and bed rest. There aren't even any major consequences to lies, betrayals, and deception. The characters just shrug it off, as though it happens every other week.

What makes this outcome somewhat palatable is the context behind it. Magneto, being a cold and callous pragmatist at heart, sees how this conflict will play out and quite literally. The only way to make sure that he's in a position to protect his people and take on the Inhumans again down the line is to just swallow his pride and leave. It's an inglorious way to end a conflict, but it's perfectly in line with who Magneto is and why he does what he does.

That's not to say there isn't some kind of meaningful impact in Civil War II: X-men #4. It does add more bricks to the foundation on which the X-men and Inhumans will clash down the line. It also supplements some of the ongoing tensions within the teams, such as Magneto and Psylocke. These bits and pieces of progress aren't enough to give the overall story enough weight. It still feels like an overblown round of infighting that doesn't amount to much.

In the ongoing debate between aiding the Inhumans and fighting them, the balance may very well be too fragile to function. Civil War II: X-men #4 only reinforces the inevitability of another clash between these two teams. It also further proves that such a clash may not be a balanced one. At the end of the day, one side still has its movie rights. The other is tied up with another studio. Even with X-men being the ultimate underdogs, it doesn't feel like a fight that'll benefit them in any way.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Civil War II: X-men #4: Nuff Said!

If you're playing Call of Duty and you know there's an asshole on the opposing squad who's cheating, your first inclination is to either do something about it or call the kid's mother a whore. As human beings, we do value fairness to some degree. Unless we all get to cheat, we get pissed and want to see the cheaters punished, shamed, and humiliated. Unfortunately, Marvel is willing to give a past to a group of Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners.

They now have Ulysses, a precog who can win every fantasy sports league without breaking a sweat. He's already saving the world and getting other heroes killed. Now, some in the X-men are a bit uncomfortable with the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners gaining even more of an edge. They've already got their own country. Their fart cloud is sterilizing mutants and exiling them to a fucking demon realm. That shit just isn't fair in the slightest and Magneto is trying to do something about that.

The odds are against him though and some X-men are actually willing to team up with the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. How sad is that? Civil War II: X-men #4 doesn't promise much fairness, but it has Magneto doing what he does best. The fact it's easier to root for him over Storm really says something.

Why is Magneto so easy to root for? Well, Storm and her people are hiding out in a fucking demon realm while the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners' big green fart cloud roams the Earth, maiming their fellow mutants. Magneto is confronting the source of that big fucking fart cloud. Which one do you think is being more proactive?

With Rachel Grey's help, he fights his way through New Attilan like a motherfucking boss. Rachel tries to tell him that these people don't hate him like he thinks. However, she also fails to give a damn good reason why they're not doing jack shit about the big fucking fart cloud that's maiming their entire species. Yet they're still considered fucking heroes? If I were Magneto, I'd shit in every one of their sinks just to send a message. Sadly, he doesn't have time for that. He has to get to Ulysses, who naturally expects his arrival. He's a fucking precog. He probably knows how much the Cleveland Browns will lose by this Sunday.

While Magneto is busy taking the fight to the asshole Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners who are butchering the mutant race, Storm and her team are busy fighting their fellow X-men. Seriously, I'm very uncomfortable rooting against Storm to this degree, but she's making it goddamn hard.

At the very least, she shows she can put up a damn good fight and Andrea Broccardo's art makes it a damn pretty sight. The problem is, she's fighting Arcangel. This guy is a fucking horseman of Apocalypse. He's supposed to bring war and death. A fucking thunderstorm may as well be pillow fight for him, minus the sexy co-eds. So of course he gets in a nasty shot that knocks Storm out of the sky and for once, it doesn't bother me. Again, I'm very uncomfortable with that feeling.

Cut to Old Man Logan beating up Sabretooth and just like that, I'm comfortable again. Throw in fights between Mystique and Psylocke, as well as Gambit and Fantomex, and there's something for everybody to enjoy. Mystique and Psylocke's battle makes my penis happy. Gambit and Fantomex's battle should make the gay crowd happy. So everyone's penis should find a reason to enjoy this on some levels and that's never a bad thing.

It's still X-men fighting X-men though. At a time when they're getting sterilized while Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners just laugh while jerking off from afar, this feels unproductive to say the least. Then again, it is part of a Civil War event. So if heroes weren't fighting heroes, then that would be flagrant false advertising. We get enough of that from pharmaceutical ads so I'm glad X-men aren't adding to it.

As this battle is going on, making everyone's penises very happy, Magneto finally confronts Ulysses. Keep in mind, this kid isn't a fighter. He's a fucking college kid who just became ground zero for the latest superhero shit storm. So standing in the shadow of fucking Magneto, a guy who will snap your neck with a goddamn smile if he thinks it'll protect the mutant race, is pretty damn terrifying.

Knowing this, Ulysses opts not to fight. I can't tell if he shit his pants, but I imagine he's resisting the urge with every ounce of strength. Instead, he tries to talk Magneto down. He claims he's not a weapon that'll be used against mutants. Then again, he's new to the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners so he probably doesn't know how few fucks they give about screwing over entire races. He also drops an ominous hint about how this shit will play out. If he has any cards at all to play, it's that he can see how Magneto's bullshit will screw him over.

Meanwhile, the battle with the rest of the X-men intensifies. Sabretooth and Old Man Logan bloody each other up a bit more. Nightcrawler kicks his mother in the face. Fantomex and Gambit rough each other up. It's standard, but satisfying. This isn't Cyclops and Wolverine fighting over an old pair of Jean Grey's panties. This is a fairly typical X-men vs. X-men clash. It's not Lord of the Rings epic, but it's not Weekend at Bernies cheap either.

It finally steps up a notch when Storm's team brings in some bigger guns. That includes O5 Jean Grey, Magik, and a Sentinel-packing Cerebra. This finally gives Storm's team a chance to ditch Magneto's team so they can catch up with him before he gives the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners another reason to sterilize them. Again, I still feel very odd rooting for Magneto at this point.

It seems like they're really going to fuck each other over, trying to stop Magneto from fighting the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. The concept alone just feels wrong, considering how fucked the mutant race already is. It doesn't look like it's going to turn out well for either side. If anything, it'll give the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners more reasons to laugh their ass off and jerk off with the blood of innocent mutants.

Then, this concept gets royally fucked when Ulysses shows Magneto one of his painfully accurate visions. In that vision, he sees just how much more he'll fuck over the mutant race by continuing this fight. It involves a dead Jean Grey, a dead Monet, a dead Iceman, and a dead Nightcrawler. It's pretty fucking terrible, but it also has a dead Beast so let's call it a push.

Either way, it gives Magneto enough pause to reconsider. He knows how annoyingly accurate this kid's visions can be. He also knows that any future that involves a dead Jean Grey tends to get fucked up real fast. While he may be a ruthless motherfucker with little love for Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners, he's a pragmatist at heart.

So he just leaves. That's right. That's how this clash ends. Magneto just shrugs his shoulders, curses under his breath, and fucking leaves. It's as anti-climactic as it sounds. At the same time, however, it makes the most sense. Like I said, he's a pragmatist. He doesn't just go on random mutant crusades because it gives him a boner. He likes his crusades to have a fucking point. He knows this one won't give him that. So he just leaves.

It makes for somewhat of an awkward moment between Rachel, who fought by Magneto's side, and Storm's Extraordinary team. Then again, she's in the presence of her time-displaced teenage mother. Awkward is kind of a moot point for her. She basically just asks as a buffer, keeping the two X-men teams from fucking each other up any further. They need to save their strength for when they get a chance to get back at the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. They'll need it.

Speaking of the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners, of which I've already said way too much about, Magneto does manage to get one last message to Queen Medusa, also known as the only redhead in comics I don't jerk off to. They have a brief, but tense conversation where Magneto makes one thing clear. The next time he shows up on their doorstep, he's not going to come hoping to share freshly baked cookies. He's going to come to end their bullshit once and for all. Medusa doesn't seem opposed to this in the slightest. I guess Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners don't care how many people they piss off at this point. They got fucking movie rights on their side. They have the advantage.

It's still a bit of a whimper to say the least. Pretty much nothing changes as a result of this clash. Magneto goes back to his base. Storm goes back to her. Storm doesn't even give Nightcrawler any shit for joining Magneto. Yet she still gives Cyclops all the shit in the world? How the fuck does that make any sense? Maybe she should've slept with him at some point. That might have made her more understanding. It worked with Emma Frost.

With Magneto, he's done enough shit for one day to convince Rachel that this isn't the crowd she wants to run with. He also earned himself a slap in the face from Psylocke. However, a slap from Psylocke is likely to give most men a boner so I'm not sure Magneto can say he lost too much. At the very least, he gets both teams of X-men geared up for the moment when they'll have to fight the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. Hopefully by then, they'll run out of reasons to blame this shit on Cyclops.

So...is it awesome?

Well, let me sum it up like this. Was it action packed? Fuck yeah. Was it entertaining and enjoyable? Fuck yeah. Was it somewhat anti-climactic at the end? Sadly, that's also a fuck yeah. At the very least, though, it was a fitting kind of anti-climax and outside a slasher flick, that's not usually a good thing. In this case, it works because it makes use of Ulysses' powers in just the right way. It also makes use of Magneto's tendency to not piss into the wind when he knows he can't win. He may be a ruthless motherfucker, but he's not stupid.

That lack of stupidity means that this clash could only end with a whimper and never a bang. That's kind of a drag, but it's not like the whole thing cut to a car insurance commercial or something. Some of the outcomes are forced. The fact that Storm just shrugs off Nightcrawler joining Magneto is pretty fucking ridiculous. If only traffic cops were that forgiving. It may improve my driving record, but it doesn't help this book. In the end, too much shit gets cut off in Civil War II #4 before any real drama emerged. Sure, it gets cut off for a damn good reason, but like neutered dogs, it comes at a price.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Requiem For The Green Goliath: Civil War II: The Fallen #1

The following is my review of Civil War II: The Fallen #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

What makes a defining moment so defining has little to do with the immediate impact it has on a story. That impact may be intense and memorable by every objective measure, but it's often just a prelude to the much larger conflicts that it inspires. Whether it's Doomsday killing Superman, the Joker crippling Barbara Gordon, or Tony Stark taking his first shot of tequila, these moments only become defining when that larger conflict takes shape.

Without question, the death of Bruce Banner is the defining moment for Civil War II. The impact of this moment creates the catalyst for the real meat of the story. After this moment, the lines are drawn, the divisions are set, and the hearts of Marvel's greatest heroes are pulled in opposite directions. It's the last straw for Tony Stark. It's that painful moment of clarity that only admitted alcoholics can appreciate.

There's no question that the death of the Hulk lit the match that ignited the powder keg that is Civil War II. However, in the midst of this raging inferno, it's easy to overlook the personal impact of the Hulk's death. Bruce Banner dies surrounded by friends and former teammates who knew him as more than just the oversized brute with anger-management issues.

That sentiment is understandably sidelined by the larger conflict in Civil War II, but Greg Pak and Mark Bagley attempt to explore that sentiment in Civil War II: The Fallen #1. That sentiment proves vital to delivering the dramatic impact of the Bruce Banner's death. It takes a step back from the legal, philosophical, and ethical debate surrounding proactive punishment and focuses solely on the emotions surrounding those closest to Hulk and Bruce Banner. There's nothing that'll overwhelm a message board here. There's just raw, genuine drama surrounding the death of a beloved friend.

There are no monster battles. There are no alien invasions. There are no homages to Bill Bixby walking solemnly down a highway. Civil War II: The Fallen #1 deals solely with the reactions among Bruce Banner's friends and family. Those reactions are not divorced from the larger context of Civil War II, but they are secondary. The primary focused here is the mixed legacy the Hulk leaves behind.

The bitter part of that mixture plays out at Bruce Banner's funeral. Whereas Bruce's friends and fellow heroes are on hand to honor his memory, there are plenty of protesters as well who still condemn the Hulk in death. This is an important context to include because it highlights the unique dimensions of the Hulk. It's a big part of what makes him unique among heroes. Plenty of heroes have green skin and big muscles. Few deal with the kinds of complications that the Hulk deals with, even when he isn't angry.

It's easy to forget that the Hulk's rampages can be pretty destructive. Given the enemies he deals with, his battles incur more collateral damage than most. In a world that includes shape-shifting aliens, uncontrollable mutant powers, and helicarrier that crash every other week, that's saying something. Unlike those destructive elements though, the Hulk is a singular face on which people can focus their blame. As any minority, real or fictional, can attest, it doesn't take much blame to inspire outrage.

Despite this outrage, Bruce Banner spends his life trying to make the Hulk a force for good. Those are the efforts that his friends and family honor. Throughout Civil War II: The Fallen #1, the darker parts of his legacy aren't ignored. Instead, they are seen in context, which isn't easy to do with a rampaging monster. It's a testament to Banner's efforts and it nicely highlights the sentiment of every character involved.

However, the funeral of Bruce Banner isn't what gives Civil War II: The Fallen #1 the bulk of its dramatic weight. It's the living will that Bruce shares with his friends and family after death that evoke the most emotion. It doesn't just involve his assets, his work, or his acknowledgement that his anger management skills had room for improvement. It involves creating a legacy that appropriately embodies the impact of the Hulk. Naturally, it has to do with anger.

It all comes back to anger and how to deal with it. For most people, including Hulk's own friends and family, dealing with anger doesn't result in the same consequences or collateral damage as him. As a result, he has to work harder than most. That means he has to master anger management techniques that cannot be found in self-help books or overpriced seminars. His efforts to share this mastery, as imperfect it may be, acts as his greatest legacy as the Hulk.

It's fitting in so many ways. How many problems in the real world and comic book world could be solved if people just managed their anger better? How many battles would that avoid? How many buildings would go un-smashed? It's the best legacy that Bruce Banner could've left. However, it resonates with some more than others.

As fitting and heartfelt as Bruce Banner's final testament may be, there are those who need more than better anger management skills. Amadeus Cho, who Pak is developing in Totally Awesome Hulk, does not take time to grieve like so many of Hulk's friends. For him, the sentiment in Civil War II: The Fallen #1 is hollow at best. He sees what happened to Bruce Banner as an injustice and that just makes him too angry.

Cho's reaction, as well as the reaction of others like General Ross, are somewhat muted at times. There are some inconsistencies in the narrative and with certain characterizations, but the underlying sentiment is spot on. The tone in Civil War II: The Fallen #1 is solemn, but appropriate. Pak and Bagley craft a fitting, heartfelt sendoff to the Green Goliath. For once, anger takes a back seat to a Hulk story and it works, creating far less collateral damage in the process.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Civil War II: X-men #3: Nuff Said!

Go back and watch the first Back to the Future movie. Then, imagine if Biff Tanner had been given steroids, a bag of crystal meth, and an AK-47. That should give you a good idea of what the Inhumans have going for them right now in the Marvel universe. Yes, these racist, xenophobic, slave-owning asshats are getting those kinds of benefits because Fox demands too many blowjobs for anything involving mutants. That's what the X-men are up against in Civil War II.

Now, the Inhumans have the ultimate edge in Ulysses, as if having Kamala Khan on their side wasn't enough. While he does help save Magneto and the Uncanny X-men team, there are still those who aren't all that comfortable with the Inhumans having this kind of weapon. Naturally, Magneto is one of them. Tragically, Storm still thinks there's benefits to teaming up with racist, xenophobic slave-owners who don't want to do shit about the poison fart cloud that's killing her people. I normally support storm in all things, but I really have a hard time standing by her on this one. I'm hoping Civil War II: X-men #3 will at least add some balance to the argument because I am not comfortable siding against a woman who can turn my asshole into a lightning rod.

In the spirit of balance, it helps to find someone who knows a thing or two about this shit. You know who has a good idea of what shitty futures feel like? Rachel Grey-Summers. Yep! The daughter of two founding members of the X-men comes from a pretty shitty future to say the least. She's basically a mutant-hunting bloodhound, albeit a very sexy mutant-hunting bloodhound. I'm just saying that if I'm going to be hunted and killed in an shitty future, I want it done by a pretty redhead and not some giant Inhuman fart cloud.

Why is Rachel Grey suddenly relevant? Well, at the end of the previous issue, Magneto is in need of a telepath and Psylocke currently trusts him about as much as she can jerk off to him. So he needs another telepath who's on her level. Rachel Grey's mother is a telepath so powerful she bitch-slapped Emma Frost and hogtied the Phoenix Force for years. She's got a damn good pedigree is what I'm saying.

Magneto tracks her down in London where she's reading some pretty sick thoughts and not of the Austin Powers variety. Apparently, dying mutants generate about as much concern as potholes and cheap wine. The minds Rachel reads are basically cut and pasted from Disney lawyers. They're eager to see every mutant in the world wiped out to make way for the racist, xenophobic slave-owners to take their place. Suddenly, I feel like strangling Austin Powers and pissing on his grave.

Naturally, it doesn't take much to convince Rachel to help Magneto. She's already from a shitty future. Now, the racist xenophobic slave-owners behind the mutant-killing fart cloud have Ulysses on their side. Magneto makes the perfectly logical point that mutants would not be this screwed, were it not for the racist xenophobic slave-owners. So of course Rachel Grey agrees to help him. In her future, the racist xenophobic slave-owners don't do shit to help anyone. Now they've got a fucking pre-cog on their side? That's like Donald Trump winning the fucking lottery.

It's one of the strangest, yet most intriguing parts of this series. Magneto is making the most sense. Again, let me say that more slowly. Magneto is making sense. Anyone who has been an X-men fan longer than a few years understands how fucked up that is. That's just the kind of world X-men live in now, thanks to racist xenophobic slave owners.

While Magneto is making sense and recruiting powerful telepaths from shitty futures, Storm makes some effort at a peaceful solution. She meets with the queen of the racist xenophobic slave-owners. It's admirable to some degree. Then, I remember that this is the same queen of the racist xenophobic slave-owners who doesn't do jack shit to help an entire race that's dying because of a big fucking fart cloud.

Never-the-less, there is a genuine effort here to provide balance to the debate. Storm and Medusa of the racist xenophobic slave-owners discuss the recent break-in of Fantomex, one of Magneto's top spies. The racist xenophobic slave-owners don't appreciate spies, even if it's from another race they're helping to exterminate. Storm points out that they helped with this. They didn't even ask the racist xenophobic slave-owners to step it up on the whole M-pox issue. They just did the right thing, hoping to avoid another shit storm with racist xenophobic slave-owners.

The conversation here is actually pretty dense. Cullen Bunn really digs into the personalities of both characters. Storm is a former queen. Medusa is an acting queen of the racist xenophobic slave-owners. They can relate to one another better than most. Hell, Old Man Logan would probably just try to bone her because she has red hair. Storm makes a genuine effort to avoid becoming enemies. She wants to be allies with racist xenophobic slave-owners. I'm not sure if that makes her hypocritical, but she's still sincere as she always is.

That said, she does show some frustration at some point. It's the first time Storm actually shows a little backbone against the racist xenophobic slave-owners. Instead of bitching about Cyclops and blaming everything on him, she actually gets hostile towards Medusa and her racist xenophobic slave-owners for the current state of mutants. What makes it remarkable is that it does work to some degree. Medusa agrees not to unleash the full force of the racist xenophobic slave-owners against Magneto. She still wants to try a more measured response, which is probably the best Storm can hope for from a bunch of racist xenophobic slave-owners.

The response is actually fairly measured. Medusa sends a spy on behalf of the racist xenophobic slave-owners to Magneto's base in the Savage Land. He arrives just in time to listen to Magneto say what pretty much every single X-men fan feels right now. The racist xenophobic slave-owners don't deserve to have a powerful pre-cog on their team for the same reason that Warren Buffet doesn't deserve tax breaks. Their only hope is to secure Ulysses to keep the racist xenophobic slave-owners from exploiting his talents. They make it clear they don't want to kill him, but knowing Magento, that's always an option. Against racist xenophobic slave-owners, he tends not to be that merciful.

He also tends to know when he's being spied on. This guy fought fucking Nazis. He's used to sniffing out racist xenophobic slave-owners. With Sabretooth on his team, it's even easier. Does it make for a bland spy movie? Sure. At this point though, how competent can you expect racist xenophobic slave-owners to be?

There's more spy shit going on in other parts as well. In the previous issue, Storm's team manages to capture Fantomex, thanks to help from Gambit. These efforts mean Gambit gets to kiss Storm on the cheek without getting a lightning bolt up the ass. That's as good a reward as any in my book. It gives them a chance to interrogate Fantomex. Since Psylocke is on their team, I'm pretty sure they're eager to violate every provision of the Geneva Convention.

They don't have to though. Fantomex is happy to cooperate, telling them he just went to spy on the racist xenophobic slave-owners to scope them out. He was never going to harm Ulysses or any of the racist xenophobic slave-owners, which is a pretty big deal for someone who once shot a kid in the head. Even Psylocke, who wants any excuse to rip his eyes out, says he's telling the truth.

The only problem is that Fantomex, being the douche-bag that he is, doesn't cooperate this easily unless there's a tactical advantage. In this case, that means him setting up an attack by Magneto's team. Nightcrawler, Monet, Sabretooth, and Arcangel each storm in and release Fantomex. This officially sets off the war part of X-men Civil War II. It may have taken a while to unfold, but fuck if it isn't satisfying.

It has Sabretooth vs. Old Man Logan. It has Storm vs. Arcangel. It has Magik vs. Monet. It even has Mystique vs. Gambit and who doesn't want to see a bitter old woman deck the guy who tries to constantly screw her daughter? It's as satisfying as it sounds. While X-men do fight each other a lot these days, so do other heroes. It's an obscenely common theme in an event called Civil War. That's what makes it so fitting.

As much fun as it is seeing X-men fight X-men, even when it's the racist xenophobic slave-owners who are fucking them over, there are real tactical mechanisms in play here. As the X-men are making life that much easier for the racist xenophobic slave-owners, a few decide to actually do something. With Storm's team distracted, Magneto and Rachel Grey head towards Attilan to confront the racist xenophobic slave-owners and their newest weapon. It's still strange, rooting for Magneto this much, but he's too damn competent and too damn reasonable this time. A holocaust survivor against racist xenophobic slave-owners? No contest.

So...is it awesome?

Well for one, it's refreshing to see Storm show some backbone against Medusa. Sure, they're just a few sparks and she still gives the impression that she's not willing to lick Medusa's asshole clean if she were to ask, but she doesn't just bend over and take it. She has slightly more dignity than a gimp in a German fetish porno. Even so, her side still fails to make any case that working with the Inhumans makes any fucking sense. They're still racist xenophobic slave owners who don't do jack shit when mutants are dying. Magneto rightly points this out and I can't disagree with him.

Beyond Storm showing at least some backbone, the action here is solid. Cullen Bunn once again arranges the story masterfully. It doesn't have any major "Oh fuck me with a telephone pole!" type moments, but he puts all the major players in place. He creates a solid, well-detailed plan that doesn't just involve X-men bitching at one another. It's the kind of refinement that makes Bunn the kind of X-men writer that you could share a glass of imported wine with. For that, Civil War II #3 has everything going for it, except overpriced cheese.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Heavy Impacts with Heavy Hearts: Civil War II #3

The following is my review of Civil War II #3, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

In major and minor wars alike, there is usually a spark that ignites the conflict. That spark doesn't always get its own documentary on the History Channel, but it often reveals the scope and scale of the conflict that unfolds. In Civil War II, the spark is lit. The conflict over Ulysses, the Inhuman who can predict the future on a level that fantasy sports fans dream of, is just starting to grow.

It's a conflict that has already claimed multiple casualties, namely War Machine and She-Hulk. So already, the scope and scale of this conflict is pretty big. Brian Michael Bendis gives both sides plenty of reasons to shoot, punch, and yell at each other. These reasons aren't petty or contrived either. This goes beyond opposing an unjust law, suspecting who may or may not be a Skrull, or falling in love with the same redhead. True to Marvel's Civil War tradition, this conflict reflects real-world conflicts in terms of justice, due process, and using precognitive powers for more than just fantasy sports.

However, the true extent of the conflict Civil War II is still developing. There isn't yet a rallying point where the lines are drawn, the teams assemble, and the property damage escalates. So far, the conflict is still Iron Man and Captain Marvel having a friendly disagreement. In Civil War II #3, there's nothing friendly about it anymore. That spark is a raging inferno now. The lines are drawn, the divisions are clear, and the outrage cannot be contained in a message board.

Bendis uses a common tactic in major crossover events, crafting the big turning point around the death of a major character. However, the tactics Bendis uses to make this death meaningful in Civil War II #3 aren't quite so common. This being Marvel's second attempt at a Civil War story, the formula requires some tweaking. It can't go too overboard either. As the last Fantastic Four movie so tragically demonstrates, this can backfire.

Bendis avoids that pitfall by framing the conflict in Civil War II in a more sophisticated manner. There's a not much emphasis on the death itself. There isn't even much emphasis on the one who causes it. Instead, Bendis explores the larger implications. Those implications help expand the conflict in a way that feels personal, profound, and dramatic.

These same implications are the fuel that raises the stakes in Civil War II. It still echoes the same conflict that begins as a simple disagreement between Iron Man and Captain Marvel. That disagreement, however, is now a war that is claiming multiple casualties. Those casualties make the difficult questions surrounding Civil War II more pressing.

These questions are repeated in Civil War II #3, but in very different circumstances and in a very different context. The content is still the same though. Is it right to punish a crime before it is committed? Even when they have a powerful tool at their disposal in Ulysses that gives them unprecedented foresight? The answers to these questions, as well as the merits of those answers, is put on trial in a semi-literal way. It may not be as exciting as the battle against the renegade Celestial in Civil War II #1, but its contribution to the narrative is every bit as meaningful.

The narrative actually alternates between the present and the past, providing details and drama to the circumstances that led to this pivotal turning point. It gets a little chaotic, but never becomes overly confusing. That's quite an accomplishment at a time when the Marvel Universe is full of time-displaced characters and characters from other universes.

The shifting timeframe also allows for some powerful moments with certain characters, especially Bruce Banner and Hawkeye. Nobody does anything with a wink and a shrug. Nobody tries to lighten the mood. There are a lot of heavy hearts and serious concerns. Even Spider-Man doesn't dare make any wisecracks, which is a major sign in and of itself.

The most important impact, in terms of the bigger picture, is how the events of this issue entrench the two opposing sides. Carol Danvers, despite being personally affected by the growing list of casualties, makes her position clear. She believes that using Ulysses' visions to save lives is justified. The heavy losses she endures don't change that. If anything, they strengthen her resolve.

These events do the same for Iron Man, albeit in the opposite direction. The loss in this issue only confirms his greatest fears. He sees punishing a crime before it is committed as a crime itself. Once again, Bendis captures the most important element of Civil War by presenting both sides as reasonable. This isn't a debate on the morality of child labor laws or free medicine for sick orphans. This is a clash in philosophies where both sides occupy a very gray area of morality.

If there are any shortcomings in this clash, it's the lack of contribution from other heroes not named Iron Man, Captain Marvel, or Hawkeye. Nearly every major superhero team in the Marvel Universe takes interest in this issue, including those with conflicting movie rights. However, their contributions and reactions aren't really explored or hinted at. Even though the battle lines are drawn, it's difficult to determine who sides with who.

That's not to say that the scope of Civil War II is underplayed. Bendis makes an effort to show just how big a story this is for everyone in the Marvel Universe. He creates the sense that this conflict is being watched at levels not seen since the OJ Simpson trial. It extends the conflict beyond superheroes because for all the public knows, they're just one Ulysses vision away from being the next Red Skull.

Civil War II #3 succeeds in the most important part of any civil war. It draws the battle lines while establishing the merits of both sides. It also ends any possibility that this disagreement between Iron Man and Captain Marvel can end without someone getting punched in the jaw. Heroes are already choosing sides. Arguments are intensifying on message boards. This conflict is bound to get ugly, but Bendis makes sure it's a meaningful, relevant kind of ugly. Anyone who can make ugly things meaningful knows they've accomplished something.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Civil War II: X-men #2: Nuff Said!

There are only a handful of circumstances when we feel comfortable rooting for the bad guy. Who among us doesn't watch a typical slasher movie and root for the killer when they zero in on the douche-bag jock or the bitchy cheerleader? Those circumstances are few and far between though. So it's more than a little jarring when Civil War II got me siding with Magneto over Storm in the conflict.

Don't get me wrong. I'll gladly side with Storm in damn near anything, be it a superhero civil war or a pie eating contest. I just can't bring myself to side with her this time. She actually favors helping the Inhumans, even as they have the ultimate weapon on their side with Ulysses. Magneto's argument of, "let's not kiss the asshole that's shitting on us," just makes too much sense. The divide is now set and Civil War II: X-men #2 is ready to widen it. I don't know about Storm or those who support her, but I tend to distance myself from conflicts that may result in shit stains on my lips.

Regardless of my support or the possibility of getting shit on my face, I will always side with Storm when it comes to her and the X-men fighting the Brood. Turns out that Ulysses is still deciding to be helpful to everyone, including mutants, and that means predicting a Brood attack in North Carolina because I guess the Brood are pissed off about bathroom laws as well. Storm is only too happy to help Captain Marvel stop this shit storm before it gets too messy and I'm only too happy to see the X-men work with Captain Marvel. With Emma Frost missing and Magik being a demon-loving teenager, the X-men needs a strong, tough, sexy blonde on their side.

Anyone who has seen the X-men fight the Brood before won't see anything they haven't seen before. It still makes for some solid action, but that action ends up being secondary. While they're kicking some Brood ass, Storm lets it slip that they told Magneto about Ulysses. Captain Marvel, knowing that Magneto is a vindictive son-of-a-bitch, is probably inclined to bang her head against the nearest adamantium-laced wall. She knows as well any strong, tough, sexy blonde that vindictive old asshats like Magneto tend to fuck things up. She also knows they'll be lucky if he does it with his pants on.

It makes for a tough, but necessary conversation between Storm and Captain Marvel. In any other situation, their words would inspire thoughts of them oil wrestling naked on a beach in Tahiti. However, this is too relevant an issue within the context of Civil War II. Storm is reluctant to act against Magneto, not wanting to immediately assume he'll do the biggest dick move first. It shows she really is no Cyclops. He'd assume that shit and he wouldn't even need Captain Marvel to flash her tits to convince him. Again, I don't usually like disagreeing with Storm, but when Cyclops and Captain Marvel are on the same page, that's a big red flag.

On top of her reluctance to make necessary assumptions, Storm is also having a hard time keeping her team intact. The end of the first issue already demonstrated how her leadership skills have plenty of room for improvement. Nightcrawler decided that being on the side that works with the Inhumans, the same assholes whose giant fart cloud is killing their kind, isn't exactly good for his soul. So he ditches them and shows up at Magneto's base. He then goes onto make the most reasonable argument a Catholic can make on a non-contraceptive issue.

He makes an argument not unlike the one Tony Stark made in Civil War II #1. The Catholic in him isn't comfortable condemning someone for shit before they actually do it. He also isn't comfortable with the idea of the Inhumans controlling someone as powerful as Ulysses. If they wanted, they could just say that he had a vision about mutants going crazy and they need to be slaughtered. That or some lawyers from Disney will get to him and then mutants would really be fucked.

It's a powerful moment for a character in need of such a moment. It's also powerful in that Nightcrawler effectively establishes another side to the conflict in Civil War II, at least as it applies to the X-men. We all know where Magneto stands on anything that aids the Inhumans. This shows that others are capable of reaching similar conclusions without coming off as an asshole. In any conflict, that's an important thing to establish.

It's just as important to be ready to make a dick move the moment it becomes necessary. That means knowing the where and how of making such a dick move, which is where Fantomex comes in. Can you think of anyone more qualified to set up a dick move? I think not.

Magneto sends him to New Attilan, probably with a side-mission to take a shit in the Inhumans' living room and change their wi-fi passwords. Sure, he was a total dick in Apocalypse Wars and has been a generally oversized dick since Uncanny X-Force. However, so long as his dickisness is directed at the Inhumans, I can't help but root for him. Just typing that makes me throw up a little on my mouth.

Turns out Magneto isn't the only one preparing for a dick move against the Inhumans. Storm doesn't have anyone who's as big a douche as Fantomex, but she is friends with Gambit and that's close enough. She sends him to confront Fantomex and it goes about as well as Shaqille O'neil's rap career.

They start fighting. The ladies are probably disappointed to see that their pants stay on. I know Channing Tatum fans are still prepping their panties for a potential Gambit movie, but this only offers a fraction of that sexiness. It's actually the first time Gambit has helped Storm's team in any capacity since Secret Wars. He picks a damn good time to get up off his ass and do something because any side that has Fantomex is likely a side that's going to frustrate Storm in the immediate future. Good thing her hair is already white. 

The fighting here is covert and subtle, something that helps set it apart from a typical clash against the Brood. There's some nice banter between the two. Some heads get busted. Some noses get broken. This all happens while the Inhuman guards come off as competent as a Paul Blart style mall cop. It's rare that the Inhumans come off as anything other than Marvel's most cherished bitches these days so I'll take this while I can. It only gets a little messy when Fantomex forgets how Gambit can make shit blow up and not just women's panties. I still have a hard time rooting for Storm's side, but when Fantomex gets his ass kicked, I'm all for it.

So take comfort, Channing Tatum fans. Gambit wins this round. He kicks Fantomex's ass, knocks him out, and gets him out of New Attilan before the Inhumans have yet another reason wave their dicks in the face of the entire mutant race. Odin knows they don't need more of that. Gambit coordinates with O5 Jean to get the fuck out of there, but not before revealing that they've already lost some support among their ranks with Nightcrawler. That should be the second sign that they're about to walk right into a shit storm and since they're on the side of helping the Inhumans, they're going to come out stinking more than most.

Psylocke, for one, is not fond of excessive shit stains. She's also not fond of Magneto starting another war. It's not like the mutant race is equipped to win jack shit at this point. They've go the Inhumans, the Avengers, and Disney's legal team working against them. At this point, they might as well be the Cleveland Browns of the Marvel universe. On top of that, he works with Fantomex. That alone is reason enough for Psylocke to get the fuck out of there and spit in Magneto's face in the process.

It leads to a tense confrontation with Sabretooth. However, he knows he's ill-equipped to fight a badass psychic ninja. It's another solid moment of drama where we see dissent among the ranks of the X-men. Neither side seems able to generate a consensus of any kind and when you can't get consensus on a team with powerful psychics, then you've got a big fucking problem. At a time when the Inhumans get to play in the Marvel universe with cheat codes, you can't afford too many problems.

To his credit, Magneto doesn't add to these problems by going after Psylocke. He doesn't even crash the X-jet she steals. I get the sense he's saving a dick move like that for someone who deserves, namely the Inhumans. He's still down one badass psychic ninja. Not to knock Nightcrawler or anything, but Psylocke looks better in a thong and kicks more ass. So Magneto needs other allies to fuck over the Inhumans and honestly, I'm eager to see him tap every one of them. We know Marvel will let the Inhumans win by default, but we can at least trust Magneto to put up a decent fight.

So...is it awesome?

Well nobody's face is covered in shit just yet, but the approaching stench is clearly there. Again, Bunn does not rush things. He actually takes the time to lay out the differing sides within the X-men. What a fucking concept, right? Actually taking time to flesh out certain characters and explore their thoughts? Does he think this is a Brett Ratner movie or something? I'll set aside the sarcasm for a moment and just say there's a time for patience in a story. In a porno, it doesn't work. In a major tie-in story with a major crossover event, it does. It's really that simple.

Aside from a clash with the Brood, the action in Civil War II: X-men #2 was limited. However, the tension and the growing divide between the two teams of X-men escalates in a major way. Lines are drawn. Both sides try to stop one another before the shit starts flying. They only really delay it. The dramatic angle is the biggest appeal of this issue, but there's little doubt that asses are about to be kicked. Friendships are about to be strained. Balls are about to be busted and without Emma Frost no less. In other words, stock up on rubber boots and air freshners. Shit is about to get real.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Bracing for Heartbreak and Embracing it: Ms. Marvel #8

The following is my review of Ms. Marvel #8, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Everyone has an inflated opinion of those they idolize. Those inflated opinions allow people to overlook flaws like Tony Stark's drinking, Spider-Man's irresponsibility, or Deadpool's crude sense of humor. For better or for worse, idols often become tied to identity. When one of those idols messes up in ways that make for great tabloid headlines, some take it as an affront to their identity. In this sense, Kamala Khan is setting her identity up for a beating.

Civil War II effectively drew the lines in the conflict. Now, targets are finding their way towards certain characters and Kamala Khan is at the front of that line. Few characters who aren't Spider-Man clones are as closely tied as Kamala Khan and Captain Marvel. Kamala Khan's entire persona as Ms. Marvel is built around her idolizing Carol Danvers. She is the quintessential fangirl and it shows in lovably humorous ways every time their paths cross. Now, G. Willow Wilson is setting Kamala up for a level of heartbreak that exceeds that caused by any Skrull imposter or Hydra agent.

Ms. Marvel #8 begins the process of tying Ms. Marvel's story into the larger conflict unfolding in Civil War II. It's a process that is destined to pit this young, aspiring hero against the idol who inspired her. The emotions surrounding this conflict are as volatile as can be without a Hulk being involved, but G. Willow Wilson doesn't focus on this initially.

Instead, Ms. Marvel #8 starts from the opposite end of the emotional spectrum. Wilson focuses on the hope and benefits of having someone who can accurately predict the future without the added complications of time machines, stage tricks, or excessive phone bills. Just like Civil War II #1, these benefits manifest in major ways for Ms. Marvel. However, just like Civil War II #1, the fine print in these benefits promise to send her to the other end of that emotional spectrum and that end comes with a lot of pain, as War Machine can attest.

Captain Marvel, her trusted idol, tasks Ms. Marvel with making use of Ulysses' foresight. This means she gets her first team of side-kicks, an important milestone for any superhero not mentored by Bruce Wayne. Thanks to these new resources, she is able to stop the leader of a Canadian syndicate of ninjas from going on a rampage in a tank. The basic details of that scenario sound so absurd when said out loud, but they are a testament to the kind of cartoonish conflicts that make Ms. Marvel's narrative so much fun.

The fun doesn't last though. As often happens with teenagers trying to change the world for the better, they trip over some unpleasant realities along the way. Ms. Marvel finds herself treating potential crimes as actual crimes, something every non-Hydra version of Captain America would have problems with. However, Ms. Marvel still believes in the greater good that this method offers. She still believes in her idol and cherishes the trust she places in her. It's like having the keys to all of Tony Stark's cars. It's not easy to give up.

It reflects one of G. Willow Wilson's most effective tactics in making Ms. Marvel such a lovable, endearing hero. She sets Kamala up for heartbreak and disappointment, but she does it in a way that has a powerful emotional impact. That impact is perfectly consistent with the ongoing themes surrounding Civil War II and the themes that make Ms. Marvel such an impactful character.

Wilson effectively uses the opposite approach that slasher movies use with stereotypical jocks. She creates this narrative where its hard not to root for Kamala Khan and her ideals. Her heart is in the right place. Her ideals are respectable. She sees the world through Disney-like ideals. It's clear that those ideals are destined to shatter under the weight of the real world, but even though the outcome is hardly surprising, the emotional undertones are clear.

Those undertones are largely driven by Ms. Marvel's adulation of Captain Marvel. This adulation goes back to before Kamala Khan got her powers. She builds her entire superhero identity around the ideals the standards that Captain Marvel sets. In the same way fans of Spider-Man don't want to believe that he would make a deal with Mephisto, Ms. Marvel doesn't want to believe that Captain Marvel is on the wrong side of a conflict. It makes the looming heartbreak even more powerful. Kamala might even need counseling from Mary Jane Watson when the dust settles.

The emotions and drama mix well with battles involving Canadian ninjas hijacking tanks. G. Willow Wilson also attempts to add a more contemporary context on the whole Civil War II conflict, exploring the history of Kamala's family and the historical conflicts within that history. However, this part of the narrative falls flat and acts as a distraction more than a supplement. Some details are relevant, but not enough to have a noticeable impact on Ms. Marvel's narrative.

There are other attempts that are slightly more successful. Ms. Marvel shows some discomfort in treating potential crimes as actual crimes, but it's not the kind of discomfort that a typical teenage superhero doesn't handle on a regular basis. Some parallels between Civil War II and the whole "tough on crime" era of the '80s and '90s come into play. Again, these efforts fall flat. It's only when the threat becomes personal to Ms. Marvel that the impact starts to manifest.

That impact and the undertones surrounding it remain the greatest strength of Ms. Marvel #8. It takes the larger conflict created in Civil War II and personalizes it. Like a bad movie teaser, it does somewhat spoil the outcome. Ms. Marvel is setting herself up for disappointment and heartbreak. All that idolizing and admiration for Captain Marvel is going to take a crippling gut punch. That punch is going to hurt, but it's worth enduring for certain characters. Kamala Khan is one of them.

Final Score: 7 out of 10