Scanned Thoughts: Nightcrawler #7

When the aftermath of a major story begins before the major story even ends, it’s the comic book equivalent of premature ejaculation. It’s awkward, unpleasant, and sometimes leaves stains that are difficult to explain to a dry cleaner. But it’s also one of those things that’s best to just overlook to spare ourselves the shame and indignity. Marvel already announced months ago that Wolverine is going to die. It’s a spoiler beyond a spoiler in that they didn’t even try to hide it. Marvel understands that in the era where no secret or nude picture is safe from the internet, it’s pointless to try. The problem is that the ongoing Death of Wolverine event got delayed and it’s now getting to the point of blue balls because some comics are already set to deal with the aftermath. I don’t want to speculate the kind of semen stains this could end up leaving, but I’m content to assume it’s nothing a little stain remover can’t fix.

There are a lot of characters who will be affected by Wolverine’s death. The man had a lot of friends and more than a few fuck buddies. But if ever Wolverine was going to have a wing man at a club, it would be Nightcrawler. He is to Wolverine what spay tan is to Snookie in that they’ve always been close and they’ve always sought solace in one another. Now in Nightcrawler #7, the impact of Wolverine’s death hits him hard and this guy who only recently came back from the dead has to find a way to deal with it again. I guess guys with blue skin just can’t catch a break unless they’re in a James Cameron movie.

It’s certainly sad for Nightcrawler and not just because he didn’t get to hook up with Navi princess. The timeline here is unclear because, as I said, this takes place after Death of Wolverine #4, which got delayed. So we don’t know the details of Wolverine’s death. We just know that enough time has for the Jean Grey Institute to go into morning, hoping that nobody tries to blow up the institute during that time. And Nightcrawler, never one to sleep off a perfectly sad night, is too restless. He narrates with some insightful, detailed inner dialog. It has just the right voice. It has all the right emotions. It’s just sad as hell because his friend is dead. So anyone who is only partially drunk at this point might want to stop right now to save their buzz.

The inner monologue, which is so easy to fuck up in comics these days, does a great job of establishing Nightcrawler’s mentality. He doesn’t just describe how depressing the Jean Grey Institute is now with Wolverine being dead. He starts talking about who he is, how he’s dealt with death in the past, and how other cultures deal with death. Yet he does it in a way that doesn’t feel like a History Channel documentary. And yes, before Pawn Stars the History Channel used to actually have documentaries about things like death.

This helps him process how he and others deal with death, providing just the right context, even though it still feels out of place chronologically. But instead of building a pyramid or carving out an anatomically incorrect statue, Nightcrawler does something a little different. He goes to the Danger Room and starts loading up holograms that document some of Wolverine’s greatest hits. This includes battles going all the way back to the All-New, All-Different days from the fashion abyss that was the bell-bottom wearing 70s. It seems so long ago. Attitudes towards mustaches and pubic hair have changed so much. But even though it shows nothing new or unique, Nightcrawler’s insight helps give it just the right context. He makes clear how much he admires Wolverine’s ability to be a total badass and still charm the hell out of pretty redheads. Who wouldn’t admire a guy like that? And he hadn’t even gone out drinking with Wolverine at this point.

Nightcrawler continues to sift through more Danger Room simulations that cover more of Wolverine’s defining moments. That naturally includes defining moments like the Phoenix Saga and since this is Chris Claremont writing here, he’s going to throw in a few remarks about how much Wolverine wanted to bone Jean Grey. Never mind how he was heavily involved with Storm at the end. Chris Claremont has never let reality and shitty X-men movies get in the way of his nerd boner for this pairing. Even so, he makes sure it doesn’t last more than four hours by focusing on how Wolverine struggled with emotions and how Jean’s death affected Wolverine. Again, it’s nothing new. It’s not even that groundbreaking. It just helps add to the emotions.

The other important event he covers is the Morlock Massacre. This was an event that affected both him and Wolverine profoundly. Unfortunately, the narrations are a bit lacking here. It again shows Wolverine in his classic glory before he dedicated 95 percent of his energy to hating Cyclops. It only helped establish how his path diverged from Wolverine’s for a time as a result of this infamous battle. It might bore the hell out of those who are familiar with this story that came out during the Regan Administration, but it’s still an important event for Nightcrawler in this context.

As relevant as these events are for Nightcarwler and Wolverine, the narration starts to feel a bit too much like a clip show at some point. He starts going over how he recovered from the Morlock Massacre and joined Excaliber with Kitty Pryde. If this were a thread on a message board, it would definitely get the mods to lock it because it feels off-topic here. It stops being about Wolverine and more about, “Wow, that time in my life sucked ass.” I get that the death of a friend can make someone like Nightcrawler reflect about where he came from. Unless alcohol is involved, it really doesn’t help when musings become more disorganized my sock drawer.

Things stay off-topic for a while. Nightcrawler keeps narrating, but it doesn’t provide the same emotional insight as before. He’s basically like that voice on a movie trailer, describing how he eventually reunited with the X-men. All was good for a time. He and Wolverine went on road trips getting drunk and hitting on Japanese hookers. Then Hope fucking Summers had to enter the picture and Nightcrawler had to die saving her ungrateful ass. Even though this is an event that happened within the past decade, it still doesn’t add much. It only reminds me of how an awesome guy like Nightcrawler ended up dying because of an annoying brat like Hope fucking Summers. I know I shouldn’t still be bitter, but some asshole brats deserve it.

Things finally get back on track when Nightcrawler does something other than remember all those fun times when Wolverine kicked ass or when he got screwed over. This time it involves an ordinary day when he and Wolverine are out and about, probably looking for more pretty Japanese girls or redheads. Then for reasons that I can only attribute to a lack of whiskey, Wolverine knocks Nightcrawler’s image inducer off in the middle of a crowded street in broad daylight. He talks about being a bit cautious after having recently died, but Wolverine basically says, “Fuck that! You’re alive. Embrace who you are. Now let’s go get some whiskey.” That last part was implied. But what makes this more meaningful than another flashback is how for once, Wolverine inspired Nightcrawler to have faith. For a guy whose faith is restricted to bartenders and beautiful women, that’s pretty profound.

It’s profound enough for Nightcrawler to attempt to use the Danger Room to construct a fitting monument. He could go about it any number of ways. He could have a bar and brewery in his name. He could have a strip club full of nothing but redheads and Asians called “Wolverine’s Bitches.” Or he could just have one big garage of motorcycles. Wolverine would love all of that. Instead, Nightcrawler chooses something more heartfelt.

His monument is not exactly the Great Pyramids of Giza, but it is fitting. It’s just a simple house with beer, pool tables, TVs, and filled with friends. Yes, it’s as corny as it sounds. It almost feels like it was ripped from the finale of a bad 70s sitcom. But it works. It has everything Wolverine cherished. It has good friends, motorcycles, and beer. It might not have Jean Grey and Mariko naked covered in whiskey, but it’s still right up there.

But as nice and as fitting as it feels, it evokes too many painful emotions for Nightcrawler. These emotions help him conclude that Wolverine doesn’t need no stinking monument. He was content with whiskey, steak, and good friends. He was not the kind of guy who would surround himself with holograms and pretend they’re real. He would rather get out into the real world, find real people to stab, and real beer to drink. He didn’t just think about the shit he could do. He went out and fucking did it. That’s the kind of guy Nightcrawler remembers. Sure it took him one too many flashbacks to realize it, but it got the job done.

When he finally leaves the Danger Room and ditches the fancy holograms, he meets up with Rachel Grey. It just wouldn’t be fitting enough if a pretty redhead didn’t get involved at some point in a story about remembering Wolverine. They share a nice moment. It’s nothing too epic, but it works well within the context of the story. There’s another jab at how badly Wolverine wants to bone Jean Grey. Even though that would constitute necrophilia at this point, this is Chris Claremont. If X3 wasn’t enough to disgust him with the concept, then nothing will. And sure, it’s debatable how dead Jean Grey is at this point. But the it helps make the moment more satisfying.

This is one of those issues that can be either really heartwarming or a total buzz kill. And because it’s taking place before we even know how Wolverine takes his dirt nap, it does have an odd impact. It’s like walking into a retirement home with a boner. It just feels out of place. It was still nice in that it hit all the right emotions. It covered the full spectrum of Nightcrawler and Wolverine’s friendship. In just reading this issue, anybody is able to appreciate just how close these two were. It doesn’t go so far as to come off as a gay romance novel. It goes just far enough to offer the right perspective on somebody mourning the loss of a friend. There’s not much action and a lot of what happens covers shit that most X-men fans already know or have seen ripped off. But this issue isn’t meant to be epic in that sense. It isn’t meant to have Nightcrawler battle the forces of Hell or get Mystique to go more than five minutes without trying to shoot somebody. It’s meant to show him mourning for his dead friend. And sure, Nightcrawler of all people should know that death in the Marvel universe is about as absolute as a promise from Tony Soprano. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be emotional in all the right ways. Nightcrawler #7 gets a 7 out of 10. Nightcrawler lost his friend, but at least he can take comfort knowing that Wolverine is in Heaven, enjoying endless three-ways with all the Japanese and redheaded twins he wants. And he should take comfort in that. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Amazing X-men #7

Some crossover stories have become so ingrained that we don’t even think of them as crossovers anymore. It’s like chocolate and peanut butter, bacon and whiskey, or tits and ass. To have one without the other simply defies logic. That’s why the idea of Spider-Man teaming up with the X-men barely qualifies as a crossover in the same way the Kardashians barely qualify as being celebrities. He has been teaming up with the X-men for so long that I’m amazed he hasn’t crashed in their mansion more often. So I’m not going to call this latest Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends retread. I’m less excited about this involving Spider-Man as I am about this being the return of Craig Kyle and Chris Yost, the Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg of X-men comics. They’ve taken over Amazing X-men while Jason Aaron takes his magical beard to write Original Sin. Amazing X-men #7 is their first issue back and they’ve decided to start simple, using one of the most common crossovers the X-men have done that doesn’t involve Wolverine getting drunk with Thor. With Nightcrawler coming back from the dead and Wolverine about to be dead for a while, I’m okay with keeping it simple.

And in that respect, it’s hard to get simpler than just going out for groceries. It’s one of those mundane tasks that doesn’t involve giant robots so it’s rarely subject to a story. Yet Iceman and Firestar find a way to make it interesting and they do it without the aid of a killer robot. They’re on what Iceman calls a “snack run,” which I think is code for, “We were too busy fighting giant robots and evil X-men from the future to get basic supplies.” They have some nice exchanges, but it’s not exactly the same flirtatious exchange they had in the first arc. For whatever reason, that has been glossed over. That’s too bad because if there’s one thing the X-men comics need, it’s another love affair with a pretty redhead.

They get outside. Iceman even throws in an indirect dick joke about which part of his body he provides ice from. He and Firestar are still annoying each other to a point where it’s hard to imagine there was any flirtatious undertone between them. But that might be for the best because something fucked up finally happens to ruin this otherwise mundane moment. It happens in this unexplained bright flash. And no, it’s not a killer robot or the Phoenix Force. It’s a baby.

Now a baby might sound like the least threating thing to ever come from some unexplained flash. But considering how the last time a baby appeared under mysterious circumstances led to the creation of Hope fucking Summers, I would prefer more killer robots. Hell, I would prefer another attack from Toad over another Hope fucking Summers. Marvel must have shitty child care services because they are very anti-baby. While Firestar’s motherly instincts kick in, it doesn’t take long for the baby to attract trouble.

Again, it’s not a killer robot. It’s the Amazing Spider-Man. He’s no longer the Superior Spider-Man. He even tries to apologize for it, but he still acts like a dick because he demands that they fork over the baby as if it had the keys to Emma Frost’s panties or Wolverine’s whiskey stash. Firestar and Iceman are obviously confused and a little suspicious. Spider-Man doesn’t even let them try to do the responsible thing and report the baby to Social Services where, hopefully, it can be adopted by Angelina Jolie. He’s a lot more serious than usual, not making jokes or wise-cracks. Either this baby has just shot his Aunt May or Mephisto sent it to fuck with him.

In the end, he doesn’t have to explain himself. The baby, channeling its inner Hope fucking Summers, reveals that it isn’t a normal baby. It isn’t even a human baby. It’s a baby/bat/demon/I-have-no-fucking-idea. It attacked Iceman and gave off another one of those ominous flashes. As if babies weren’t terrifying enough, this one has wings and cries acid. It sounds like the kind of baby that should be incorporated into a Sex Ed class. Any teenage boy or girl that sees this will have a lot of incentive to either use a condom or put a lock on their underwear. It’s more than a little fucked up, but in a playful sort of way. Where else can we get a demon/baby/bat without taking a fuckton of LSD? I may be confused, but I’m damaging less brain cells this way.

Iceman is able to calm it down with some cookies stuffed with processed preservatives. In that sense, he’s basically doing what 90 percent of American parents would do. Once the baby stops crying acid, Spider-Man takes it and swings off with it. Iceman and Firestar could probably leave it at that, trusting that Spider-Man knows what he’s doing. I’m sorry, I couldn’t type that with a straight face, even while sober. They’re still confused and not sure what the fuck he’s going to do. Having recently been under the control of his worst enemy, they have plenty of reason to be suspicious.

That said, going after him and fighting him still doesn’t make one goddamn bit of sense. This isn’t fucking Magneto they’re dealing with. It’s Spider-Man. They don’t ask questions or try to get an explanation. To be fair, Spider-Man doesn’t take the time to give them one. They just fight him. It’s a poorly detailed and poorly developed scenario. But since it involves a demon baby, it’s still entertaining. And there are some hints that maybe Spider-Man might actually know what he’s doing. I just barely managed to type that with a straight face too.

At some point, Firestar and Iceman managed to subdue Spider-Man long enough to get an explanation. He says there has been a kidnapping. They give him the “no shit” response, but he explains that it didn’t involve the baby. He says he needs this baby for an exchange to get back whoever was actually kidnapped. He doesn’t explain where the found the baby, how he found it, or how he knows it’ll be an effective bargaining chip. Those are all trivial details in a story that involves a demon baby with bat wings.

That leaves only one pressing question…how do aliens and a goat fit into all this? No, I didn’t take too many hits of LSD. No, I didn’t mix shrooms with my weed again. That’s actually a legitimate question because there are actual aliens involved and for some reason, they have a goat with them. Now I thought aliens only abducted cows and did experiments on their junk. A goat seems like a downgrade. But who am I to argue with an alien’s choice in pets? Maybe someone should try to turn them onto goldfish. It feels like one of those WTF moments, but it actually does play a part in the story. I didn’t type that with a straight face either.

I also can’t keep a straight face when the struggle for the baby turns into a big alien poop joke. And no, I didn’t just watch a Seth Rogan movie while stoned again. There is actually a poop joke thrown into this fucked up plot when Iceman suspects that the baby needs a diaper change. That somehow causes another big green explosion the likes of which does serious damage to Iceman’s shell, his sense of smell, and his ego. Even I can’t get stoned enough to make this shit up. While Iceman probably just gave himself a vasectomy by being caught in the crossfire, he manages to confirm that it is a boy and it eats some really crazy shit. After toilet humor of this magnitude, Iceman and Firestar finally agree to trust Spider-Man and go along with him to find the baby’s parents.

Now this whole scene isn’t just full with South Park level gags. It’s very disorganized and downright chaotic. First there was a goat on an alien ship. Then there’s a poop joke with an alien baby. It’s hard to believe that this is a plot in the same X-men comic that just recently told such an emotionally gripping story about Nightcrawler’s return. That’s not to say it isn’t entertaining. Anyone who can’t laugh at a good poop joke has no soul. It’s just a fucked up change of pace that makes for a fucked up story.

They eventually meet up at a zoo where the same alien ship from earlier lands. They have with them the same goat that they didn’t seem to know what to do with. Since they’re not into alien animal porn, they seem okay with exchanging it for the baby. There’s more chaotic, poorly detailed conflict when Firestar randomly attacks the aliens. But that all seems to be resolved when Spider-Man gets some kid to lend him his bag of chips. Again, I swear I’m not just describing my last LSD induced nightmare. This is actually what happened. The poor organization of the scene really shows here. It’s not clear how things go from Firestar attacking the aliens to the baby being reunited. It’s still fucked up, but it’s more confusing than entertaining. I don’t pretend that every episode of Family Guy isn’t fucked up to some degree, but at least it’s still entertaining.

Firestar and Iceman return to the Jean Grey Institute way less confused than me. They have their groceries and some disturbing experiences that will probably require a fuckton of therapy. But they have the groceries. We even find out that the goat they exchanged the baby for happened to be a mascot. I guess there are stranger mascots that a sports team could have. I miss the days when the only mascots involved animals that could be eaten. But for a story this fucked up, it’s not even top five in terms of things that are wrong with this story. They didn’t save the world. They just saved a mascot. Guess they all can’t be epic. But they did save the poopy diaper from the baby apparently because Wolverine found it in the trunk. And I guess any comic that ends on a poop joke can’t say it didn’t end on a high note.

This issue couldn’t have been more different in tone from the previous six issues if it were Whitney Huston doing a duet with Rosanne Barr. It wasn’t an epic struggle between the forces of Heaven and Hell. It involved an alien baby, poop jokes, dick jokes, and a goat. That may sound like a preview of the next Seth Rogan movie, but that didn’t mean it was any less fun. The striking change of tone is jarring. There’s no doubt about that. But it’s still fun. I mean who doesn’t enjoy an X-men comic that is a light-hearted for once? It took a fairly typical situation that isn’t often scrutinized and turned it into a struggle between aliens, babies, and maturity. It wasn’t all that concise and the characterization, especially for Spider-Man, was questionable at best. But it was funny as hell, even without the aid of weed. That alone is an accomplishment for any comic. That’s why I give Amazing X-men #7 a 6 out of 10. It’s not meant to take the characters in a bold new direction. It’s not meant to tip the balance between Heaven and Hell. It’s just a hilariously fucked up situation mixed in with a classic crossover. Anyone who can’t enjoy that on some levels is either a douche-bag, pure evil, or Rick Santorum. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Amazing X-men #6

I once wrote a letter to the White House suggesting that all peace negotiations take place in a bar with free beer, cheap whiskey, and unlimited buffalo wings. Granted, I was drunk when I wrote this letter. But I still believe it's perfectly logical. Take a few bitter enemies, put them in a bar, get some liquor in them, and they'll either become best friends or try to kill each other. My thinking is if they try to kill each other when drunk, then peace was never possible to begin with. I never heard back from the White House. In fact, I'm pretty sure the Secret Service put a tracer on my car. But I still think the concept is valid. And I think it could certainly help the X-men bridge the schism that has been in place for years now. Wolverine already showed that he can get along with Cyclops when beer is present. Now that Nightcrawler has returned, they have even more reason to drink in celebration. If only they could set aside this whole schism bullshit, they could focus on more important issues like finding new ways to piss off Maria Hill. That's probably on their to-do list, but it's not going to be addressed in Amazing X-men #6. Nightcrawler has officially returned. We already got a taste of the impact in Nightcrawler #1. But no beer was involved in that issue so I consider this to be more official.

Well now it’s official. The X-men are no longer fighting for their lives against the forces of Heaven and Hell. They’ve beaten Azazel and Nightcrawler has returned to the world of the living. That’s a damn good reason to rent a bar for the night and drink until everyone starts pissing from a pool table. It’s a beautiful thing and something the X-men should celebrate more often, given how many times someone dies and comes back to life. I don’t remember Jean Grey, Cyclops, or Charles Xavier getting a party at a bar for when they came back to life. I’m just going to assume it got way too crazy to show on panel for now and hope Nightcrawler’s party is a success. So long as there’s beer, it would take the power of Galactus to keep it from being successful.

Everyone already has their glasses raised and an open tab. They’re ready to start getting drunk, shooting pool, and fucking bitches. It might not be in that order, but that’s the plan. However, the party is missing the second most important component after the beer. And that’s the reborn man of the hour himself, Nightcrawler. But he’s not late out of shyness and since he can teleport, he can’t use traffic as a reason either. He’s just making a pit-stop to check on his father, who is supposed to be in custody and on his way to a prison cell that will make him wish he were still in Hell.

And just like the first five issues, there’s some nice inner monologue from Nightcrawler to give a little extra context to the circumstances. I know my inner monologue would consist mostly of “Where’s the beer and when can I start drinking it?” But Nightcrawler is a bit more poetic, lamenting about how he can’t choose his family. He’s the son of Azazel and Mystique. That basically makes him the son of the devil and one of the devil’s favorite groupies. Even for a man of faith, that’s pretty hard to work around. But Nightcrawler has found a way to deal with it, which puts him right up there with the Pope in terms of his piety, minus the scandals. Once he’s satisfied that Azazel is on his way to a life of solitary confinement and sodomy, he goes off to celebrate.

Nightcrawler joins his fellow X-men and they’re all ready to start drinking. There’s some more nice inner monologue that shows how Nightcrawler really does treasure his friends. In many ways, they’re the ones most responsible for keeping him from being the same asshole as his parents are. And that’s really a good message for everyone who isn’t an asshole parent. Good friends can trump shitty parenting. However, some of those friends aren’t exactly on good terms. That’s when Cyclops, Emma Frost, and Magik come in.

This has all the makings of an epic mutant bar fight. By now, everyone has probably told Nightcrawler how Cyclops became a wanted fugitive that tried to destroy the world, murdered Charles Xavier, and probably ate a few live puppies in the process. I like to think he’s smart enough to see through that bullshit. It allows him to stop himself from triggering the epic bar fight, which is disappointing in some ways. But it would sort of undermine the whole celebration aspect of this party.

Nightcrawler does confront Cyclops. He even reveals he met Charles Xavier after he died, saying outright that Cyclops killed him. He doesn’t add any context. He doesn’t mention that Xavier was attacking Cyclops and that he was overwhelmed by the Phoenix Force. By that logic, he should say the same to Wolverine, X-23, and Jean Grey for all the people they’ve killed while in a fucked up state of mind. That’s disappointing because it gives the impression that Nightcrawler has bought into the same bullshit that Wolverine and Beast keep pushing. And he’s way better than that. But unlike Wolverine and Beast, Nightcrawler embraces Cyclops and welcomes him to join the party. Even Wolverine and Beast’s bullshit can’t keep him from being such an awesome guy.

The party unfolds and there are no bar fights. Again, it’s somewhat disappointing. But the purpose here is to celebrate and not inflict wounds that can’t be healed with more alcohol. It’s one of those exceedingly rare happy moments for the X-men. They happen about as often as a new reality show that doesn’t suck. But it happens here. It has already been shown in previous comics that Wolverine and Cyclops can get along in the presence of alcohol. Perhaps that’s how the schism in X-men has to end. They just haven’t applied enough alcohol to the problem.

For a while, it’s a nice party and nobody gets too drunk at first. It almost gives the impression that they’re doing it wrong. But then they get an unexpected visitor in Mystique. Actually, scratch that. Everyone and their mother should have expected Mystique to show up. Her son came back to life. Even though she has devolved into a total sociopathic bitch with the character depth of a pet poodle, she does still care that her son is alive again. It’s way fucking overdue for her to show that.

However, that doesn’t mean the reunion is full of joy and tears. There’s no way the bar has enough alcohol to make that happen. Nightcrawler finds out that Mystique came disguised as a waitress. She fooled everyone, even Wolverine. But she didn’t fool Nightcrawler. There’s not much that comes of this meeting though. Nightcrawler teleports her outside and just urges her to get the fuck away from her party before everyone has an opportunity to get drunk. Mystique rightly points out that he has changed and seems genuinely impacted by her son’s return. It felt like a lot more could have come from it, but it doesn’t. That’s just asking for too much at this point. It seems Mystique can’t be awesome without Jennifer Lawrence.

But Mystique has more concerns than just seeing her son alive again. There’s also the matter of her baby daddy, Azazel. She must really be aching for back child support because she found out that he’s back on Earth again. And she’s not at all convinced that there’s a cell in this world that can hold him. For the man who knocked her up and ditched her, she needs to make sure he’s put in a more secure kind of hell. It leads to less heartfelt reunion and more tension. Mystique goes so far as to pull a gun on Nightcrawler after he lets it slip where Azazel is being taken. But for her, pulling a gun on a loved one might as well be a kiss goodnight. That’s what she has been reduced to in the comics.

The party is now officially on hold for Nightcrawler. After Mystique slips away, he goes after Azazel. And nobody in Heaven or Hell or anywhere in between should be surprised that he found a way to bust out of his convoy. He gets a little help from his evil bamfs, who create a Fast and Furious style pile up that is perfectly executed. Nightcrawler is nice enough to rescue the drivers and guards. Then he attacks his father. He probably understands that even the devil himself doesn’t deserve Mystique’s wrath. That or he just doesn’t want to risk having Mystique send Azazel back to Hell where he almost conquered Haven. That would basically do Azazel a favor and Nightcrawler just can’t have that.

Azazel manages to overpower Nightcrawler. Then Mystique shows up on a motorcycle in a way that was blatantly ripped off from Terminator 2 and Resident Evil 2, but I’m not complaining. The battle becomes street brawl and there isn’t even any alcohol involved. That means it’s pretty fucking serious. The action here is very nicely organized and the family dynamics here only make it more awesome. This is actually the first time since CDs were still popular that Nightcrawler, Mystique, and Azazel have all been in the same scene together. It may be more overdue than Ghostbusters 3, but fuck it’s satisfying.

It makes for a very tense moment where Mystique has guns pointed at both of them. It has the potential to be one of those moments that define all three of their characters for years to come. Sadly, it ends more prematurely than a Mormon prom night. Nightcrawler tries to attack, if only to make this a less messy family reunion. But then he just passes out somehow and wakes up with his parents gone and his friends catching up with him. It’s incredibly abrupt. There’s no hint that someone hit him over the head with a bowling ball, hit him with an extra-large shot of sedatives, or told him about the night he was conceived until he passed out. Nightcrawler is still in one piece, but now both his parents are on the loose. Now he has even more reason to get drunk.

What happens to Nightcrawler isn’t clear. But what happens with Mystique and Azazel is a bit less subtle. Azazel teleports her away from their son’s wrath, if only to make Mystique horny again without it getting too awkward. And he apparently succeeds. Mystique claims she wants to kill him. But Azazel senses she has another reason. He even gives her a chance to shoot him. But she doesn’t. Instead, she offers him a job. She doesn’t even demand back child support or alimony. It’s still somewhat abrupt, but Mystique clearly looks conflicted here. And maybe even a little turned on. While most kids would be elated with the idea of their parents getting back together, this is one instance where even Christian conservatives would be okay with divorce.

Now I don’t want to get my hopes up here. I learned the hard way after my first encounter with a transvestite hooker that expectations can easily be dashed. But I really do want this to be the beginning of something different for Mystique. She used to be a more complicated character. She was even a member of the X-men for a while. But now she’s just a total fucking psychopath who exists only to piss off Wolverine, as if that’s all that hard. Maybe Azazel being back will give her another purpose and Nightcrawler being alive will give her more emotional range than pissed off tiger. That’s still a pretty big maybe.

For Nightcrawler, it’s a tough night for something that was supposed to be a celebration. But he deals with it the same way I deal with my problems. He tries to drink them all away. And it seems it works to some extent. That’s the power of alcohol. More inner monologue has him lamenting about how he can’t choose his family. But I imagine his thoughts get sufficiently slurred at some point so he stops giving a shit. He and Wolverine drink together until the sun comes up. Nightcrawler even admits he loves him. That’s the success of any kind of alcohol intake. When it gets two buddies to admit they love each other, they’re doing it right.

This book began with a joyful celebration and ended in a drunken stupor. Not going to lie. I did tear up a little. I’m man enough to admit that. The whole family reunion angle with Nightcrawler and his parents was pretty nice too and very well-done. But seriously, a drunken celebration of Nightcrawler’s return to the living couldn’t have turned out better. Sure, Azazel got away and ran off with Mystique. And sure, they’re probably boning in ways that would make every head at the Vatican explode. But I doubt even Nightcrawler had enough faith that Azazel would stay locked up. And while it wasn’t all terribly emotional between him and Mystique, she finally did come off as slightly more than an unapologetic sociopath. She may have gotten away, but at least everyone got drunk and hugged. That’s an epic win in my book. Amazing X-men #6 gets an 8 out of 10. Any party where two grown men get drunk and profess their love for each other as the sun rises is a damn good party. Definitely worth all the slash fiction shit that will probably come of this. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Nightcrawler #1

With so many characters dying and coming back from the dead in comics, I often wonder how they deal with it. I imagine it happens often enough for there to be a full-fledged support group. Maybe it even inspired a few self-help books with titles like, “Answering Annoying Questions About Death,” and, “Holy Shit! Netflix Has Every Episode of Star Trek?!” But for some characters, they’re just better equipped. And for the X-men, I would put Nightcrawler right below Jean Grey in terms of his ability to deal with returning from the dead. He’s lovable, he’s humble, and he’s awesome in ways that were nicely demonstrated in the pages of Amazing X-men #5. Now the living legend himself, Chris Claremont, has returned to the X-books to chronicle Kurt Wagner’s adjustment to this new world of X-men in Nightcrawler #1. I still imagine he’ll be more impressed with Netflix and the iPhone 5S than he is that Cyclops is a fugitive and Wolverine named a school after Jean Grey.

He must have gotten over the shock pretty quickly because he’s already back in the swing of things. And for him, that means training with Wolverine in the Danger Room. He has no time to be deadpanned about time-displaced X-men, Cyclops being a wanted fugitive, and a new generation of mutants emerging all over the world. I imagine one of the perks of being dead is not having to work out as much. It must have been nice being able to eat a mountain of bacon and not gain an ounce. Now he has to stay in shape, but he hasn’t lost his touch.

What has been lost, however, is Wolverine’s healing factor. This is something Nightcrawler even acknowledges in his string of Claremont-style monologues. I know Claremont-haters don’t like how he tends to overuse them, but I say fuck those people because they work beautifully here. They nicely detail Nightcrawler’s thoughts as he’s fighting Wolverine, noting how he still is as skilled as ever, but now is vulnerable in a way he’s never seen him. It’s just one of the many changes he’s going to have to get used to. I still imagine he’ll have a harder time getting used to the idea of Peyton Manning being a Denver Bronco.

One thing that hasn’t changed, however, is Wolverine’s knack for losing his temper in the middle of a fight. Even without his healing, he’s still prone to getting more pissed off than a nun in a dildo factory. And as Nightcrawler shows that death hasn’t degraded his skills in any way, Wolverine gets a rage boner and pops his claws. He doesn’t get too stab-happy with Nightcrawler though. Storm steps in and unleashes a miniature typhoon to get Wolverine to calm the fuck down. She probably implicitly added that if he ever wants to see her naked again, he’ll ditch the claws and do some yoga.

Beyond the unnecessary reminder that Wolverine has poor anger management skills, this outburst also reveals to Nightcrawler the extent to which Wolverine has lost his healing. He mentions how he’s not used to seeing Wolverine bleed. It seems mundane, but in many ways it symbolizes just how much things have changed since he died. It leads to a nice moment between Nightcrawler and Storm about having an anchor to keep their shit together. For me, it’s booze and comics. For Wolverine, it used to be his healing. For Nightcrawler, just being alive should be enough to keep himself grounded. But given how often people come back to life in the Marvel universe, that shit is going to wear off faster than a buzz a Mormon convention.

The Danger Room is still familiar territory for Nightcrawler. He’s not going to see anything there that he hasn’t seen since days when Jean was still alive and Beast wasn’t a massive douche-bag. The Jean Grey Institute is a big place and not just because it has a front yard that’s alive. It’s very different from the Xavier Institute he remembers. Plus, the Xavier Institute was still a smoldering pile of rubble when he was last alive so this is quite a change. But he still embraces this change in ways that would disgust most republicans. He muses about how much the team has grown, how many friends they have lost, and far the X-men have come. It’s a sentiment that is nicely conveyed in the Claremont-style monologues. Again, there will be those that find them annoying. I imagine these are the same people whose ideas of a buzz is an extra cup of coffee so I won’t take their sentiment seriously.

Beyond the musings, this new institute is still a school just like the last one. And unlike the world he died in, this new world has a growing population of mutants. That means when the bell rings, the halls become crowded by a sea of mutant teenagers. It’s like a war zone, but not quite as dangerous. It makes for some nice moments where some of the students welcome Nightcrawler back to the land of the living, showing once again just how lovable this guy is. Cyclops should take notes from him. He sure as hell needs it.

But while he hangs out on the ceiling and waits for the chaos to pass, he gets a psychic visit from Rachel Grey that later turns into a non-psychic visit in Nightcrawler’s new loft. Since they didn’t get a chance to interact much in Amazing X-men, it’s nice for the former Excalibur teammates to catch up. It also gives them a chance to mention Kitty Pryde and Cyclops’s new school. They don’t touch on it that much. Nightcrawler just got done fighting Wolverine and navigating halls filled with teenage mutants. He doesn’t need to deal with that shit just yet. But it’s nice to see it acknowledged because it is one of those things that’s tempting to gloss over like the hidden fees in a cell phone contract. It doesn’t get addressed in this issue and that’s fine. Nightcrawler has more pressing issues to attend to.

What could be more important than confronting a fugitive Cyclops and a defector Kitty Pryde? How about a pretty blond with a nice rack named Amanda Sefton? I’m pretty sure Hugh Hefner and Nightcrawler would agree. Pretty blonds take priority over everything. Nightcrawler takes a quick trip with a bunch of his bamfs to Manhattan where he drops in on his long-time yet rarely mentioned girlfriend. And it’s not like Cast Away where she has run off, settled for someone barely half as awesome as him, and punched out his kid. She’s still single and doesn’t hesitate to give him a big, “Welcome back to the world of the living you handsome devil!” kiss. It’s another nice moment that could have easily been made into a shitty moment. But like catholic priest at a little league game, Chris Claremont resists the temptation.

It’s a beautiful moment that could have easily turned into a, “Let’s celebrate your new lease on life by having the kind of sex that make the Pope shit himself,” type moment. But even Chris Claremont can only resist so much temptation. Nightcrawler’s first issue back just wouldn’t be complete if he wasn’t attacked by some killer robot or raging monster. To omit that from a new series about character that has been MIA for so long would be the kind of blasphemy that gets people executed in Saudi Arabia. So Nightcrawler and Amanda’s romantic and pre-pornographic moment is interrupted when some random Iron Man rip-off blasts through the wall in start’s shooting. It’s a real mood-killer, but one I imagine Nightcrawler hasn’t forgotten. And it wasn’t like Amanda didn’t have a target on her back when Nightcrawler was still alive so if nothing else, it shows that at least some things haven’t changed.

The battle that follows is pretty generic, but it’s nicely fleshed out. The art is flashy and it’s well-organized. Nightcrawler goes through his typical tactics, teleporting Amanda away from the danger before returning with the bamfs to take on this mini-Sentinel. He doesn’t have any claws, guns, or major weapons. A man doesn’t exactly bring that sort of shit on a visit to his girlfriend unless there are divorce papers involved or unless she’s into some ridiculously kinky shit. But like the Danger Room scene with Wolverine, Nightcrawler shows that he hasn’t lost his touch. Now this is one instance where even I’ll concede that Claremont’s love of monologue boxes does get a little excessive. But it still works in adding something extra to the scene. It’s not all that epic. It’s just a simple, well-designed fight between Nightcrawler and something he can blow up.

As the battle unfolds, Nightcralwer is overmatched and outgunned for most of it. But like Jack Bauer in a room full of terrorists, the odds are better than they seem. He also has help from the bamfs, which basically act like his own personal pokemon clones. They don’t bring much to the table, but they do help Nightcrawler gain the upper hand. After doing a bit of rope-a-dope for a while, he manages to frustrate and eventually outsmart Mr. I-Love-Cockblocking-Guys-Reuniting-With-Their-Girlfriends. Nightcrawler doesn’t do anything fancy. He just buries the guy under a pile of rubble. He probably could have done it drunk, but I guess he was saving the drunken escapades for Amanda.

Now I’m all for watching Nightcrawler kick ass. The man has been dead for seven years and I’ve missed this almost as much as I’ve missed Arrested Development, Christian Bale as Batman, and Terminator movies that don’t suck. But it would have been nice to see a villain that doesn’t look like he was copied from an old Mega Man game. Between Azazel being stuck on Earth and Mystique still running around, there are plenty of villains that would love to cock-block Nightcrawler from his reunion sex with Amanda Sefton. This character just has no appeal. Maybe that appeal will come in future issues, but for now he’s more forgettable than Jim Carey’s last three movies.

After Nightcrawler makes quick work of the overly generic threat, Amanda shows up. She even found time to change into her sexy Daytripper uniform. She’s as confused as I am about who this asshole is and why she would choose to attack at a time when their tongues were getting reacquainted. But she seems to suspect this is something that targeted her specifically so it’s something she wants to handle without calling in the rest of the X-men. Being a gentleman and all the more deserving of the keys to her panties, Nightcrawler offers to assist her as she looks into this. They then disappear for a visit to Amanda’s mother, Margali Sefton. As if the wannabe Mega Man villain wasn’t a big enough cock-block. Now Nightcrawler has to both hunt down this villain, who mysteriously disappears, and confront his girlfriend’s mother. Nightcrawler probably doesn’t wish he was dead again yet, but at the rate he’s going he’s well on his way.

Well we didn’t get to see Nightcrawler’s reaction to Netflix or the new iPhone. But a good chunk of this first issue was fittingly dedicated to seeing him and the rest of the X-men react to his return. It wasn’t glossed over. It wasn’t half-assed either. There was genuine, honest emotion for Nightcrawler and his friends. It gave this issue a more personal touch. Given all the history that Chris Claremont gave Nightcrawler during his legendary tenure on the X-men comics, that’s more than fitting. We didn’t see reactions from everybody, but that wasn’t necessary. Between Storm, Rachel, and Amanada Sefton, all the appropriate emotions were conveyed. The villain was still generic as hell, cut and pasted from a shelved Michel Bay movie. But it kick-started a new adventure for Nightcrawler while showing his girlfriend that death hasn’t affected his ability to kick ass. Nightcrawler made his triumphant return in Amazing X-men. In Nightcrawler #1, his new life officially begins and it’s pretty damn awesome so far. I give this comic a 9 out of 10. Killing off characters in comics is so sad and wasteful. Bringing them back doesn’t have to be a hassle. It can be fun, entertaining, and meaningful. If anything, this issue gives Marvel even fewer excuses for keeping Jean Grey dead all those years. Nuff said!

Amazing X-men #6 Preview - Awkward Re-Birthday Party

I’ve been to more than my share of awkward birthday parties and I’m not just talking about the ones that end with me getting drunk and picking a fight with a clown. That happens enough whenever the circus comes to town. Some parties are just so awkward that I have to slip myself a rooffie just to get through it faster. Sure, it sometimes ends with me being tied to a playground slide with no pants and clown makeup on my face, but some awkwardness is more tolerable than others.

I imagine this is the kind of awkwardness that Nightcrawler will experience once he returns to world of the living on a full-time basis. It has already been revealed in future solicits that Nightcrawler will not be sticking around Heaven, hanging out at Jimmie Hendrick’s concerts and smoking joints with Bob Marley. He can’t stay dead if he’s getting his own series written by the patron saint of X-men comics himself, Chris Claremont. But coming back to the world of the living means being reminded just how much the world sucks. And since Nightcrawler has been dead, the amount of suck has increased considerably.

When Nightcrawler died during Second Coming, the entire mutant race could live on one tiny little island in San Francisco. The team was still united under Cyclops’s leadership, Charles Xavier was still alive, and Rachel Grey was still stuck in space with Havok and Polaris. Since then, a whole lot of crazy shit has happened. First came Schism. Then came Avengers vs. X-men. Then the O5 X-men were plucked from the past, brought to the present, and eventually alienated to the point where they joined Cyclops, who happens to be a wanted fugitive. I know Nightcrawler is a man of great faith, but even God couldn’t give him the strength to process this shit.

But he’s going to have to find that strength because in an unlettered preview released by CBR, Nightcrawler is going to have a nice little re-birthday with Wolverine at a bar. But while he might be content to just get drunk and wait to catch up on all the crazy shit that has happened since his death, Cyclops decides to crash the party. Then Mystique decides to crash it as well. So now he, Wolverine, and pretty much everyone else on the team is going to have even more reasons to drink. That usually means the party will be even more awesome or it’ll be even more of a disaster. Either way should be pretty fucking entertaining.

CBR: Amazing X-men #6 Unlettered Preview

This April, the journey comes to its end as the blockbuster Quest for Nightcrawler arc reaches its epic conclusion in AMAZING X-MEN #6. From critically acclaimed creators Jason Aaron and Cameron Stewart – they have battled the very forces of hell to return Kurt to his rightful place beside the X-Men, and his resurrection is within reach. But to defeat Azazel and his demonic hordes – Kurt will have to sacrifice everything! Plus – don’t miss the confrontation that will have everyone talking: Nightcrawler vs. Mystique on the grounds of the Jean Grey School. You do not want to miss the epic conclusion when AMAZING X-MEN #6 hits comic shops this April!

This is once instance where it doesn’t really matter if the preview is unlettered. It’s easy to tell that Cyclops showing up is going to be more awkward than Rush Limbaugh at a mosque during Ramadan. But what the hell can he possibly say to Nightcrawler? I don’t think either of them have forgotten that Nightcrawler died because of Cyclops’s efforts to rescue Hope fucking Summers from Bastion. In hindsight, I don’t think that was a fair trade in the slightest. Now Nightcrawler is probably the second most forgiving person who ever lived after Jesus. But how is he going to forgive Cyclops for that shit? Let alone what happened to the Professor. It’s already clear that Nightcrawler sides with Wolverine in the current schism. Is there any hope that this won’t end with a bar fight? I say it’s a 50-50 shot at this point.

Then there’s Mystique. Fuck me with a habanero pepper, there’s Mystique. Maybe 10 years ago, this encounter might be a bit more interesting. But for the past several years, Mystique has firmly established herself as an unrepentant psychopath who just enjoys tormenting her enemies and that’s about it. She has none of the depth or the charisma she used to have. She might as well be a fucking Terminator at this point. She’s still sexy as hell, but she has done nothing to show that she’s anything more than a psychopath. Now she has a chance to see her son again who she thought had died. And from the looks of it, this doesn’t change jack shit.

Now maybe it’s because I had a hell of a crush on Mystique during my awkward youth before I discovered internet porn, but I fucking hate what has been done to her. Now here’s an opportunity to change that and maybe make Mystique a little more than just some crazy psycho bitch. But instead, she’s going to just keep being that crazy psycho bitch. It’s probably not going to change Nightcrawler in the slightest. Hell, I think he’s used to having psycho parents at this point. But it’s a missed opportunity to actually do something better with Mystique and like my last drug test, any opportunity of it turning out well is all pissed away.

I still love that Nightcrawler is coming back. He gives some badly needed heart to the X-books at a time when the shit storm from Avengers vs. X-men still hasn’t settled. He’s one of the best parts of the X-men’s future and hopefully the O5 X-men get to experience that. There are so many awesome things that could come from Nightcrawler’s return and it all begins in a celebration full of beer and awkwardness. That couldn’t be more appropriate without strippers, but since Emma Frost is showing up as well I think they’ll have that covered. Nuff said!

Amazing X-men #3 Unlettered Preview - A New Love Triangle?!

Love triangles are like sleeping pills. In small controlled doses, they serve their purpose. But in large quantities, they can only lead to trouble. While love triangles tend not to lead to bizarre sleepwalking incidents like a guy taking a shit in his sister’s bathroom sink, they can be more destructive in a comic book than one of George W. Bush’s war plans. There are very few winners in love triangles. The first three X-men movies are proof of that. The comics do a slightly better job, but that’s like saying Miley Cyrus only went slightly less crazy than Charlie Sheen.

When Amazing X-men was announced, it wasn’t billed as involving a love triangle. The only triangle that seems to be unfolding is Warbird and Firestar arguing over who gets access to Iceman’s penis. That’s not much of a love triangle as much as it is a male fantasy for 95 percent of all young men. The main point of this series, at least in the first arc, is to bring Nightcrawler back. And for the first two issues, this has been set up in the most awesome possible way. Now Amazing X-men #3 promises to finally have the X-men meet their deceased friend in a battle against Azazel and I couldn’t be more excited if I were waiting in line to get a blowjob from Jenna Jameson.

As I showed in my review of Amazing X-men #2, this series has set up that fateful reunion with some of the most awesome moments that don’t involve Emma Frost’s breasts. Now CBR has once again delivered an early Christmas present to X-men fans in the form of an unlettered preview. But that unlettered preview has a few telling hints that have some fucked up implications without any words to give context.

CBR: Amazing X-men #3 Preview (Unlettered)

This January, prepare for a Beast like you’ve never seen before in AMAZING X-MEN #3 – from the critically acclaimed creative team of Jason Aaron and Ed McGuinness! Split between heaven and hell the X-Men battle supernatural forces unlike any other – and they’re in way over their heads! Now, to shut down Azazel and his army of demons – Hank McCoy must unleash his animal side! Plus, the moment you’ve all been waiting for – the X-Men come face-to-face with Nightcrawler! Don’t miss the bombastic AMAZING X-MEN #3 on sale this January!

It’s an awesome moment, seeing Beast not acting like a total douche for once and taking on Azazel. It’s an equally awesome moment to see Nightcrawler finally confront his friends again. And Storm was happy to see him and some parts of her body might have been happier than others. It may just be the heat from being in Hell or just being overwhelmed to see her friend again, but the subtext in this preview is too overt for those of us who don’t read comics sober.

Now I’m not going to go on the same drunken rant I did with All New X-men #15 for O5 Jean and O5 Beast where I point out that it seems to be coming from nowhere. Back during Chris Claremont’s last run in Uncanny X-men, he did hint that there were some romantic undertones between Nightcrawler and Storm. He never went anywhere with it, but there is precedent so at least I can’t claim someone at Marvel took a bad hit of acid. However, Storm is already involved with Wolverine, as was made abundantly clear in Amazing X-men #1. And while it may not have reached Twilight-esque levels, it is still new and underdeveloped.

Therein lies the problem. If Marvel thinks a new love triangle is the only way to develop a relationship, then they either had to have extra security guards at their weddings or dated some really fucked up women. Wolverine was already part of an epic love triangle that spanned two decades and ruined multiple X-men movies. He doesn’t need to be part of another one. Granted, I may be reading too much into it like I often do when I smoke too many joints in the morning, but I’m officially burned out on love triangles in the X-men comics. They never turn out well. They might as well be another clone saga in the Spider-Man comics. There are a lot of things the X-men comics don’t need at this point and a love triangle is at the top of the list along with Jean Grey dying and another Fantomex clone. Nuff said!

Divine Reckoning: Amazing X-men #1

The following is my review of Amazing X-men #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com .

In recent years, bringing beloved characters back from the dead has become more overused than the “To Be Continued…” teaser at the end of a TV show. It is not as much as a foundation for a good story as it is a marketing gimmick. Killing characters and bringing them back seems to be a quick and easy way to boost sales. Stories like Death of Spider-Man and Blackest Night have proven that as shameless as this gimmick may be, it still works. However, that doesn’t mean that a beloved character can’t be brought back in a way that’s compelling.

When Marvel announced that Nightcrawler was returning in a new series, Amazing X-men, it had all the characteristics of a gimmick. This is a beloved character who has been dead for over four years now, which in comics might as well be two decades. And it could be argued that his death was fitting, having died a hero during Second Coming in a way that had an impact that reverberated for years to come. But there’s no getting around the appeal of Nightcrawler. His story still ended abruptly, leaving many fans to debate endlessly on message boards what he would think of the current state of the X-men. Now Amazing X-men #1 promises to begin a new chapter in Nightcrawler’s story while also beginning the post-Battle of the Atom era of X-men.

It’s clear from the beginning that Nightcrawler truly did die during X-men Second Coming. There’s no time travel, cloning, or magic involved. For once, a character actually died and went to Marvel’s version of Heaven, which for some reason looks like it was ripped from Avatar. And being a man of faith and humility, it should not surprise anyone that this is where Nightcrawler went after he died. In another concept that seems so novel when it really shouldn’t be, a hero was actually rewarded for their good deeds. In an era where good deeds are as fleeting as the next relaunch, it’s very refreshing.

But as fitting as Nightcrawler’s afterlife may be, even he echoes the sentiment of many fans in that his story ended too abruptly. There are still things he left unfinished in his life and battles he had yet to fight. It’s as if Marvel was actually reading the sad letters and emails from Nightcrawler fans after he died. But even in Heaven, conflict seems to find him and this conflict involves his demonic father, Azazel. Given the setting and circumstances, it’s very appropriate. While Azazel hasn’t shown up since Chuck Austin’s infamous run on Uncanny X-men, his clash with Nightcrawler is akin to a clash between Heaven and Hell. It’s a holy crusade without Knights Templar conspiracy theories. It’s also much more entertaining in that it shows Nightcrawler fighting in the distinct style that has been missing in the X-men comics for too long.

But Nightcrawler’s afterlife is only part of the story in Amazing X-men #1. This is also the first X-men comic since the big shake-up in X-men Battle of the Atom. Kitty Pryde and the Original Five X-men have left, leaving the Jean Grey Institute in need of a new teacher. That brave teacher happens to be Firestar, a character who has not had a major presence in the X-men comics for quite some time. In fact, some fans may only know her from reruns of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. However, she enters this story as someone who feels like she belongs in the X-men. She’s still understandably overwhelmed by what she sees in the Jean Grey Institute, but that’s to be expected of anyone who visits a school that has a living island on its front lawn.

Through Firestar, there’s a keen insight into the workings of the Jean Grey Institute that has been missing from recent comics. Everything from the diversity of the student body to the current relationships between characters is explored. It’s both a refresher course and a hint at what Firestar will have to deal with. And before she can even teach her first class, she gets roped into helping Beast uncover a plot with the bamfs, the miniature Nightcrawlers that have been plaguing the Jean Grey Institute since it opened. And through this plot, the X-men at the Jean Grey Institute are in a position to meet up with their deceased friend.

The dynamics here are perfectly crafted, capturing the subtle personalities amongst the X-men and Firestar. It also finally explores the nature of the bamfs, which in many ways is so overdue that it should be subject to late fees. These dynamics give the plot depth that goes beyond just seeking out a deceased friend. Time and energy is actually spent setting up the characters so that the emotions involved in meeting a deceased friend don’t fall flat. The strength of any story that involves death or resurrection comes from the emotional impact it leaves. Stories like the Phoenix Saga build up to that impact, so much so that the story resonates for generations to come. But that story took place over the course of many issues. This story is just beginning and the impact can only trigger so many emotions without becoming melodramatic.

None-the-less, the impact of this story triggers all the right emotions. It’s entertaining and humorous, the voice of every character sounding distinct and appropriate. And while the action may not be on the same scale as the final issue of X-men Battle of the Atom, it still feels epic in a way not unlike a Rocky Balboa fight. Amazing X-men #1 was primarily billed as the issue that brought Nightcrawler back to the X-men. It did that and so much more. It re-established all the dynamics that make the X-men at Jean Grey Institute such a fun story to follow and did it in an entertaining, concise way. It’s a story that appeals to both Nightcrawler fans and X-men fans of every kind.

Final Score: 10 out of 10