Worlds Apart - Superman Meets Jean Grey In A Special (Sexy) Way

In addition to writing X-men Supreme, novels like Skin Deep, and reviewing comics, I actually do find time for other little side-projects. I honestly don't know where I find the time either, but some ideas are just too much to keep inside. Ever since DC's New 52 relaunch, I've contemplated a possible Marvel/DC crossover. I know I'm not alone either. There was a time when Marvel and DC actually did share their awesome and create epic crossover events. Lawyers have long since put the kibosh on that, but this hasn't stopped fan fiction writers from carrying on the legacy. Some are even pretty damn awesome. A very good friend of mine named The Writer With No Name has written some pretty epic stuff with his Last Son saga. He set the bar so damn high that I honestly don't see how I could ever match it, but that won't stop me from trying.

So I came up with this little idea to just test the waters of a Marvel/DC crossover. It's nothing too epic. It's basically just me trying a little something different to see if it has the potential to be awesome. It involves two awesome characters, Superman and Jean Grey, and brings them together in a very special (and sexy) way. It's just a simple one-shot. But if enough people like it, I'll try to turn it into something more awesome. Enjoy!

Worlds Apart

Yet Another (Pointless) Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix Teaser

Ever go to a party and come across one of those annoying guys who tells the same fucking joke over and over again as if it hasn't become more annoying than listening to Rosanne Barr's singing? Ever feel the urge to break an empty beer bottle over his head and rub the shards of glass into his eyes? Well don't worry. You're not a psychopath. You're normal.

Certain teasers for movies, comic books, and TV shows are a lot like that wannabe comedian at the party, except you can't break a beer bottle over a teasers head. If you could, every trailer that ever ended with the words like "never before seen" or "a journey like no other" would have irreversible brain damage. The same could be said for Marvel's trailers regarding Jean Grey. I know I use this image more than Lady Gaga uses lipstick, but it still gets the point across.

What I wouldn't give for a beer bottle.

There was a time when another Jean Grey teaser or Phoenix teaser or any teaser that involved Marvel and redheaded, green-eyed women would have launched me on a drunken rant that would have made Mel Gibson blush. But I thought we were beyond that. Marvel has already announced that Jean Grey (at least her teenage Original Five form) will be returning to the 616 universe after Avengers vs. X-men. This was not a ruse. Marvel has already released preview our and covers that confirm that there is no bullshit this time. Jean Grey will be returning to the Marvel Universe and will probably be exceedingly pissed about what's happened since she's been dead (and alive for that matter).

Okay, EVERYONE will probably be pissed.

But for some reason, Marvel's habit for Jean Grey teasers is almost as bad as my drinking. Just this past week, another teaser was released in the form of a variant cover for Avengers vs. X-men #12, which if you've been keeping track you know is the last issue of the event. It's not as blatant as the cover for Uncanny X-men #511. Actually, I think this shit is several levels above that. See for yourself.

Fuck, I'm going to need a bigger beer bottle!

It's not just a teaser. And if it's a joke, it would be like a joke about condoms at an abortion clinic. It's another Phoenix teaser, of which there have been plenty over the course of Avengers vs. X-men. But this isn't just any Phoenix. This is motherfucking Dark Phoenix! And it isn't just using Phoenix imagery. That's not fucking Hope Summers in the background. Hope Summers doesn't have legs that awesome, a rack that big, or eyes that ominous. Besides, Hope Summers has been shown on covers with the Phoenix before and they're at least a billion times less ominous.

Accept no substitutes and/or rip-off characters!

The teaser uses Jean Grey's image. Not Hope's. Not Madelyne Pryor's. Only Jean Grey fits that image and if Marvel isn't aware of that then they have way better booze than I ever will. It has led many comic news websites to ask if this is actually a hint that the Jean Grey that isn't a teenager will be making a comeback or at least an appearance. The fine folks at IGN put it nicely when they said "Sure, it could be Hope. I guess. But Hope doesn't have long billowy hair like that. This is obviously meant to evoke imagery of Jean, and if they pull a fast one and have it be someone else, well, that'd just be lame."

I'm not sure what to make of it other than Marvel just hoping to fuck with Jean Grey fans one last time before she comes back in All New X-men. I get it. They think that shit is fun. But there comes a time when teasers stop teasing and start annoying. Now don't get me wrong. I would love it if Jean Grey returned in Avengers vs. X-men #12 and used her Dark Phoenix might to bitch slap Hope for ripping her off all these years. But that shit would make way too much sense. Anyone who has been following this blog over the past few years knows Marvel doesn't do shit that makes sense even to a drunk. So for that, I'm content to look at this teaser in the same way I look at those AA pamphlets that list signs that you may have a drinking problem. I just ignore them and let someone else obsess over them until I figure out the cold hard truth for myself. Nuff said!

The Return of Jean Grey or Just Another Tease?

I normally don't blog when Marvel gives fans their weekly enema of teasers. I especially try to avoid blogging about teasers that have been blatantly overused in the past to the point where they're more worn out than Ozzy Osborn's liver. But this is one teaser that's hit comic fans like rocket powered dildo up the ass. It's triggered confusion, dread, elation, relief, indifference, and drinking. Okay, that last one can really be caused by anything, but you get the idea. This time shit is serious. Marvel finally appears to have done it. They've dropped the J-bomb. By that I mean Jean Grey. Once again, they're teasing her return courtesy of an article in Entertainment Weekly of all places.

Comic Con: Jean Grey Returning? EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW

It doesn't appear to be photoshopped or hacked from Joe Quesada's Iphone. The story was also picked up by CBR, Newsarama, and Bleeding Cool. The conspiracy theory in me wants to say they're in on the ruse along with the Illuminati, but this clearly cropped picture is the first time Marvel has been this overt about Jean Grey. The exact text of the article is equally compelling.

This week, Entertainment Weekly‘s Comic-Con issue will prepare you for the geek event of the year with an in-depth look at a whole host of movies and TV shows. But what’s Comic-Con without comic books? (Nothing but “-Con.” Look at that lonely hyphen!) That’s why EW is excited to reveal an exclusive first look at an upcoming initiative by Marvel Comics that will build off the current Avengers vs. X-Men crossover and radically alter the Marvel Universe as you know it. For now, we just want to tease you with a first look at an exclusive piece of art by Marvel CEO Joe Quesada.


To answer your questions: Yes, this is Jean Grey — as in, the Jean Grey who’s been absent from Marvel Comics ever since dying for a second time back in the mid-’00s. And yes, she is modeling her vintage blue-and-yellow X-Men outfit from her Marvel Girl days. Does this mean that the fan-favorite character is finally returning? We can only confirm that her presence in the Marvel Universe will not be imaginary. This will not be part of the Ultimate line-up. She will not be a zombie hologram, like Shard on X-Factor. What could this all mean? Check back tomorrow, when all the secrets will be revealed. (Or some of them, anyhow.)

Could they finally have sobered up? Does this mean I'll have to find something else to rant about on this blog? Comic Con is in two weeks and I'll probably be passed out in a brothel in Tijuana for most of the time, but this may be were fans get their first insight into the post Avengers vs. X-men world. Marvel has a history of hyping up the aftermath of an event almost as much as the event itself. It usually all boils down to the tagline, "Everything will change." No shit! Everything changes with each fucking issue in a comic book series, but there's change and then there's cock-smashingly huge change. This may be the latter.

While I want to get my hopes up, the sober part of my brain tells me this could be another bait and switch not unlike a transvestite prostitute that claims he/she will offer you a discount. This could be just another plug for a new X-men First Class series or an X-men First to Last event (which was pretty fucking awesome mind you) where Jean Grey really doesn't come back. It's just another one of those untold stories of the past before Jean Grey became that red haired, green eyed, Phoenix wielder that Marvel loves to fuck with. We won't know until the guys at Marvel stop laughing their ass off at the reactions on the message boards and provide more info. I'll eagerly be waiting when I'm not drunk, but for all you Jean Grey fans out there I would like to offer you one painful reminder.

Nuff said!

Sunday Rant: Avengers vs. X-men and the Jean Grey Fans it Torments

Since I don't have another review to offer this week, I figured I would try something different with this blog. I've got some liquor in me and I may or may not have snorted coffee grounds after thinking they were some left over blow, so I'm too wired to pass out. With Avengers vs. X-men inching closer and no more football as a distraction, there's a lot for us fanboys to discuss and wildly ramble about. This is Marvel's biggest event in quite some time. This is an event that has been building since House of M, a story that was told over half a freakin' decade ago. You can't fault Marvel for thinking long term and I'm looking forward to this event almost as much as a bender in Las Vegas. However, there's element that has been causing quite a stir among a certain segment of fans and Avengers vs. X-men threatens to change it in a way that will either piss them off or make them lick the mud off of the Marvel editor's shoes.

That threat has a name, Jean Grey. I've mentioned her many times in my drunken reviews. I've pointed out on various occasions how utterly fucked it is that Marvel has been using her imagery and her persona to essentially replace her. First, Emma Frost took over as the top telepath of the X-men and the de-facto fuck buddy for Cyclops. Never mind that their relationship has absolutely none of the depth that Jean had with Cyclops. It started off intriguing under Whedon, but since then writers like Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction have turned their relationship into a mix between a bad porno and an episode of Two and a Half Men. They don't show any romance. They just fuck as if that gives them more meaning than Cyclops and Jean, who raised a fucking child together and got married. But I digress.

The second and most egregious fucked-upedness that Marvel employed came in the form of Hope Summers. This is a character that was completely new when she was created in Messiah Complex. Marvel could have made her look like anything they wanted. They could have given her green skin and pink hair. They could have given her Betty White's face and Megan Fox's rack. Instead, they gave her red hair and green eyes like Jean Grey. That in and of itself isn't too fucked up because there are a lot of famous redheads in Marvel like Black Widow and Mary Jane Watson that fit that description. But none of them have the fucking Phoenix Force. And Hope has shown traces of the Phoenix Force since she was a baby. It's on panel to the point where it's not hard to ignore unless your blind, drunk, and brain damaged.

Yet Marvel insists that Hope is not Jean and will not acknowledge any connection. When it came up during their big Youtube announcement, Marvel's big wigs were completely silent. They were silent when I asked a Jean related question in a recent CBR X-POSITION. It's led some of the vocal Jean Grey fans that have managed to stay alive in the nearly 10 years since Jean Grey was killed off to express hope that Hope (no pun intended this time) will somehow lead to her return.

Now I would love for this to happen. I've grown really sick of Hope. She's a brat. She's a whiny bitch. She insists on dressing like Jean, acting like Cable, and playing the general role of a replacement character. However, that would make way too much sense. Marvel has done this before. They've teased the return of Jean Grey by connecting it with some big ass story that gets people talking. Whenever asked about it, they're silent as they're contractually obligated to be under threat of torture. Yet every instance when this has happened in recent times has turned out to be complete fucking bullshit. Everybody remember this?

Or what about this?

They both followed the same theme. Marvel hinted it and then laughed their ass off before saying "psyche!" at the end. This doesn't even get into the Phoenix Endsong and Phoenix Warsong series. While the first story was great in that it ended with Jean merging with the Phoenix, it was utterly and completely swept under the rug. Phoenix Warsong began the trend when it told a Phoenix story WITHOUT Jean Grey. And low and behold, it was poorly reviewed and didn't sell anywhere near as well as it's predecessor. You would think that Marvel would learn a lesson that having the Phoenix without Jean Grey is like having peanut butter without jelly, tits without ass, or weed without a jumbo bag of Doritos. But no. They haven't learned. They decided to pretty much cast Jean Grey aside and just use her imagery. That's like trying make shit smell like roses. It's an impossible task and a dick move.

But that's what has been done over the past few years. It all came to a head when Hope Summers returned in the epic X-men event, Second Coming. It was the first time Hope manifested the Phoenix Force in a full, Jean Grey-ish type way. She defeated Bastion and helped kick start the mutant species once more. But that moment was almost secondary to this.

Now it's not even being teased. Hope and the Phoenix Force are linked. Marvel isn't even denying that anymore. But there's still no mention of Jean Grey or how the events of Phoenix Endsong fit in if at all. They've only focused on the Phoenix Force and mention Jean Grey only as the unlucky bitch that died because of it. When Avengers vs. X-men was first hinted it, it came in the form of a Phoenix teaser.

That teaser has no mention of Jean Grey and neither has any subsequent announcement. It's gotten to the point where Marvel is starting to change the Phoenix mythos entirely and link it to other characters who never so much as uttered anything about it in decades. Case and point, Iron Fist.

So what does this all mean and why am I wasting perfectly good liquor talking about it? Well it's led me to conclude that Marvel is going to keep breaking the hearts of every Jean Grey fan in comic fandom. They're going to keep separating the Phoenix Force from her even if that means outright ignoring what happened in Phoenix Endsong. They want Jean's imagery, but they don't want to go through the trouble of bringing her back because for reasons that I can only assume are personal to the point of being a fucking phobia they don't want to bring her back. They claim they love her, but she's the fucking Phoenix and they're keeping her dead. In the same time that Jean has been dead, characters like Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Colossus, Psylocke, Thor, Cable, Hawkeye, and Sabretooth (who had his fucking head chopped off mind you) have come back to life. And they don't have the Phoenix Force. When a character whose very name implies that she comes back is kept dead, something done been horribly fucked up.

All this subtle bullshit leads me to believe that Avengers vs. X-men won't end with Jean Grey coming back in any real form. It'll probably end with the Phoenix Force being retconned or revamped to not need Jean Grey at all. It'll probably make it so Hope is a permanent replacement of sorts, one which Marvel could use as an excuse anytime someone asks about Jean Grey. It's a cop out and not a very good one. I want to believe that Marvel won't stoop to that level, but I've yet to see anything that would indicate otherwise.

Now let me disclose that I'm just a drunk here and there's definitely a chance that Marvel could prove me wrong. They could actually bring Jean Grey back with this event. They could make me have to post an equally long post apologizing for this post and offering to buy them all the beer in Frankfurt. I actually hope this happens. I usually don't want to be wrong, but this is once instance where I hope the talent at Marvel shuts me up and makes me look like a fool (as if I don't do that enough on this blog). However, given the history of Jean Grey teases I find it hard to hope otherwise until it actually happens.

So that leads me to one final prospect. A few days ago I started a thread on the CBR X-men Message Board asking if Jean doesn't return in AvX, then will that be the death knell to her fans that are constantly hoping for her return? Will they give up hope now that it looks like Jean will be dead for more than a decade? I don't base my love of Marvel comics on Jean Grey's return. I'll read, review, and embrace Avengers vs. X-men if it's awesome and the books after it. But Jean Grey remains a huge issue for Marvel fanboys of many stripes. With the Phoenix being center stage in this story, this may be the best time and the best stage to bring her back. If it doesn't happen, I don't see another chance like this coming along for a very long time. But again, I hope I'm wrong. I can't predict the future, but I can get wasted in the present. I suppose that's all we fanboys can do until Avengers vs. X-men finally arrives. Nuff said!