Iron Man 3 Trailer (With Plenty of Backup)

We're getting close to that time of year again, my fellow fanboy! It's that time when the weather isn't trying to freeze your nuts off on a daily basis and the cocaine-fueled orgy that is Hollywood prepares to corrupt America's youth with more senseless entertainment. As one of those proud youths, I say corrupt away motherfucker!

It has become routine for the summer movie season to be ushered in by a big name comic book movie. Last year we had the Avengers and fuck, you can't get much bigger than that. This year we have the end of yet another comic book movie trilogy and hopefully it's less X3 and more Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

I'm talking about Iron Man 3, the first Marvel movie to take place after the events of the Avengers. We already know Tony Stark is more fucked up than his alcoholism can cope with. We've had plenty of time to digest the earlier previews that show shit blowing up and the Mandarin trying his best to make audiences forget that it's a white guy playing an Asian character. But today Marvel has released a more detailed trailer that offers some additional insight that can be best summed up in one word...backup!

Iron Man was the first Marvel movie to usher in the era of the Marvel movieverse. It set the tone for a long streak of awesome that would eventually culminate in Avengers. But Marvel says that shit was only Phase 1. This is Phase 2 bitches! And Phase II requires more than just one guy in an Iron Man suit for reasons that are too awesome for any trailer. While I'm not the most patient drunk in the world, I understand that awesome shit is worth waiting for. But still, May 3rd better hurry the fuck up and get here! Nuff said!

Iron Man 3 Superbowl Trailer - Rich People Troubles

You know you got too drunk watching the Superbowl when you wake up hung over on your bed spooning your laptop with a porno still playing. Between oversized men beating the shit out of each other and hot women dancing on a stage, there are few things more American than the Superbowl. Hell, it's the only time of year when you don't skip the commercials because you might actually find one that's entertaining. Because most major companies these days can't be bothered to put in the effort during the other 364 days of the year.

But among all the colorful commercials of stupid white men, clever animals, and overt sexual innuendo there are a few other gems, namely movie trailers. Because what better way than to spread the word about a movie you've been hyping up for over a year than to pay TV stations obscene amounts of money to show a trailer that most people would just as easily watch on Youtube? I don't get it either, but I guess that's why I'm not in advertising. My only ideas would be putting ads on beer bottles to entice already gullible drunks. But Marvel seems to be saving that as a last resort, it seems, because during the Superbowl they showed yet another trailer of Iron Man 3. And in case you were too drunk like me to remember or too busy jerking off to Beyonce, here it is.

We don't really learn much more than we already know. Apparently, Tony Stark is overly traumatized by the shit that happened in Avengers and like a typical rich douche and part time superhero he manages to make it a serious fucking problem. Don't get me wrong. I'll be standing in line to see this movie with Iron Man cos-players and sneaking in a six pack like every other self-respecting Marvel comics fanboy. But I can't feel too compassionate about a guy going through personal issues when he has billions of dollars to fall back on. That or I'm still bitter about him being the asshole who thought that shooting the Phoenix Force with a big ass gun in Avengers vs. X-men was a good idea.

Whatever the case, it's going to be a big fucking deal when this movie comes out. If for no other reason, it's big because it's the first Marvel movie to take place after Avengers. And if a rich douche like Tony Stark is going to get shell shocked in a way that Shwarma can't fix, what hope do the other Avengers have? Nuff said!