Iron Man 3: A Threequel That Doesn't Suck!

The end of a movie trilogy has always been looked upon in the same way a fly looks at a piece of cow shit. You know one is going to be drawn to the other. You can't avoid it. The best you can do is hold your nose and hope that the fumes don't incur too much brain damage. Some call it the Godfather 3 syndrome. I call it overpaid movie types spending too much money on blow and not enough on making sure the damn story actually works. I'm not against Hollywood types doing blow. Hell, TMZ would go out of business if it stopped. But there's a little something us functioning crack heads called moderation and it pays off if you're not a complete fucking retard.

That brings us to Iron Man 3, the first movie in Marvel's Phase Two segment of its movies and the last in the trilogy that kicked off Phase One. Iron Man was in many ways the movie that set the standard for Marvel movies. It didn't just turn Robert Downey Jr. from a recovering coke head to a massive superstar. It showed that comic book movies can be both awesome, profitable, and entertaining. It did for Marvel what the internet did for porn. It created an exciting new medium for awesome that soaked the panties of a generation of comic fans.

Yet it's because these movies were so good that the third sequel was in great danger of burning out. When the bar is raised so high, it's only natural that someone ends up hitting their or flat out choking to death (see X3). Even when they don't choke, threequels can be so sub-par that they can taint the whole trilogy (again, see X3). So the stakes for Iron Man 3 couldn't be higher. But I'm both happy and drunk to report that this is not the case.

That's right. It was all uphill from here.

It's true. Iron Man 3 is awesome. Yes, it is a threequel and it's awesome. Praise Odin, Galactus, and whatever crazy deity those blue cat people worshiped on Avatar. For once, Hollywood didn't fuck up a threequel. I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes while semi-sober. But it's true. Iron Man 3 actually succeeded where X3, Superman 3, Spider-Man 3, and Godfather 3 failed. It's basically Marvel Studio's way of saying "Suck it, Fox!"

Let's start with the premise. Iron Man 3 took one of the most recognizable Iron Man villains, the Mandarin, and one of the best Iron Man stories from the comics, Extremis, as source material. That would be like X3 using Apocalypse and NOT fucking up the Phoenix Saga. But it's not just the source material that is rich in awesome. The events of Avengers have left an indelible mark on Tony Stark. Apparently, flying a nuclear bomb into a wormhole has a way of fucking some people up. He's basically a wreck now, suffering from the same post traumatic stress disorder that most anyone would suffer from if they went through something so fucked up. He can't sleep. He's drowning himself in work. And he's doing a shitty job of keeping his girlfriend/partner, Pepper Potts, happy. Then again, I guess when you're Gweneth Paltrow and you're the most hated, pompous celebrity in Hollywood, that's not much of a stretch.

But the world after the events of Avengers has also been fucked up. I mean what do you do when you've been invaded by aliens and gods? Well one organization seems to know what to do. You fucking profit from that shit! It's insane how realistic that sounds, but that's exactly what the Advanced Idea Mechanics, or AIM as any self-respecting Marvel fan would know, plan to do. And that's where the Mandarin comes in. He's basically Bin Ladin, Khadafi, and Kim Jong Ill with better sunglasses and a beard. He also may be one of the most racist character you'll ever come across in the comics, but he's basically this evil guy with an Asian-sounding name who wants to destroy America. Why? Because fuck America, that's why! That's what it pretty much boils down to in the comics.

Yep. Nothing raised about this.

But it's worth noting here that the movie does something unique with the Mandarin that helps soften the blow to anyone inclined to bitch about racism. I won't give it away, but I will say that it establishes a sense of theatricality in the movie. I'm not talking about M. Night Shyamalan twists here. If you're hoping for a twist that's going to blow your fucking mind, go back to hoping for Batman fans to forgive Joel Shumacher because it's not going to happen.

Throughout Iron Man 3, nothing is quite as it seems. It's hard to tell just what forces are at work at times, but unlike other movies that try to throw too many curve-balls that end up missing the plate and hitting the batter in the balls, those forces do get revealed. It helps create a bigger picture throughout the movie that actually sends a message that doesn't just involve the benefits of sending high tech robots to kill other high tech robots. It gives the sense that the world within the world is an act. People will manipulate the fears and outrage of the masses to accomplish a goal. Even when that goal is as basic as making money, the sheer breadth of it speaks to the depths of both greed and the need for control.

This is where AIM comes in. They are, in many ways, the ultimate villain of the modern era. They are not some blood-thirsty foreign army or some rogue terrorist group. It isn't enough for them to just make fancy shit that they can sell to people that are eager to blow shit up. They need to control both the supply and the demand of war. That's where Aldrich Killian and Maya Hansen come in. Aldrich is the leader of AIM and Maya is a chick Tony boned in the past who came up with Extremis, proving once again that most of the evil in the world can be traced back to ex-girlfriends. They seek to use Extremis, a bold new drug that started simply as a means of enhancing the human body and helping wounded war veterans heal, as the ultimate weapon of war. It's devious, but not unrealistic. You have to think that the guys at Fox News and the Vatican have entertained some plans like this at one point.

It all comes back to Tony Stark, but in this movie he can't just beat this threat by making a better Iron Man. In fact, for most of this movie he's either not in his Iron Man suit or he's using a suit that has been badly damaged. Early on in the movie, his instability and his arrogance get the better of him. His house blows up. His girlfriend gets abducted. Jarvis goes off line. And he's basically stuck in some random town in the middle of Tennessee (the part without Elvis impersonators) trying to piece everything together. He essentially has to rebuild himself and not just Iron Man. And that's part of what makes the story itself compelling. He's a badly wounded guy with serious anxiety issues trying t pull himself together. All the while, he's still the same lovable prick. Only a guy like Robert Downy Jr. can pull that shit off and make it so entertaining.

In the end, this battle comes to a very definitive and very satisfying conclusion. It's made clear that the suit is not the only thing that makes Iron Man who he is. Tony Stark and Iron Man are one in the same. Take away the suit and the house and he's still Iron Man. Stick him in the middle of nowhere and force him to team up with some random kid and he's still Iron Man. Take away that glowing chest plate and he's still Iron man. That's the main message of this movie and it delivers that message perfectly.

You'll never be this awesome. Ever.

That's not to say the movie is without flaws. Unlike Iron Man 2, you won't see Black Widow or Nick Fury showing up. There's no teaser either about new Marvel characters entering the movie universe. Everything is strictly Iron Man here. Even the after-credits teaser offers no insight. In addition, it can come off as a bit convoluted at times. But again, it doesn't force you to ignore the finer details like a Dark Knight Rises would.

Overall, nobody is going to put Iron Man 3 above Avengers. It's just not as epic. It can't be as epic by default. But if ever there was a template with which to effectively close out a trilogy, this would be it. This movie gets to the essence of who Iron Man is and doesn't try to do anything overly radical with it. It just takes some of the best elements that make Iron Man who he is and runs with it. For that, I give Iron Man 3 an emphatic 5 out of 4.5. It's a satisfying movie to complete a satisfying trilogy. It may not make you think Gweneth Paltrow is any less annoying, but it will make you love Robert Downy Jr. and it will make you love Iron Man. Now excuse me while I go give the finger to every other threequal that sucked. Nuff said!

Iron Man 3 Trailer (With Plenty of Backup)

We're getting close to that time of year again, my fellow fanboy! It's that time when the weather isn't trying to freeze your nuts off on a daily basis and the cocaine-fueled orgy that is Hollywood prepares to corrupt America's youth with more senseless entertainment. As one of those proud youths, I say corrupt away motherfucker!

It has become routine for the summer movie season to be ushered in by a big name comic book movie. Last year we had the Avengers and fuck, you can't get much bigger than that. This year we have the end of yet another comic book movie trilogy and hopefully it's less X3 and more Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

I'm talking about Iron Man 3, the first Marvel movie to take place after the events of the Avengers. We already know Tony Stark is more fucked up than his alcoholism can cope with. We've had plenty of time to digest the earlier previews that show shit blowing up and the Mandarin trying his best to make audiences forget that it's a white guy playing an Asian character. But today Marvel has released a more detailed trailer that offers some additional insight that can be best summed up in one word...backup!

Iron Man was the first Marvel movie to usher in the era of the Marvel movieverse. It set the tone for a long streak of awesome that would eventually culminate in Avengers. But Marvel says that shit was only Phase 1. This is Phase 2 bitches! And Phase II requires more than just one guy in an Iron Man suit for reasons that are too awesome for any trailer. While I'm not the most patient drunk in the world, I understand that awesome shit is worth waiting for. But still, May 3rd better hurry the fuck up and get here! Nuff said!

Iron Man 3 Superbowl Trailer - Rich People Troubles

You know you got too drunk watching the Superbowl when you wake up hung over on your bed spooning your laptop with a porno still playing. Between oversized men beating the shit out of each other and hot women dancing on a stage, there are few things more American than the Superbowl. Hell, it's the only time of year when you don't skip the commercials because you might actually find one that's entertaining. Because most major companies these days can't be bothered to put in the effort during the other 364 days of the year.

But among all the colorful commercials of stupid white men, clever animals, and overt sexual innuendo there are a few other gems, namely movie trailers. Because what better way than to spread the word about a movie you've been hyping up for over a year than to pay TV stations obscene amounts of money to show a trailer that most people would just as easily watch on Youtube? I don't get it either, but I guess that's why I'm not in advertising. My only ideas would be putting ads on beer bottles to entice already gullible drunks. But Marvel seems to be saving that as a last resort, it seems, because during the Superbowl they showed yet another trailer of Iron Man 3. And in case you were too drunk like me to remember or too busy jerking off to Beyonce, here it is.

We don't really learn much more than we already know. Apparently, Tony Stark is overly traumatized by the shit that happened in Avengers and like a typical rich douche and part time superhero he manages to make it a serious fucking problem. Don't get me wrong. I'll be standing in line to see this movie with Iron Man cos-players and sneaking in a six pack like every other self-respecting Marvel comics fanboy. But I can't feel too compassionate about a guy going through personal issues when he has billions of dollars to fall back on. That or I'm still bitter about him being the asshole who thought that shooting the Phoenix Force with a big ass gun in Avengers vs. X-men was a good idea.

Whatever the case, it's going to be a big fucking deal when this movie comes out. If for no other reason, it's big because it's the first Marvel movie to take place after Avengers. And if a rich douche like Tony Stark is going to get shell shocked in a way that Shwarma can't fix, what hope do the other Avengers have? Nuff said!

Avengers: The Movie - Assembling Awesome

There are very few things in this world that are worth waiting five years for. This is America. Usually, if we have to wait for more than a day we tend to say, "Fuck it, I'm going to a bar." For shit we're stuck waiting for, we tend to get easily distracted if we have to wait more than a year. This is a country where you could find the cure for cancer and solve world poverty, yet you will be completely forgotten the next day if news breaks that one of the Kardashians is in rehab. Yet as ADD as this country is, there is some shit we'll gladly wait for. The Avengers movie is a movie that's been building up hype for five fucking years ever since Sam Jackson had a brief two-minute part at the end of the Iron Man movie and after the fucking credits no less. Well now it's finally here and is really worth the wait? Well after having just seen it and after having endured my share of distractions over the past five years (most of them coming from titty bars), I can safely say that yes. It was so fucking worth it!

There's only so much I can do to dissect a two hour movie and explain all the ways in which it is awesome. I'll try to squeeze in as many as possible, but how much explanation do you really need? If you've seen the trailers, you've seen a good chunk of what it can deliver. Like most trailers, it tries to squeeze in as much as the good stuff as possible. The good stuff is usually shit that explodes, shit that laments over impending doom, and shit that has tits or a nice ass. The Avengers trailer is no different. Don't believe me? Look at the trailer and tell me I'm wrong.

But the trailer only tells one half of the story. I know, it's shocking...a heavily hyped movie that offers more depth than what you see in the trailer. But it's true. That big battle scene from the trailer was only the culmination of a story that hit the ground running and ran so fucking hard that if it had nipples they would be bleeding like a porn star after running 10 consecutive marathons. If you've been following the other Marvel movies such as Iron Man, Iron Man II, Thor, the Incredible Hulk (the new one and not the one that involved killer poodles), and Captain America then you'll see the story flow seamlessly. Even if you didn't see those movies (and welcome back from whatever cave in Mars you've been in for five years if you haven't), it's a very understandable story.

It boils down to a little something you could probably fit in your glove box. SHIELD is working with a new and potentially limitless source of power from a tiny little glowing cube called Tesseract, or the cosmic cube if you know anything about anything about Marvel comics. Following the events of Thor, Erik Selvig, the physicist who was grossly outshined by Natalie Portman, has been helping SHIELD tap it. Well that turns out to be a horrible fucking idea because during a test, it opens up a gateway that allows Loki to emerge. Despite being thrown off the Bifrost Bridge by Thor, he's as alive as a cockroach in a crack den and understandably pissed. Since he lost his chance to be king of Asgard, he'll settle for enslaving the Earth and ravaging it in the same way stoners ravage a bag of Doritos. I can think of some much better ways to cope with defeat, but none of them are nearly as awesome.

Armed with a special staff given to him by a shadowy alien figure that claims command of the Chitauri, he takes control of Dr. Selvig and Hawkeye to steal the Tesseract. Like Loki, they seem interested in taking the Tesseract and will gladly help Loki sucker punch the planet Earth to get it. Now why an advanced alien species is stupid enough to trust the god of mischief is beyond me, but I guess being an advanced alien species must get pretty fucking boring. Maybe they should focus some of that alien know-how on better weed, but that's their problem. With the most powerful relic on the planet in the hands of a disgruntled god, Nick Fury (the Sam Jackson Fury and not the David Hasselhoff Fury) starts assembling the Avengers. He enlists help from Captain America, whose only way of coping with this crazy modern world of iphones and internet porn by hitting a punching bag, and Tony Stark while he's in between cocktails. He even gets Black Widow to take a break from crushing Russian gangsters with her legs to recruit Bruce Banner. No one mentions how Bruce suddenly turned from Edward Norton to Mark Ruffalo, but like the Ashley Olson's eating disorder it's just not shit they like to talk about. The important part is Banner says yes and he agrees to help.

Seriously, who would say no to this?

What follows for a good chunk of the movie is the Avengers basically bickering and getting along about as well as Pat Robertson in a gay bar. It certainly doesn't help when Thor drops in looking to bring his wayward brother to justice for usurping the throne of Asgard, but it makes for a pretty awesome fight scene with Iron Man and Captain America. It doesn't sound too interesting on the surface, dedicating a good chunk of a big budget movie to just having a bunch of superheroes with overly bloated egos argue about whose dick is big enough to screw Loki over. But Joss Whedon makes this shit work. When you think about it, beings this powerful probably should clash. It would be even more disturbing if they all just got along, went out for beers, and took turns hitting on waitress. They're not exactly a team that was trained to work together. They were essentially cobbled together because Nick Fury was in over his head and didn't know how the fuck to handle shit that involves a renegade Asgardian god. The interpersonal dynamics really help flesh each character out. Some that really haven't been fleshed out like Black Widow and Hawkeye get some much needed backstory. It makes things all the more satisfying when shit starts to get heavy.

And yes, it does get pretty fucking heavy. Loki isn't just content with stealing from SHIELD. He needs some extra rare materials to make the Tesseract open the gate he needs to let the Chitauri in so he can grab a drink and watch them fuck up the planet. To do that, he uses his control over Hawkeye and a few tricks that involve pretending to surrender so he can further fuck with the Avengers. Along the way he helps expose a mystery that really twists the dynamics of the movie and of SHIELD in general. It turns out that they weren't researching the Tesseract to tap it's unlimited energy to give every man, woman, and child on Earth free electricity and cell phones that don't die out in the middle of a Mardi Gras wet T-shirt contest (still haven't forgiven Samsung for that). They were going to take a page right out of the Red Skull's playbook in Captain America and use it to make weapons. For reasons that are entirely understandable, the Avengers have a problem with this and Nick Fury doesn't apologize for it.

What? You didn't see me winking when I said I would use it for peace?

This secret threatens to undermine the whole order that SHIELD is trying to maintain in defending the world. To be fair, Nick Fury does offer a pretty valid reason. In previous movies like Thor, alien visitors and gods with way too much fucking time on their hands pretty much decimated an entire town. Granted it was in New Mexico and few outside of a few cattle rancher lobbyists gave a shit, it showed just how woefully unequipped they were. So why not develop the kind of doomsday weapons that tell guys like Loki and the Red Skull "You really want to piece of this, motherfucker?" Even if his reasons are valid, the Avengers aren't too keen on trusting a guy who only has one good eye and a shitty poker face. So when shit goes down, they decide to strike out on their own and end Loki's shit themselves.

Once everything is in place, Loki uses Tony Stark's own massive building that would easily compensate for even the smallest of dicks to open a portal. From there, the Chitauri hit New York almost as hard as the news about Tim Tebow being traded to the Jets. What follows is the kind of epic battle scene that Michael Bay probably jerks off to every night. It's even more satisfying than the previews imply, mostly because the movie dedicated so much time to setting up the dynamics between the Avengers. Plus, it's funny as hell to see the Hulk slam Loki around like a rag doll. Seeing it in 3D makes it all the more engaging. You couldn't ask for a better drawn out battle scene if Joss Whedon himself offered to pack your neighbor's garage with C4 and offered you a front row seat before blowing it up. It's the Avengers taking on an alien hoard and every moment is so immensely satisfying that if it were a hooker, Bill Gates would go bankrupt if he paid by the hour.

Overall, there's so much to love about this movie that I would need several blogs to list it all. Comic book movies have had their ups and downs over the years. Men like Joel Shumacher and Brett Ratner have tried their best to completely destroy the genre, but Joss Whedon and all the fine folk at Marvel have done a great job of giving those douche-bags the finger and showing them how you make a kick ass comic book movie. Watching the Avengers, it should give fans a true appreciation of how far we've come. And I'm not just talking about the five years of movies that built up the continuity that culminated in this one. A lot has happened since the days when comic movies were underfunded and not taken seriously. Now with this movie, it feels like the genre can finally spit on the critics and flex it's muscle.

We've come so far.

The Avengers isn't a perfect movie, but no movie is perfect no matter how many shots of Scarlett Johanssen's ass it tries to squeeze in. Some people will find some shit to be disappointed in. I personally thought it was bullshit when they killed Agent Coulson, but there is simply too much to love about this movie. It is the epitome of comic book excellence. For a long time, Marvel has been playing catch-up with DC since they had great movies like Superman all the way back in the 70s. Now with Avengers, they can finally say they have one-upped their asses and they are now the new standards in awesome. It is a great power for them to bear and hopefully they understand the responsibility of what they've done here. They can easily fall into the same trap as the Wolverine Origins and Superman Returns of the world, but with Avengers they have shown that they can do this shit right and do it well. I give the Avengers a perfect 5 out of 5. If there's even one cell of your body that enjoys comic movies, action movies, thrillers, or just shit that assaults your senses with weapons grade awesome then the Avengers is a movie you must see before you consider your life complete. Nuff said!

Official: Jon Favreau Drops Out of Iron Man 3

I know it's been a while since I posted movie news of any kind. It's not like there's nude oil wrestling going on in the comic movie department. It's all been standard. Marvel Studios is doing well, the stage is set for the Avengers movie, and the cast and supporting films are coming together. Then yesterday someone dropped a bomb that will make some fans shit their pants. Jon Favreau, the guy who brought Iron Man to life on the big screen in a way that was fifteen different kinds of awesome, has dropped out of directing Iron Man 3.

CBR: CONFIRMED - Jon Favreau Passes on Iron Man 3

This is big news because many comic fans have been down this road before. A director comes on board and brings an iconic comic series to life in an awesome way. The first two movies are epic, wetting the appetites of all those who seek comic book awesome. Then when the time comes around to commit to a third movie, the director pulls out faster than a high school football star from an under-aged cheerleader when her homicidal dad starts banging on the bedroom door. The result is a third movie that isn't just sub-par. It sucks elephant balls and gargles rhinoceros jizz.

Case and point, the movie that dare not speak it's name to X-men fans (X3). Bryan Singer was so generous. He gave us two fantastic movies that brought the X-men to life in a new way. Then he jumps ship on X3 so he can make a shitty Superman movie that turns the world's most iconic hero into a deadbeat dad. And we're left with Brett fucking Ratner, a guy about as qualified to do a comic book movie as he is fly the space shuttle. The result was a movie that pissed off comic fans so much that effigies of Ratner are still being burned. His name is now so tainted that if he comes within 50 feet of an X-men property comic fans are legally entitled to throw rocks at his balls. This guy destroyed the X-men series. The films that followed X3 have declined in quality faster than a Tuna sandwich kept near a radiator in the basement. So what's that say about Iron Man 3?

It's been a long standing rule since the Godfather trilogy. When the first two movies are good, chances are the third will be terrible. There are very few exceptions and usually the chances are better when the same director stays aboard. Spider-Man 3 wasn't a masterpiece, but it sucked way less compared to X3. Now Iron Man has a tough mountain to climb. History is working against it. Fate is not on the side of awesome. It will take some time to see how it comes together, but comic fans everywhere have reason to worry. Nuff said.

Iron Man 2 Review - Solid Awesome

Well I went to a late night showing of Iron Man 2 amidst a crowded theater and a line that stretched out the doors. But this was one of those movie events you just have to see because it radiates awesome on so many levels. Now it's a common theme for movie sequels to be a big deal, especially ones coming off the heels of a first movie that was so successful. Many times they can fizzle out, coming off as so contrived it feels like the producers just took some bums off the street, gave them a case of tequila laced with LSD, and had them hammer out a plot that the studio could slap together with some flashy gimmicks to make more money. Iron Man 2 doesn't have that problem. It feels like someone put more work into it than your standard sequel. It was going to make money no matter how good it was, but it's comforting when it's good enough to warrant this title as an awesome successor.

Iron Man 2 picks up about six months from where the first movie left off. In that time Tony Stark has revealed to the world that he is Iron Man and since then, he's been using his suit to trot around the world blowing shit up and making peace with an iron fist. Most people know this line from the previews.

"I have successfully privatized world peace."

That's not an bullshit statement. He's effectively cut out the middle man when it comes to peace making, namely the government. As such, he's got no bureaucrats up his ass telling him where and when he can kick ass. Of course, the government doesn't like that. Congress led by Senator Gary Shandling accuse him of making them look bad (as if that's hard for anyone who has ever had to go to the DMV) and demands he give the Iron Man suit to the military. Of course he says no and this opens up one of the major themes to the movies.

From the beginning Robert Downy Jr. plays up all of Tony Stark's charming personality and by charming that also implies his douchebag tenancies. He really gives a sense that Tony Stark may not be privatizing peace just because it's the right thing to do. It often comes off as an ego trip, a guy trying to carve a legacy for himself because he didn't like the one he had in the last movie. It does come off as selfish and altruistic at the same time and few actors could pull that kind of thing off. Downy does it as easily as a line of cocaine and it makes for great movie magic.

Downy's brilliance is well complimented by the awesome sexiness that is Scarlett Johansson. She takes on the role of a "Legal Assistant" who helps Tony in transferring the role of CEO to Pepper Pots. Of course, she's too hot for that shit. She's really a badass secret agent named Natasha Romanov, aka the Black Widow, working for Nick Fury (played by the super cool Sam Jackson) and SHIELD. Her job, other than looking hot, seems to be tempting Tony Stark's piss poor will-power and giving him some lousy advice about what to do if he's dying. She also analyzes him for his potential role in the Avengers initiative (hinting at yet another movie down the road), which is less than stellar. She eventually joins in the ass-kicking, looking super skilled and super hot in the process. Some of the things she can do with her legs are deadly, but seriously you might just envy the men who died like that because what better place to leave this world than between Scarlet Johansson's thighs? Not a bad way to go out.

This is also where Ivan Danko, aka Whiplash, comes in. Ivan, who is wonderfully portrayed by Mickey Rourke, sees through Tony's charm. He's one of those villains who naive viewers think he's just an asshole looking to make trouble, but if you watch for more than two seconds you'll see there's some truth behind the madness. Danko has the resources to prove his point. His father worked for Tony's father, Howard Stark, and was essentially shafted. He was like a stray dog someone would bring into their home because he looked lost and abused, but the second he took a shit on the rug they kicked him to the curb. The general idea here is that dog had a puppy and it grew up to be a vicious little mutt that went back to bite the previous owner in the balls. That vicious mutt is Danko.

He showed everybody that Iron Man isn't invincible and made his own suit using technology left to him by his father. He ended up using it quite well at that, taking on Tony and messing him up in broad daylight in front of a global audience. It was the superhero equivalent of pulling down his pants and showing the world he had hemorrhoids. From here, Danko gets the attention of Justin Hammer, the other big villain of the movie who Tony Stark has gone out of his way to discredit and humiliate as an incompetent, dim-witted competitor in the world of weapons manufacturing. He's such a jackass to this guy you almost want him to get Danko's help because nobody deserves that kind of lampooning, even if they are a rich bastard.

While Hammer and Danko start working together, Stark is going down a path of self-destruction that Keith Richards himself might step back from. In the last movie his love of decadence was well-demonstrated, but it's different this time around. This time, Tony is suffering from blood toxicity caused by the chest plate that's keeping him alive. So he doesn't believe he's going to be alive much longer. What's the most logical thing to do in that respect? What else? Get pissed faced drunk, throw a party, destroy your house, and completely alienate your friends in the process. This is where the guy who always defends him, James Rhodes, basically strikes out and takes one of Tony's suits to the military where they make it into War Machine.

It all comes to ahead at the end when Danko once again makes Hammer look like an incompetent tool, hijacking his new Iron Man knock-offs and attacking Stark's expo. It makes for some great explosions, some kick-ass fighting, and general over-the-top action that one would expect from a film taken from the annuls of Marvel Comics.

So what does the final product come to? Well it definitely rides the tidal wave of hype and manages not to fizzle out, so there's that. But compared to the first film, there wasn't much of an improvement. In fact, in some ways it felt a lot more disjointed. The action, dialogue, and plot didn't flow nearly as well or as naturally as it did in the first movie. At times the cinematography reads like it was edited by a 15-year-old crack addict with carpel tunnel syndrome. The dialogue was also pretty off at times. It sounded nowhere near as conversational as the last movie or most movies for that matter. When the characters talked, it sounded like they were reading it from a teleprompter and not trying to add a personal touch. I get that this is a movie of big explosions and pretty technology, but that alone an awesome movie does not make.

Then there were the little things. Gwenth Paltrow's portrayal of Pepper Pots didn't change much from the last movie and that in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but you expect a wee bit more progress in the character than this. She sounded downright whiny and bitchy at times, like a spoiled rich girl complaining that her daddy was having fun without her. Granted, she still had great chemistry with Downy, but she lacked the maturity she had in the first movie. Mickey Rourke's performance was solid too, but at times his character came off as flat. When he spoke, it didn't have much personality behind it. He sounded as though he was overacting at times, like he was not really into the character and trying too hard to be like the comic book. There's a limit to that because his lines were limited and when he did speak, it was short and contrived. You get the sense there was depth to Danko's character, but Rouke never got to flesh it out. Now while Scarlet Johansson's portrayal of Black Widow was sheer hotness, it takes more than boner-inducing looks to pull off a character. She came off as flat as Rouke at times. Plus, she didn't even have an accent! How can you do Black Widow and not have that distinct Russian accent? Rouke made it work well. Why couldn't Johansson?

Take all these peeves, throw them into a blender with the rest of the movie, mix it all up, and you'll get something you won't chug every day like chocolate milkshake laced with crack. But you'll get something that's bearable and tasteful, enough to make you glad you indulged and enough to make you want to indulge again. But it's nowhere near the sheer ecstasy of other kick-ass sequels like The Dark Night, X2, or Spider-Man 2. It is still awesome in it's own light. It stands on it's own as a worthy successor to the first Iron Man. And wouldn't you know it? There was one last scene after the credits that hinted at the next big Marvel movie. I'll give you a hint. It involves a guy with a hammer who talks like he's spent one day too many at a Renaissance fair. Nuff said.

So what's the final verdict? For all it's faults and successes, Iron Man 2 gets a 3.5 out of 5. It has plenty of charm, but not the revolutionary imagining that the first one did. It keeps the appetite hungry for more, building further to the eventual Avengers movie set to come out in a few years. There's a lot to love and it's perfectly acceptable to say that Iron Man 2 is kick-ass awesome and one of the best movies of the year so far.