Thursday, August 29, 2013

X-men Battle of the Atom #1 PREVIEW!

Waiting for a big event in a comic book is like waiting for the weed to kick in. It's agonizing as hell, but if it's done right it's totally worth it. Several months ago, Marvel announced X-men Battle of the Atom, the event that celebrates the X-men's 50th anniversary. It's hard to believe that it has been nearly 50 years since Stan Lee and Jack Kirby teamed up and put together their collective brilliance to create one of the most awesome team of superheroes to ever exist. Sure, they totally ripped off Doom Patrol, but they only did what Apple does. They took something that already existed, made it ten times more awesome, and made a fuckton of money off it. That's success, bitches!

Not much has been revealed about Battle of the Atom beyond the typical shit we hear from every major Marvel event. It'll be big, blah blah. It'll change everything, blah blah. Someone's going to get killed and brought back, yada yada. The event itself is always more entertaining than listening to Marvel's talking heads play charades while trying to describe it. That or I just suck at charades. All we do know is that the event involves X-men from yet another apocalyptic future coming back to the present to tell the O5 that they need to get the fuck back to the past. It's actually more logical than it sounds. At least, it's as logical as any time travel story can sound without giving Dr. Who an aneurysm. It's actually following the recent precedent Marvel set with Age of Ultron in trying to make time travel have some actual consequences for once. Until recently, time travel was like knowing which hookers a senator was screwing. Nobody really had to worry about the laws of nature applying to them. Well now that shit is changing and it promises to bring the X-men of the past, present, and future together in a temporal orgy that would give Stephen Hawking a boner. And today, CBR released the first lettered preview pages.

So what can we glean from these previews? More than anything else, we can surmise that somebody fucked up the future again, Frank Cho's artwork is awesome no matter how big the boobs are on teenage girls, and Iceman is horny. I don't like to make predictions that don't involve fantasy football, but I'm going to surmise that Beast did something to fuck up again. He's the one that brought the O5 into the present. It makes sense that he'll be at least indirectly responsible for fucking up the future. Others have warned him about it and he has just brushed it off the same way that NSA brushes off the Constitution. I say it's about time his douche-baggery catches up with him. All he has done is bitch and moan about Cyclops while fucking up the space time continuum. He used to be so much more likable than that. I'll be shocked if I don't have more reasons to hate him after this. Next week can't get here fast enough. Good thing I've stocked up on sedatives! When you're this excited about an event, making the time go by faster is worth a little brain damage. Nuff said!

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