X-men Supreme Issue 78: The Lotus and the Warrior PREVIEW and Pic Update

The X-men Supreme fanfiction series is taking many new twists and turns. I've set the stage for some very important conflicts both in the enar and distant future. Expect the X-men to face threats the likes of which they have never encountered before in this fanfiction series or any. New characters have emerged. General Nathan Grimshaw and Captain Jack Freeman are starting to make their presence felt in the world of X-men Supreme. And with Robert Kelly now President of the United States, there are many new conflicts to explore.

However, that doesn't mean there isn't room for more classic X-men conflicts. One of the original premises of X-men Supreme was to tell some of those familiar X-men stories with a novel twist. Marvel has tried to do that too with a number of their comics. I did a lot of that early on with X-men Supreme, but lately I haven't made much room for such stories. Some may even think X-men Supreme is drifting too far away from that classic X-men feel. Well, I hope this upcoming arc will change that because it involves introducing a couple of familiar and classic X-men characters, but with some very important twists.

As I revealed in Issue 77: Meeting of the Minds, the story of Weapon X has not yet come to an end. Wolverine has had his past torment him in a long list of ways throughout the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. Sometimes it comes directly from Weapon X, sometimes it comes from the likes of Mr. Sinister, and sometimes it even comes from his own fragmented memories. Well now it's about to come from a new source and that source is from Japan. Most Marvel fans already know that Wolverine already has a big solo movie coming out next month that features stories inspired from his history in Japan, which are part of a classic series of tales told by Chris Claremont and Frank Miller. Japan has always been an important link to his life and that will be no different in X-men Supreme.

General Nathan Grimshaw already revealed that he knows more about Weapon X than the X-men. With the information he gave them, they're now on their way to Japan where they'll encounter the likes of Deathstrike, a classic X-men villain known for tormenting Wolverine in so many ways. But she won't be the only one! X-men Supreme is about to introduce Betsy Braddock, aka Psylocke. She's one of Marvel's top telepaths and a personal favorite of mine. She and Deathstrike are going to make a big impact on the X-men Supreme fanfiction series and it begins with this arc! As such, I've prepared an extended preview of what readers can expect in this new arc.

Elizabeth Braddock had slipped away from the investigation at Yashida Tower. She had the information she needed and the police were none the wiser. As soon as she was a safe distance from the scene, she took out her phone and called Matsu’o Tsurayaba. The old man was right. This case was officially out of their league. When Yakuza were involved with someone like Deathstrike, there was no amount of due process that could stop them. She was just about to get into her rented car when Matsu’o answered.

“I have been awaiting your call, Betsy. Please tell me what you uncovered.”

“Sorry for the delay, luv. Traffic around the crime scene has been a real bitch,” answered Betsy, “But it appears you were right. Someone knows the Yashidas are up to something and she’s tying as many toe-tags as they can to find out what it is.”

“Who exactly is this she? Is it anyone we know?”

“You were at Interpol for more years than I’ve been alive. I’m guessing the name Deathstrike rings a bell.”

There was a brief silence over the line. Betsy assumed Matsu’o was taking a moment to cringe.

“Deathstrike…are you certain?”

“It had all her calling cards. You would think someone with adamantium claws built right into her fingers would try to be more subtle. The cuts on that body were clean and so was the cut on the chain, which the police appear to have completely missed.”

“So they are still oblivious? They have yet to deploy any resources into seeking her or Yashida’s activities?”

“That seems to be the case. Regardless of what the police throw at her, I don’t doubt she’ll keep probing. So long as she doesn’t find what she’s looking for, the body count will keep rising.”

There was another silence over the line. Betsy assumed Matsu’o was contemplating their next move. Looking back towards Yashida Tower, she scowled the Yakuza and the blood on their hands. Her father spent much of his life at Interpol taking on groups like the Yakuza. She grew up hearing stories about their greed, secrecy, and brutality. Yet that never stopped him from trying to bring them to justice. Even after the death of her mother, he never stopped fighting. As such, Betsy sought to follow in his footsteps. It seemed fitting that she would carry on this fight and her Uncle Tsurayaba was giving her a chance.

“So what’s our next move?” asked Betsy, “We can’t just let Deathstrike keep killing people. It’s going to cause another bloody turf war between the Yakuza families.”

She heard her uncle sigh over the line. He sounded deeply distressed, which was saying a lot because he should be used to this.

“Do not fret, Betsy. I have a plan.”

“Please tell me I’m still part of it. It would be a shame for me to fly out here and not see my first real case to the end,” she said.

“Rest assured, you will play a major role in this investigation. For that reason, I need you to meet with me. I am in the Rinku industrial district.”

“The industrial district? What in the bloody hell are you doing there?”

“I cannot explain over the phone. Just get here as soon as possible. I am in Building X-10. I’ll be waiting with a few associates of mine.”

“Did you already call for backup?”

“In this situation, I assumed that would be a given. I will fill you in on the details as soon as you arrive. We must move quickly though. Yuriko Oyama has a tenacity that is not to be underestimated.”

“No need to remind me. I’ve seen enough of her handiwork to want to throw her into the darkest pit I can find,” said Betsy as she got into her rental car, “I should be there in a half hour.”

“Thank you, Betsy. Again, I cannot tell you how much this means to me. Your father would be proud.”

“Thank you for giving me a chance, Uncle Tsurayaba,” she said as she started up her car and prepared to drive off, “This is what I was born to do!”

And in my effort to keep other areas of this site up-to-date, I have also taken time to update another section of the pics section. I'm always on the look out for awesome artwork to add to X-men Supreme. It has been a while since I've updated the sections for Rogue, Mystique, and the Black Queen so I've compiled an assortment of new images and included them. Enjoy!

Rogue Pics

Black Queen Pics

Mystique Pics

I believe there is always room for these classic X-men stories, even as the world of X-men Supreme continues to distinguish itself from the depictions in Marvel comics. It will be difficult balancing these stories with some of the newer stories I have planned for this fanfiction series, but I promise I will make a concerted effort to ensure it's awesome every step of the way. As such, it's very important that I continue to get feedback. So please take the time to post feedback in each issue of X-men Supreme or contact me directly. I'm always open to talk X-men! Until next time, take care and best wishes! Excelsior!

Jack

Scanned Thoughts: Uncanny X-men #7

It's fitting that I put my brain and liver through hell at times when I'm reading a comic about the X-men going through a place that is akin to hell. Cyclops's revolutionary team is going through some hellish trial-by-fire in the pages of Uncanny X-men. Their new recruits were total pussies at first. Now they've got no choice but to be awesome. And these are my thoughts on such methods as I embrace the hellish undertones of this series.

Unfortunately, this hell of an issue begins by flat out giving away the ending. We see Magik sitting before Dr. Strange, who has ties to the same Avengers that want to put Cyclops on trial for murder, like a middle school girl who was sent to the school counselor for flashing her tits in gym class. She sounds completely unlike the sinister, demonic, yet lovable teenager that she had been since this series began and more like a freshly neutered puppy. It essentially implies that shit didn’t work out that well in this issue.

Flashback to the battle in Limbo. Cyclops and a team of new, inexperienced mutants are left to take on Dormammu’s armies. It took a little psychic trick from the Cuckoos to get them to stop pissing themselves and actually fight, but it’s not exactly a very fair fight. That doesn’t prevent the team from holding their own. They actually seem to do more than just provide a minor inconvenience to Mephisto’s forces. It also nicely demonstrates that many of these new X-men are still new to their powers. Watching them try to fight with them is like watching Ms. Utah try to give an economics lecture, but much more entertaining.

This entertainment, however, doesn’t hide the fact that their powers are still broken. Through much of the battle, Magik continues to narrate during her spoilerific therapy session with Dr. Strange. In this narration she reminds the reader that Cyclops, Emma, and Magneto are still dealing with broken powers thanks to the Phoenix Force. Her powers are broken too, which was what landed them in this real, actual hell in the first place. They’ve been trying to hide that shit the best they can since this series began. But in the same way pretending to be a modeling agent at a bar eventually catches up to you, it’s only a matter of time before this shit comes back to bite them.

While the rest of the X-men are taking on Dormammu’s minions, Magik takes on Dormammu himself. She is now wielding a fiery, demonic aura of superpowered teenage girl on her period. This makes for a much more even battle against someone who is essentially a fucking god in his own domain. Along the way, Magik surmises that she ended up pissing off Dormammu because her powers were harming Limbo. Then using the kind of reasoning skills not associated with teenagers, she figures that since Dormammu draws so much of his power from Limbo, she might as well harm it even more to harm him in return. I’m not going to point out how awesome it is that a cute Russian teenage blond girl figured that out. I’ll only refer pissed of feminists that constantly bitch about female characters in comics to this issue to show that even the type of girls associated with Russian brides can kick ass.

The problem with Magik’s perfectly logical tactics against Dormammu is it’s too damn slow. Those glitchy powers I mentioned earlier finally start to catch up to the team. So does the whole removing the fear from the newbies tactic. Some get hurt while Cyclops and Magneto’s fucked up powers start fucking them over. This adds some urgency to Magik’s methods. It also shows nicely that this team is still pretty raw. They’re like an expansion team in football trying to play a team comprised completely of pro-bowlers (or the San Francisco 49ers). It’s not exactly comical. It’s downright tragic and leaves me wondering just how fucked Cyclops’s revolution is.

And Magik seems to know just how fucked it is because she sees how badly her teammates are fucking up. Despite showing some grit early on, they eventually fall like the fat kids in dodge ball. So she has to go to more extremes and for a teenager, that’s almost always dangerous. Rather than continue fighting the entire Limbo dimension, Magik beats Dormammu by actually absorbing it into herself. There’s something oddly sexual and misogynistic about this, taking all this evil into your body and containing it. Or maybe it’s just a big fart joke. Either way, that’s how she ends the battle.

And it’s a very unglamorous way to do so. Magik absorbing an entire dimension is not quite as bad as Superboy’s continuity punch, but it’s in the same ball park. If she can absorb an entire fucking dimension, what’s going to happen the next time she takes a shit? Moreover, how is containing a dimension that has Dormammu as it’s good in the body of a teenage girl going to function as a long-term solution? It doesn’t even come off as one of those “it seemed like a good idea at the time” moments that happens every time one too many bottles of tequila are involved in a vacation. For a book about a mutant revolution, all this demonic shit just seems really out of place.

While Illyana disappears with an entire demonic dimension in her insides, the rest of the team are roughly dropped back at their base. Both their pride and their spirits are wounded, but some are more wounded than others. Benjamin, the male Mystique in training, was seriously hurt during the battle. Seeing as how his power to this point is taking on the look of girls he’s trying to bone, that shouldn’t be much of a surprise. It also further reinforces the notion that these X-men are horribly under-equipped to deal with the rigors that comes with being a mutant. But they’re not completely without redemption.

One mutant who actually does have some degree of mastery over his powers is Christopher. His powers involve healing and while he claims he has only mended cuts and bruises to this point, he makes an effort at healing Benjamin. He needs some guidance from Emma Frost and the Cuckoos and since he flirted with the Cuckoos in the previous issue, he has a lot of incentive to succeed. He knows that if he lets a teammate die, he can assume he’ll die a virgin and the Cuckoos will keep their panties under lock and key.

There may be hope for Christopher’s penis though because he does succeed. He essentially brings Benjamin back from the dead, which is a power that should comes in handy when comics resort to killing characters every couple of months. It’s also a nice scene that shows that not all these young mutants are completely inept. They are capable of doing some shit right. It just might be a bit early for them to start fighting demons in Limbo. Maybe they can save that for their junior year or something.

But not everyone wants to stick around for that junior year. In fact, most teenagers only wish they could skip or ditch high school by that point. And Goldballer, or Fabio as he’s called when someone isn’t making fun of his mutation, reverts back to the whiney little pussy he was a few issues ago. He says he wants no part of the X-men. Being able to shoot out gold balls and training in the Danger Room is one thing. Fighting demons in Limbo is just too much. And I can’t blame him, but for a scene that should be full of teen angst it’s very underwhelming. The whole resolution to this issue is underwhelming. Maybe it’s because it was already spoiled in the beginning, but there is way too much room for improvement here.

In addition to being underwhelming, the ending is also light on details. It ends exactly where it began, with Magik bitching and moaning to Dr. Strange about having a dark dimension inside her. Now to be fair, that’s one of the few things that’s actually worth bitching and moaning about. If you complain that nobody loves you and you have no friends outside of Facebook, you’re a pussy. But if you complain that you now have to contain a dark dimension in your soul every hour of every day, you’ve got problems and you do need a doctor and probably some very potent medications. That’s how this issue ends. It’s akin to Magik visiting a therapist. It’s as exciting as it sounds.

This is by far the weakest issue of Uncanny X-men to date. For a series that has been so damn awesome since it began, it’s quite a downgrade. At the very least this issue ends the whole Limbo story quickly and can just set it aside. Now the next story can get back to more important matters like why Magneto shaved his head, how O5 Angel is going to fit in with the new team, and when Cyclops is going to bone Dazzler. These are my thoughts on Uncanny X-men #7 and no, I don’t give a shit about how fucked up they are. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: All New X-men #13

Every week I soak my brain in illicit chemicals, read a comic book, and write about the twisted thoughts that emerge. All New X-men has created a wide array of thoughts, most of them positive in a way I don't usually find outside a strip club. All New X-men #13 promises more thoughts, minus paying a hundred bucks for a few lap dances. Here are my twisted thoughts on this issue.

The mission to get back at Mystique for using their images to scare the shit out of people is still on, although I think they might be more effective using a lawyer rather than brute force. It works for Goldman Sachs. However, they are still dealing with many uncomfortable revelations. For one, Angel ditched them like a stripper that gives only half a lap dance and steals your wallet. Then they found out that Cyclops has a little brother that they never told them about. For a team that’s supposed to take on giant robots and evil mutant brotherhoods, you would think that shit is worth knowing. The O5 are all learning unpleasant things about one another…well, except Iceman. So far the only thing he has learned about himself is that he’s had bad luck with women and his older self is currently dating his teacher, Kitty Pryde. But this is All New X-men. That shit is only the fifth most awkward revelation this series has revealed.

But all that awkward shit will have to be worked out some other time, most likely in the presence of several licensed therapists. They need to find Mystique and her team of bank robbing, reputation destroying douchebags. And since the O5 are currently on law enforcement’s shit list, O5 Jean Grey has to tap yet another power she’s woefully ill-equipped to manage. She has to use her telepathy to fool the minds of law enforcement officers to thinking they’re not there and just looking for stoners to bust to fill their quota (I wish that was a joke, but that’s a real thing sadly).

It’s yet another instance of Jean Grey pushing her burgeoning powers, which has been explored since this series began. But you have to wonder if at some point the X-men will realize that it may not be a good idea to push the powers of a teenage girl who grows up to become Dark Phoenix and maims 5 billion aliens on a whim. It’s compelling, but like the hot big-titted slut in a slasher movie. You know it’s not going to end well for her.

The team arrives at the site of one of Mystique’s robberies, which looks like a hotel room after a party by Led Zepplin so there are still plenty of armed men sifting through the rubble. O5 Jean puts her new skill to use while Wolverine does what he does best (aside from being pissed at Cyclops and lusting after married women) and tracks their scents. It’s actually a nice moment where the O5 get to learn a bit more about how Wolverine and the team do business. It’s easy to forget that even though All New X-men is on its 13th issue, not a whole lot of time has transpired in comic time. I get that time flows in comics at a rate that seem to imply that Father Time is stoned on some pretty awesome shit, but these kinds of details at least add some depth.

But as we’ve seen before in this series, O5 Jean Grey isn’t exactly the accomplished psychic she grows up to be. She manages to fuck up once again, allowing some of the guards to see them. And like any law enforcement person that sees a minority with a joint, they shoot first and don’t ask questions. This seriously bothers O5 Cyclops, hinting that he might have actually agreed with his older self more than he let on. But it once again shows that these O5 X-men aren’t exactly the lean mean mutant team we’ve come to expect. They’re teenagers in costumes. They’re only slightly more experienced than your typical cos-player. This still allows O5 Iceman to finally do more than just juggle snowballs. So his older self is dating the teacher and he’s saving the day? Suddenly, Iceman’s balls are descending a little and it only took 13 issues.

But what about Mystique? What the fuck is she planning to do with all that money? Bathe in it while using it to put her name on every building in the world Donald Trump style? Lady Mastermind doesn’t buy it. She believes Mystique has other plans that she isn’t divulging. She’s a shape-shifting mutant with a history of lying, cheating, and enjoying it every step of the way as if it were akin to multiple orgasms. And you know what? She’s right, but not about the orgasms.

Mystique did have another plan in mind and this plan involved the Silver Samurai and our old friends, Hydra. This isn’t the first time they have shown up in All New X-men. But now they’re doing more than just providing random fodder like Nazis in a Wolfenstein game. Mystique doesn’t have too many friends or allies in the Marvel universe anymore, having either killed them, pissed them off, or slept with them. And I guess Hydra is one of those select few, although I can’t help but wonder if she’s thinking about roughing up some drapes with Madam Hydra.

Back in the jet, O5 Jean is once again demoralized and bummed. She continues to do a disservice to the legendary reputation of her older self. Yet you still can’t help but feel sorry for her. Bendis has done a great job of showing her as a wide-eyed teenage girl who is trying hard to make sense of the world. It makes for a nice scene between her and Cyclops where she basically puts a huge burden on herself. She needs to be perfect, lest she fuck up her future even more. But seeing as how she’s already dead in the future, it’s not clear how much worse it can get.

But a much more detailed debate emerges when Havok’s speech about the so-called M-word is broadcasted. As I said earlier, time is really fucked up in comics and apparently his speech happened very recently. Mystique heard it with her team earlier in the book. Now the rest of the X-men are hearing it and despite being inexperienced teenagers that still probably think communism is a good idea on paper, they have a problem with it. Now this speech took place in Uncanny Avengers a while ago. It’s odd that Bendis is finally referencing it now, but it helps add a sense of synergy to this book that you usually don’t hear outside of bullshit corporate events.

And the one who provides the best insight into the whole M-word debate is Kitty Pryde. Because not only is she a mutant. She’s also Jewish and as we see on a daily basis from Iran, there are still some pretty anti-sematic assholes out there. She gives this awesome speech about this time when she heard some asshole she had a crush on say something that would bring tears of joy to Hitler’s eyes. Then rather than suck it up and go back to fantasizing about boy bands, she flat out proclaims that she is Jewish. And now she’s a mutant. Her point is simple. She wants people to know who and what she is so she knows if she’s going to have to bust any balls.

Her speech isn’t just another “fuck you” to Havok’s bullshit M-word speech. It effectively draws a line between what the All New X-men are doing and what the Uncanny Avengers are doing. It shows that the Avengers and the X-men still don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to addressing mutant issues. It took a fucking cosmic force for them to finally sit down and confront the bullshit surrounding mutants. And so far, they seem to be doing a very shitty job of it. While they may be incompetent as fuck, it still makes for a very compelling and very thought-provoking debate.

Mystique, however, takes a more basic approach when it comes to dealing with the hardships of being a mutant. She adopts the same approach the government uses whenever a big bank fails. She just throws money at it and hopes that will fix things. But she actually does have more of a clear plan than anything Congress has ever proposed. She offers Madam Hydra (who I’m still convinced she wants to fuck) an actual mountain of money to buy Madripoor. She wants to basically take it over and run it herself. Because running a small country worked out so well for Cyclops until a cosmic force fucked everything up, she wants to give it a shot. I’m not sure how viable this sort of plan is, but at least it makes more sense than what she said in previous issues about just making enough money to ditch the mutant issue altogether.

The negotiations between Mystique and Madam Hydra could have been very heated and made an awesome porno. But the O5 manage to arrive just in time to fuck everything up. I want to be upset, but I already have plenty of lesbo porn to jerk off to so I’m not too mad. The battle that unfolds is short, but to the point. Wolverine leads the O5 into battle against Mystique and Hydra. Wolverine also gets another chance to wound Sabreooth, which like a cold beer he never passes up. I’m guessing this is a deal-breaker between Hydra and Mystique. She’ll have to find something else to buy with her big pile of money. Maybe Texas is for sale. She can’t be any worse than Rick Perry.

But in the course of this overly basic fight, Lady Mastermind noticed O5 Jean’s presence. And given Mastermind’s history with Jean, it’s just too good a chance to pass up fucking with her. She was the one that humiliated her father. And while Jason Wynegarde was a total dick and probably a shitty parent, Lady Mastermind goes to work making shit even harder for O5 Jean Grey. And she does it using the fucking Phoenix Force.

I may be a drunk, but I haven’t killed enough brain cells yet to forget the shit the Phoenix caused in Avengers vs. X-men. Even if this is just an illusion and the Phoenix Force isn’t actually there, seeing again gives me that same feeling I get when I go to the dentist knowing that I haven’t flossed. It’s too soon and I’m not drunk enough to see another Phoenix plot. But seeing O5 Jean Grey tap the fucking Phoenix again is still an awesome sight and one that ends this comic on a high note.

Once again, All New X-men demonstrates why it’s one of the best X-books and also the most well-thought out. There’s actually some compelling words and arguments to be made in this book about labeling people. And if you’re not busy jerking off to images of Mystique going at it with Madam Hydra, you would do well to think about them. These are just my fucked up thoughts on All New X-men #13. And no, I won’t apologize for them. Nuff said!

To Live Outside the Law, You Must Be Honest: "Cable and X-Force #10"

The following is my review of  Cable and X-Force #10, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

What is it about outlaws that people find so fascinating? How can one part of us be fascinated by people who represent a strong moral ideal while another part is fascinated by people who break the law with a smile and thumb their nose at anyone who tries to stop them? It’s like the public’s tastes are schizophrenic and nobody can seem to get the dosage right.

X-Force is been built around the premise of using X-men who behave like outlaws. Characters like Cable, Domino, and Dr. Nemesis aren’t known for being Eagle Scouts. They do the kind of things that other X-men only wish they could do, taking out possible threats with the kind of violence that would give Charles Xavier an omega-level migraine. Rick Remender showed in his run with Uncanny X-Force how shooting things, even a spooky kid Apocalypse, can have dire consequences. Dennis Hopeless has put Cable in a similar situation with Cable and X-Force. From the very beginning, this incarnation of X-Force has been driven by Cable’s visions of the future. Early on, the nature of their missions was confusing and hard to follow. But as the series has unfolded, it has become more streamlined and compelling for that matter. And every step of the way, X-Force’s brutal tactics have been necessary to get the job done.

However, it didn’t take long for those tactics to come back and bite them. They’re not just wanted fugitives anymore. They’re on Abigail Brand’s (she of S.W.O.R.D., sister outfit to S.H.I.E.L.D.) most wanted list after stealing her ship and setting an alien prisoner free. The target on their backs couldn’t be bigger if it included a neon sign, a boom box, and a Kickstarter campaign. Now X-Force is on the run. The Uncanny Avengers are on their trail and looking to use Cable’s adopted daughter, Hope Summers, against him. Cable already managed to get on their bad side as well when he punched Havok in the jaw during the first arc. After the events of the previous arc, they now have even more motivation to hunt him down. But Cable isn’t about to go quietly and that is what has helped this series become a compelling journey of outlaws and renegades.

Cable and X-Force #10 does a much better job than previous X-Force titles of depicting the unique challenges associated with being mutant outlaws. There’s no fancy base. There’s no secret support from other X-men. After the events of the previous arc, Cable and his team have to hide out on a Cheyenne reservation with Forge. There’s no Danger Room to train in or mansions to sleep in. It’s just a trailer, picnic tables, and horseshoes. It’s basically the kind of rudimentary setting you would expect for a team of outlaws.

But beyond their tenuous situation with the Uncanny Avengers, the guiding force behind X-Force’s mission remains the same. It’s still being fueled by Cable’s visions of the future and despite the team’s previous success, they’re getting worse. He keeps seeing more disasters and even the son of Cyclops and a Jean Grey clone can’t handle everything. This leads to what feels like a key moment for Cable’s team when Domino confronts him and encourages him to start treating them…well, like an actual team. Because to this point, he has just been giving orders and they’ve been nice enough to follow them. But that’s not enough anymore. To deal with these visions, they need to become a team and not just a misfit band of mutant outlaws. They have to become more like Ocean’s 11 and less like a coordinated bar fight.

In addition, this issue also offers a few hints as to the source of Cable’s visions. Since this series began, not much has been revealed about what happened to Cable after the events of “X-Sanction” and why he started having these visions. But Hope Summers stumbles upon a few clues when she catches up with Blaquesmith, who hasn’t been seen since “X-Sanction”. After ditching the life the Avengers and X-men went to so much trouble giving her, she wants to find Cable. However, she also finds out that somewhat tampered with Cable’s brain and Blaquesmith may know who it is.

But this comic isn’t just all turning points and melodrama. An X-Force book just wouldn’t be an X-Force book if there wasn’t some over-the-top action. The Uncanny Avengers eventually do catch up with Cable and his team. This time, there’s no pleading or diplomacy. Abigail Brand already gave them her blessing in beating X-Force into submission and Havok’s jaw is probably still hurting so there’s plenty of hostility to go around. The battle is somewhat small in scale, but it’s still nicely organized and very satisfying.

Given the recent string of defeats the Uncanny Avengers have faced (see All New X-men and Uncanny Avengers), they need at least some semblance of success. And that’s what they get here. While Cable’s team is able to escape, Cable is subdued. It creates a very volatile yet intriguing predicament for him and his team. They have disasters to stop, but now that guiding force is under the guard of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes and some of its most experienced X-men. In that sense being a mutant outlaw just became a lot harder.

Cable and X-Force was a series that struggled with numerous plot holes early on. But in the past few issues, the story has become much more coherent. The emotions of the team and the nature of their mission is finally coming into focus and it has created fertile ground for some very compelling stories. This builds on that foundation while providing some entertaining action sequences that should satisfy any X-Force fan. The sub-plot with Hope Summers has still been slow and her character seems to become more unlikable with every act she takes in this post-“Avengers vs. X-Men” era. But the series as a whole is solid and this issue nicely reflects how this X-title has come to be exactly that...solid.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

X-men Supreme Issue #77: Meeting of the Minds is LIVE and Bios Updates!

A new world is emerging in the X-men fanfiction series. With Robert Kelly now President of the United States, something is going to be done about the human/mutant conflict. The first three volumes of X-men Supreme have already made it painfully clear that the powers that be aren't doing their job. They need a fresh approach. One aspect about the whole concept of mutants and superpowers that wasn't heavily explored in the pages of Marvel comics is how does a government deal with them? Mutants and the X-men may be a metaphor for minorities, but no other minority has superpowers like mutants. How can any government or society hope to deal with them? Well, that's what I hope to explore in this fanfiction series in addition to the X-men's other classic threats.

The past few issues of X-men Supreme have brought new players into the human/mutant conflict. General Nathan Grimshaw and Captain Jack Freeman have made a bold move for President Kelly's attention by infiltrating Genosha and stealing Magneto's helmet. They succeeded and now they have the President's ear. But what will this mean for the X-men? What will this mean for mutants? Is General Grimshaw a new ally or a dangerous new enemy? That's what this latest issue of the X-men Supreme fanfiction series is going to explore. I assure you that both he and Captain Freeman will be playing a vital role in the future of the X-men Supreme fanfiction series and it begins here.

X-men Supreme Issue 77: Meeting of the Minds

And now that I've spent a few issues introducing these two new characters to the world of X-men Supreme, I'm finally ready to reveal some more in depth information about these two new characters that I've created. Captain Jack Freeman and General Grimshaw are my own creation so they have few references to work from. For that reason, I've crafted two detailed entries in the bios section for them. I even was able to commission some fresh artwork from the ever-talented Brian Brinlee to offer a brief depiction of what they look like. Since these characters will be so vital to the future of the X-men Supreme fanfiction series, I encourage everyone to check it out and learn more about them.

General Nathan Grimshaw Bio

Captain Jack Freeman Bio

I'm really looking forward to utilizing these two original characters. I hope they grow on readers as the X-men Supreme fanfiction series continues to evolve. I may introduce a few more original characters down the line, but for now expect these two to have an important role in the future of X-men Supreme. As always, I strongly encourage everyone to take the time to provide feedback about this and every other aspect of the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. Please leave a review in the issue or contact me directly. Either way is fine. Thanks again to all those who take the time to read and review! Until next time, take care and best wishes. Excelsior!

Jack

Scanned Thoughts: Uncanny Avengers #9

Every week when I pick up a certain comic, it triggers a flood of strange chemicals in my brain that cannot be induced by anything I find at a pharmacy or a street corner in Tijuana. And when those chemicals are the reaction from a team like the Uncanny Avengers, a team so dysfunctional that they could have their own sitcom on Fox, they can be pretty volatile. These are my thoughts for Uncanny Avengers #9. You might want to wear safety goggles.

Rick Remender was the one who had Wolverine lead a team that shot a kid in the head and drown his own son to death. So I guess it’s only fitting that as the writer of Uncanny Avengers, he take some time out of Havok being a total douche to torment Wolverine about it. It comes in the form of a nightmare lecture by a kid Apocalypse with a bullet in his head, Arcangel, and the dead body of his son, Daken. They’re basically reminding him of how he fucked up. It’s like me having dreams about every time I came to school wearing a Backstreet Boys T-shirt. The kind of horror and mental torture is excruciating, but given how this has led to the Apocalypse Twins I think it’s perfectly appropriate. I’m sure this sort of mind-fuck is nothing Wolverine can’t handle. He can always go back to dreams of Jean Grey in a thong.

After waking up from his nightmare, Wolverine joins Havok and the Scarlet Witch for a verbal whipping by Agent Brand and Maria Hill. It’s not all doom and gloom. They managed to prevent Peak, SWORD’s overpowered space station, from crashing into Rio and completely disrupting the export of bikini wax products. They were also able to describe the big boom over Akabba, courtesy of the Scarlet Witch using her powers for something other than mutant genocide. I guess that counts as progress. But it’s still not clear just what the hell the Apocalypse twins were expecting by trying to crash Rio or blow up a city of loyal followers. They speculate that it was to just gauge their response. If that’s the case, then it’s painfully inefficient. It probably would have been easier to just Google them, but not nearly as destructive. And where’s the fun in that?

The Apocalypse Twins certainly seem to have a taste for fun. They enjoy plenty of non-destructive activities such as being pampered by beautiful women in bikinis with bird masks and exhuming dead bodies. I’m not saying they’re healthy activities, but they perfectly in line with anyone who crashes space stations and triggers nuclear explosions during a hard day’s work.

However, they don’t have much time for hobbies. While the Uncanny Avengers are saving vacation spots, they took the time to fuck with the laws of physics and create a block to prevent Kang the Conqueror from coming from the future. It adds some curious twist to the whole Kang sub-plot, which seems to have been overlooked in the past few issues. But if he’s got a gate preventing him from time traveling, then at least it offers a partial explanation of why we haven’t seen him. It’s not like you can miss a guy who dresses up like an 80s rock band and was rejected by the blue man group.

And their hobby of exhuming dead bodies also has some worth as well, but not in the way necrophiliacs are probably hoping for. The Apocalypse Twins may not look like the Apocalypse we all know and love or even match his same charisma. But there are some family traditions they just have to keep. Apocalypse rarely showed much respect for dead bodies. And rather than just waste them on feeding worms or mounting them on his wall, he found that they could be more useful as horsemen. And since the Apocalypse Twins flat out slaughtered the previous horsemen that were introduced in Uncanny X-Force, they need to fill the void and do it in a way that will maximize X-men and Avenger pwnage.

This finally brings us to Kang the Conqueror, who to this point has been overlooked in this arc. At least now we know why. The Apocalypse Twins are cock-blocking him. But that didn’t stop him from leaving a message for Captain America to find. In the previous issue, he landed in the parts of Sudan where shooting live targets is right up there with masturbation in terms of afternoon activities. It was a mystery as to who left him some strange holographic message. But after what was just revealed, it makes perfect sense that it’s Kang.

His message is pretty basic. The Apocalypse Twins end up becoming the evil overlords that Dr. Doom always failed to be and he tried to stop it by doing what he does best (until Wolverine topped him in Age of UltroN), which is fuck with time. He says seven timelines have been created as a result of the Apocalypse Twins and all of them end with the world having a few extra torn assholes. And since he’s stuck in the future, he’s relying on Captain America and the Uncanny Avengers to save his miserable ass. Makes me wonder why the hell he didn’t kill the twins, but I’m going to assume that would somehow fuck up the time stream even worse. Seriously, what doesn’t fuck it up these days? He even offers Cap a weapon, but that ends up being shot to shit thanks to a few Sudan rebels. You can always count on gun-toting militia-men to make shit worse, no matter what universe you’re in.

The battle against the Apocalypse Twins looks to be pretty awesome, but there’s another battle brewing within the team and it involves two beautiful women. In that sense, it’s almost every bit as awesome. It involves Rogue and the Scarlett Witch. It also involves Havok’s controversial speech where he turned the word “mutant” into a racial slur that could get the Don Imuses of the world fired. Much has been said by politically correct fanboys with too much free time and Rick Remender has generally told them to fuck off. I get the sense that with this conversation between Rogue and the Scarlett Witch, he’s throwing in a few extra middle fingers.

The debate is actually pretty intense and engaging. Usually, scenes that just involve characters talking tend be boring. But this shit was almost as intense as an arm wrestling match between the Hulk and Superman. Rogue thinks his idea is bullshit and asking mutants to dissociate with their M-label is like asking a gay man not flaunt the fact that he never has to deal with buying tampons for his spouse. But the Scarlett Witch sees it another way. The labels associated with being a mutant only breed more fear and stereotypes. It’s amazing how valid each of their points are, so much so that I struggle to imagine them wrestling naked in a pool of baby oil. It makes for a great debate and a scene that really escalates the conflict over how the Uncanny Avengers handle their whole mission about bridging the gap between humans and mutants. It’s the kind of juicy moments that you only used to see in Rick Remender’s Uncanny X-Force, but it’s every bit as awesome here.

The heated debates continue beyond labels and stereotypes. Just as Wolverine was facing his nightmares early on in the issue, he now has to finally come clean to the rest of the team about what happened with Angel and X-Force. He basically has to admit that he led a mission where a child got shot in the head and Angel was basically killed and reborn a brain-damaged hippie. Those are some pretty fucked up crimes, especially for an Avenger.

The reaction of the team here is spot on. Captain America sure is pissed. So is Wasp. And why the fuck should they be? Were they not aware that Wolverine had a nasty habit of killing people before he joined the team? I mean fuck, it’s not like it’s a secret the NSA has to uncover through stolen emails. He flat out admits to the team that he’s a killer and he did what he had to do. But not everyone is disgusted. Thor comes clean and says that a lot of this shit with the Apocalypse twins was his fault too because of that glorified bar brawl between him and Apocalypse that was shown a few issues back. Again, it’s a scene with little action, but Remender finds a way to make the dialog every bit as entertaining as 1,000 battles against killer robots.

Once again, the Uncanny Avengers are about as coherent and organized as Congress during happy hour. It actually provides a compelling reason for why the X-men and the Avengers didn’t team up sooner. They probably would have slaughtered each other by now if they had. But Havok, being the leader and the top douche, tries to keep his team together. He basically tries to do what his brother was so good at doing, minus the hot redhead or blonde he’s boning. He points out that they’re playing right into the hands of the Apocalypse Twins and he’s right. They’re doing plenty to help them. But the prospect of them working together to take on this threat looks about as promising as Nicholas Cage’s last Ghost Rider movie.

And who do these embittered X-men and Avengers have to face in order to beat the Apocalypse Twins? Well, after desecrating a few graves and the Apocalypse Twins now have their horsemen. And who will rise up and further torment this team that makes the Oakland Raiders look competent? How about Daken, Sentry, Banshee, and Grim Reaper? All are dead Marvel characters and now they’re back, evil, and ready to take on a team that can’t seem to stop bitching and moaning with each other. It’s about as fair a fight as pitting sick puppy against a chainsaw-wielding Michael Vick on crystal meth. Hell, you could put it on pay-per-view and I would still watch it with a raging boner.

These are my thoughts about Uncanny Avengers #9. All you need to know is that this comic is finally becoming as awesome as it was hyped to be. It has taken a while, but everything that made Uncanny X-Force so awesome has translated to Uncanny Avengers. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Cable and X-Force #10

Every week, I pick out a few comics to smear with brain matter. This week, that brain matter mixed with a whiney little bitch who has red hair, green eyes, and isn't named Jean Grey. That's right, it's another comic featuring Hope fucking Summers. These are the deranged and pissed off thoughts that emerge as a result of reading Cable and X-Force #10.

The first few pages of this issue suck donkey balls for the same reason the entire previous issue sucked elephant testicles. It involved Hope fucking Summers. She’s still looking for Cable, despite him making it very clear that he wants nothing to do with her for the time being. Either she’s had enough apocalyptic futures or she’s grown to the point where she reminds him way too much of his mother. And being a good adopted father is a lot harder when serious mommy issues are thrown into the mix. It’s also harder when said daughter is a bratty little bitch, but that’s beside the point. After pwning the Avengers and mind-fucking her foster parents, she catches up with Blaquesmith, who came with Cable from the future during X-Sanction, the last comic where Hope wasn’t such a bitch. Apparently, he’s now making a living running 7/11-like joints. As someone who has stumbled drunk into many such facilities, I can only offer Blaquesmith my sincerest thanks.

Finally, we ditch the Hope fucking Summers sub-plot that made the last issue so shitty and catch up with Cable and X-Force. Because…you know, it’s supposed to be their fucking book last I checked. They’re on the run and lying low, living on Forge’s Cheyenne reservation out of a trailer. Throw in some beer and a deep fried turkey and you’ve got the closest we’ll ever get to a redneck team of X-men. There’s something poetic about that, but it does offer a nice explanation of what they have been up to while Hope fucking Summers is busy being a total bitch. The exchange between the team is nicely done from Boom-Boom’s whining to Dr. Nemesis’s mastery of playing horseshoes. This is the part about Cable and X-Force that I missed. I’d much rather have this shit than stories about Hope fucking Summers being a bitch.

It’s not all beer and horseshoes for Cable though. He’s still having nasty visions of the future and apparently, these visions are starting to come in bunches. It’s not enough to just save the future once. Multiple forces just have to keep coming at them, trying to tear the world a new asshole. He describes how he now sees epic disasters in five different locations and apparently blowing up a fast food warehouse or setting a genocidal alien free didn’t fix much. At some point, I have to wonder if Cable just wants to say, “fuck it.”

But as overwhelmed as he is, Domino offers some advice that doesn’t involve dry humping or shooting pennies from a mile away. She kindly points out that X-Force is a team. They can actually get shit done on their own without him barking orders. He can maybe try trusting them to take on these disasters without him being on the front lines. It’s a novel concept, I know. And it’s coming from a hot chick who runs around in tight leather outfits. You’re not going to get better advice without it being engraved on Pamela Anderson’s last boob job.

Cable’s not the only one with leadership deficiencies either. Havok is still regularly falling flat on his ass in trying to lead the Uncanny Avengers. His team was already pwned by a bratty little Jean Grey ripoff in the previous issue. Their balls couldn’t be more shriveled if they let Mike Tyson punch them fifty times. But he’s still intent on finding Cable because the Summers family name is already tainted enough. Cable is a wanted mutant terrorist and his brother is a wanted mutant revolutionary. That officially makes him the sober one in Charlie Sheen’s family.

He still has a nice little conversation with Rogue. While Cable and his team may not be on the same level of “holy shit!” as the Apocalypse Twins or the Red Skull, it’s important that he be the one to bring Cable in. It’s personal because it’s a family affair. And it’s that personal touch that has helped make Cable and X-Force compelling, except when Hope fucking Summers is involved. And given all the pwnage the Uncanny Avengers have faced, they need to do something to un-collapse their balls.

They manage to locate Cable just as he’s trying to take Domino’s advice and delegate to his team. Now he’ll have to punch Havok in the jaw again, but his little condition that allows him to see the future makes that a little tricky to say the least. He suffers a full blown brain hemorrhage, forcing the rest of X-Force to take on the Uncanny Avengers. Thankfully, Forge has had way too much free time on his hands and apparently no internet porn. So he’s been hard at work, building some shit that he probably saw on the Discovery Channel or Night Rider reruns to help defend them. It’s not clear just where the fuck he stored this shit, but it does help buy X-Force some time and gives them a better shot at further pwnage.

And just when I was getting to enjoy NOT seeing Hope fucking Summers, we have to catch up with her and Blaquesmith. I guess I shouldn’t be completely repulsed. It’s not like this side-plot is being ignored, even though I wish it were. Hope basically tells him what we already know. Cable doesn’t want anything to do with her and why the fuck would he? She’s a messiah that didn’t sacrifice jack shit. That makes her the Ryan Leaf of messiahs. But then Blaquesmith reveals something interesting that has nothing to do with this failed rip-off character. He knows who has been fucking with Cable’s brain. Cable apparently was mulling retirement, but how the fuck can anyone who was born to a Jean Grey clone and raised a Jean Grey ripoff expect to retire?

And to add a little icing to this shit cake, Blaquesmith shoots Hope Summers. I’m sure it’s not going to kill her, but I can dream can’t I? It just makes her disappear. If only it would make her disappear permanently, but it’s still satisfying to see. This little bitch just mind fucked her adopted parents and the Uncanny Avengers. She deserves way worse than being shot.

Thankfully, that’s the last we see of Hope fucking Summers. From here on out, it’s all X-Force vs. Uncanny Avengers round 2 and it’s a pay-per-view worthy fight. There’s no negotiating or impassioned pleas this time. It’s just two opposing teams beating the shit out of each other and it’s very satisfying. We get to see Boom-Boom fight Sunfire, Havok and Captain America fight Forge’s toys, and Rogue take on Domino. My boner was hard enough, but when Thor kicked Colossus’s ass and Rogue took on his metal skin, I was officially equipped to hunt deer with this hard-on.

This is the kind of action that an X-Force comic ought to have, not an entire issue dedicated to some failed mutant messiah. I want to stop harping on how shitty the last issue was with Hope fucking Summers, but this battle and the story surrounding it was so awesome that I feel downright bitter about having to go through an issue of shitty filler. Thankfully, my attention span is very short when it comes to awesome comics. That or it’s the weed.

For the most part, the Uncanny Avengers avoid further pwnage. They rough up X-Force and show that Cable’s little band of outlaws are overmatched. But then Cable shakes off his brain hemorrhage with the same badass swagger (with help from Dr. Nemesis, of course) and uses his telepathy to mind-fuck the Uncanny Avengers into submission…again. It gives him and the team a golden opportunity to escape once again and destroy whatever is left of the Uncanny Avengers’ balls. At this point I want to feel sorry for the Uncanny Avengers, but given their collective douche-baggery since Avengers vs. X-men I’m still going to take a sadistic pleasure in it.

But unlike before, the pwnage isn’t complete. While X-Force does manage to get away, Cable’s tendency to give medical advice the finger caught up with him. He fell flat on his face after his telepathic attack and his team had to leave him behind. So while the Uncanny Avengers don’t have a whole team to throw in the jail cell that Cyclops escaped from, they have the guy responsible for it. In that sense their balls are allowed to unshrivel just a little. And with Cable in custody and more disasters to stop, it looks like X-Force is going to be stretched pretty thin, but in a very awesome sort of way.

These are my twisted thoughts on Cable and X-Force #10. Overall, it’s a solid recovery from the shit storm caused by Hope fucking Summers in the previous issue. This series is back on track to being awesome, provided it can keep the Hope fucking Summers content to a bare minimum. Nuff said!

Don't Stay in School: "Wolverine and the X-men #31"

The following is my review of Wolverine and the X-men #31, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Say you’re a school that caters solely to a bunch of young, immature, superpowered teenagers with poor impulse control and underdeveloped critical thinking skills. Let’s ignore for a moment that anyone tasked with managing this endeavor is either insane, foolish, or just enjoys being hacked off all the time. How much harder would it be to turn these young superpowered teenagers into moral, upstanding members of society as opposed to training them to be evil, selfish, blood-thirsty reprobates?

Since its inception, the Jean Grey Institute has been doing things the hard way. Wolverine (who you could easily argue is insane, foolish, and enjoys being hacked off all the time) has been struggling with it throughout the pages of Wolverine & the X-men. It hasn’t exactly been a booming success. The school has nearly been blown up on several occasions, it has been attacked by aliens and cosmic forces, and most recently a couple of students have defected to a new school that is trying to do things the easy way, the Hellfire Academy.

In both the real and the fictional world, it’s much easier to turn teenagers into unfeeling sociopaths than it is to turn them into the kinds of ideals inspired by iconic characters like Superman. The Hellfire Academy knows this and has set up their school to do just that, swiping students from the Jean Grey Institute and even hiring agents from within the school. Because if they’re going to set an example for their students, they need to first show them how to give their rivals a sufficient walloping. Both Idie and Kid Omega joined up, although they also indicated that they may be trying to infiltrate the school before it tries to blow up the Jean Grey Institute…again.

In the current Marvel universe where mutants are randomly arrested like minorities in South Central Los Angeles and anyone who tries to make a global utopia with a cosmic force is thrown in jail, teenagers have plenty of reasons to be miscreants. In that sense the Hellfire Academy has a lot to work with. We saw in the previous issue of Wolverine & the X-men how the Hellfires had the likes of Starblood, Mystique, and Sabretooth at their disposal. They have so many ways they can frustrate the Jean Grey Institute and corrupt young teenagers that they could probably make a reality show of it on the network that shall not be named.

In Wolverine & the X-men #31, readers are offered a thorough tour of the new Hellfire Academy. It comes mostly through the skewed perspective of Kid Omega, who left the Jean Grey Institute in the previous issue to follow Idie. Why he’s following her is hard to surmise. Trying to guess at the intentions of any narcissistic teenage is hard enough, but in some respects he offers the perfect perspective for the Hellfire Academy.

The exploration of the Hellfire Academy is beautifully organized, offering a fairly comprehensive understanding of how this training ground for future Dr. Dooms operates. Mystique is essentially in the same role as Storm, but rather than teach gardening tips she encourages her students to get in touch with their inner narcissist. And when Kid Omega tests her resolve, she makes it clear that bullying is not only permitted in this school, it earns students extra credit. That offers a telling insight into the incentives in place at this school.

In addition to Mystique, the Hellfire Academy has plenty of devious staff members. It depicts science lessons with Sauron, (alien) biology lessons with Starblood, hunting with Dog Logan, hellish literature with Master Pandeomnium, public relations with Madame Mondo (basically Mojo but feminized), and study period with a very temperamental Husk. Even Toad is there, but sadly he’s still the janitor. You may feel sorry for him, but even future supervillains need squeaky clean floors.

This large cast of villains presents a pretty daunting challenge to the staff at the Jean Grey Institute, but they only show up in this comic briefly. After Kid Omega and Idie left, they’re understandably angered and yet, also downright lost. It leads Wolverine to question the very existence of the Jean Grey Institute. Now maybe this is just excessive melodrama on his part, but it nicely reflects the utter frustration he and the others experience in their thankless efforts to prevent future Magnetos and Sinisters. I imagine there are real schools out there that share his frustration when they’re unable to prevent students from losing their way. At its core, Wolverine & the X-men has always been about running a school and this latest challenge nicely reflects that.

It also reflects how poorly Kid Omega plans things out. Throughout the issue, he muses over how he’s going to accomplish his goal of helping Idie. It’s clear he hasn’t even thought things through, but he eventually manages to stick in the craw of enough people to get sent to the “principal’s” office. And it’s here where we learn that like some for-profit educational institutions, the whole point of the Hellfire Academy is to drive up demand for sentinels. Because if there are deranged mutants in the world, that scares people into buying killer robots. It sounds so cynical, yet so logical. In terms of a genuine business plan, I could not find any flaws that weren’t purely ethical in nature.

And that’s what makes this issue so enjoyable. It’s conveyed in a fun, light-hearted tone despite the very serious overtones of the story. And as crazy as the concepts are, it does actually form a coherent plot. There’s a lot of entertainment value for a comic that involves a school bent on creating evil mutants and it’s not just because Mystique is in a sexy teacher’s outfit. This issue is the first of the five-part “Hellfire Saga” and based on what it established, it’s shaping up to be a hell of a saga so to speak.

Final Score: 9 out of 10

Age of Ultron #10 LEAK and SPOILERS!

I know I'm going to piss a few people off by doing this. Thankfully, I'm usually too shit faced to care. But in the same way nobody over the age of 16 will ever admit to liking Justin Bieber (you know who you are), nobody will ever admit to looking for spoilers when they leak out early on the internet. Like teenage boy caught having sex with his hot teacher, we pretend to be outraged yet we still gaze upon it the same way a dog gazes upon a juicy steak. I still remember how I pissed some people off by posting spoilers to Amazing Spider-Man #698 and #700. Well, fuck those people because I'm doing it again!

This time, the big spoilers come for Age of Ultron. On the surface it has been just another big time Marvel event that pits the Avengers against Ultron. It's pretty basic shit that has been mediocre for the most part, but from the very beginning Marvel has teased a huge, ass-clenching ending that will forever change the Marvel universe. Yeah, they promise that every other week, but this time they claim to mean it. Well tomorrow, Age of Ultron #10 comes out and Marvel has gone to great lengths to keep that ending secret. Well I guess they failed miserably because apparently, the issue has already leaked on file sharing sites and message boards. Because unfortunately for Marvel and all comic book publishers, the internet and scanners are just way too fucking easy to use. And unless they want to uninvent the interneet and incur the wrath of porn addicts everywhere, they have to live with this shit. And while I won't post scans (yet), I will post a leaked summary of Age of Ultron #10 that I found on a message board. If it's bullshit, I'll correct it. But this is what happens so clench your asshole and get ready.

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- Future Hank Pym gives present-ish Pym a code that will destroy Ultron

- Bendis-era Avengers fight the Intelligencia, then Ultron wakes up

- Pym uploads the program into Ultron as he fights the Avengers. Ultron thinks he's winning, but it activates some replicating virus thing that shuts him down, then Thor busts him into pieces.

- Sue and Wolverine return to the normal present and everything seems all hookers and whiskey...then everything starts to hiccup

Sort of like this.

- Pages of characters feeling the space-time continuum fucking up. We do see people from the 2099 stuff and MC2, like Female-Captain America and 2099 Doom.

- Things are somewhat normal, nothing's changed...except Wolverine's actions have caused tears into the multiverse. But, hey, we now have an official explanation for every plot hole and continuity error ever: It's all Wolverine's fault! So, yeah, other universes are starting to bleed into one another.

- In the Ultimate Universe, Miles is swinging around until the multiversal hiccups cause him to land on a roof... and looking up at Galactus. As in the 616 Galactus. Ladies and gentlemen, the premise of Hunger! No, really, Hunger is Galactus going to devour Ultimate Marvel's Earth.

I would say Ultimate was fucked, but it was fucked LONG before Galactus showed up.

- Hank and Tony are talking about how he could have fucked things up royally with Ultron, but now he discovers where Ultron went wrong.

- The ending: A page of a woman talking, not knowing how she ended up in the 616 universe. Next page, it's Angela, and she vows to kill whoever brought her here.

You can never have enough hot redheads. EVER.

So there you have it. Marvel is basically taking a page right out of DC's playbook and going the Crisis route. They're not just fucking up the 616 universe now. They're fucking up the entire Marvel multiverse. Is it an ending worththy of blowing brain matter from the skulls of every Marvel fan? I say no. DC was doing shit like this decades ago, but I actually welcome the prospect of involving 616 in other alternate universe. The multiverse is a big place and with characters like Angela and 2099 Doom, the possibility for awesome is pretty big.

And I admit I sqealed like a school girl in a new pair of shoes when I heard that Galactus was now in the Ultimate universe. I say good! Let him devour that rotting corpse of a Marvel universe. It has already been gang raped and shit on since Ultimatum and Death of Spider-Man. Let Galactus do the most merciful thing and destroy it completely. It's a series whose only contribution to Marvel is giving writers a way to kill characters that would get them tarred and feathered in 616. That makes it a glorified What If series that doesn't need to exist anymore. Just let it die and let Galactus gorge on it.

So Age of Ultron will definitely have some far-reaching implications. It takes what could have just been another Avengers vs. Ultron brawl and turns it into something with big possibilities. It remains to be seen what sort of possibilities that may be, but for now I'm all for it! And thus, I deem Age of Ultron #10 awesome. Nuff said!