Thursday, September 19, 2013

Wolverine and the X-men #36 PREVIEW - Telling Hints and Epic Battles

It's a good sign when a comic book arc is so awesome that even the previews get the blood pumping and the panties soaked. That or it could be a bad batch of blow. I'm going to assume it's a little a both. X-men Battle of the Atom is nearing the halfway point and so far it has succeeded in telling an epic time travel story that doesn't suck and doesn't involve Michael J. Fox. The struggle between the past, present, and future X-men effectively encompasses all the right elements of what it means to be X-men. Going all the way back to the first issue 50 years ago, this story has embodied so much of what has made X-men awesome of the past few decades. However, I think even Jack Kirby himself would be a little anxious about fans looking forward to an issue that involves two beautiful women engaging in a psychic brawl. And the promise of that brawl is what should get everyone excited about Newsarama's preview for Wolverine and the X-men #36, which marks the fifth part in the event and the convergance of multiple clusterfucks.


But it's not just the promise of "Emma Frost and Jean Grey: The Epic Rematch That Countless Male Fans and their Penises have been Waiting for" that gives the next issue its appeal. It's worth mentioning again to those who have good pot dealers that this is the halfway point. There's still a whole other half of comics to fill this event with awesome. So as important as the Jean/Emma rematch is, it is NOT the final showdown.

  
The preview doesn't reveal much about the battle between Emma and Jean Grey. But if Cyclops is right (and let's face it, this man is an expert in telepaths given the ones he's banged), then the battle between Xorna/Jean, Emma Frost, the Stepford Cuckoos, and O5 Jean Grey should be more epic than the final battle scene in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and the Chitari invasion in the Avengers movie combined. We don't get to see it, but I'm pretty sure that's just Marvel being a cocktease and like my dick at a strip club, I don't think anyone minds waiting for something that promises to be so awesome. But there's something else in this preview that's worth noting.

It wasn't that long ago that Wolverine and Cyclops went beyond just scolding each other over who got to bang Jean Grey and beat the living shit out of one another. That battle was part of what made Schism such an epic battle and a major turning point for the X-men. It led to the beginning of the Jean Grey Institute and the beginning of the end for Utopia. And the main argument Wolverine made back then, which he repeats right here in this preview, is that kids shouldn't be thrust into battles like this. It's not an invalid point to make. It's like saying nobody should take a piss on a sleeping polar bear. It's not going to end well.

The problem is Wolverine is making this argument after he did the same fucking thing that Cyclops did. Just a few issues ago in All New X-men, he led the O5 into a battle against Hydra and Mystique. This isn't Toad or or some purse snatcher along Miami Beach. This is fucking Hydra and Mystique. He didn't have to drag them into that fight, but he did. And the O5 chose to be in that fight in the same way Cyclops's students chose to be part of his revolution. I know the Cyclops haters will cry bullshit, but I also feel compelled to point out that Cyclops let one of his students go home after he chose not to stay. That mutant was Fabio and he didn't try and stop him. Fabio only ended up coming back when he got screwed over by SHIELD in ways that would make the ACLU shit themselves. Yet Wolverine is still going to bust Cyclops's balls? I'm sorry, but he's losing his credibility faster than the Cleveland Browns lost their last game.

I like the effects Schism has had on the X-books, but those effects sort of lose their impact when one side of the schism is full of shit. I like Wolverine and I would prefer that he leave the hypocritical bullshit to the Dr. Dooms of the world. But part of the strength of Battle of the Atom has been a bitter struggle between the O5's desire to stay and fix the future and the X-men's desire to not fuck up the timeline. And this old argument isn't helping that. It's just making Wolverine look too much like a douche. I can only hope that the bonerific battle between Emma and Jean Grey makes up for it. Nuff said!

20 comments:

  1. Wednesday can't come fast enough!!!
    Hope jean takes her mask off again :)

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  2. I will be pissed if the psychic battle takes place completely off panel.

    And just how strong is Xorna Jean that she's taking on Emma, the sisters, and her younger self ALL AT THE SAME TIME?

    And oh Lord, Scott and Logan discuss Schism for the nth time. Move along people; times a wastin'.

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    1. Well jean said she had to wear that mask because her powers kept growing

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    2. Amen on the your first point

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  3. Totally with you on the whole Wolverine BS. I read Schism like a week ago and still can't see how wolverine just flipped his stance so damn fast. All because Idie is mentally disturbed smh. Anyone else like Jubilee and/or X-23 would have told him to suck it up and shut up. But can't wait to see 2 fights! UXM vs Wolverine and the Future X-men. Rachel can help if the weirdo Xavier steps in. And Emma, kick Jean ass!!!

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    1. Wolvie's stance switch is because supposedly massacreing a bunch of ADULT people he never met who were actively trying to kill him, who just so happened to be children he never knew he had, somehow sent Wolvie into a fit of depression and turned him into a "Friend to all Children".

      Plus, I thought the argument as presented in Schism was weak overall. So yeah, its a super-sentinel. HOW many of those have you defeated handily? How many times have the New Mutants, and Gen-X, and New X-Men snuck out and gone into battle? Hell, even in WAXM, he hasn't been able to keep the kids out of fights. So as Schisms go, its a pretty weak one.

      Normally, in this fight, I'd be rooting for Jean, but given the situation, I'm going to be shaking my pom-poms for Emma & the Cuckoos.

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  4. You guys are commenting a lot faster these days. You must get way better shit than I do because I don't know where you get the energy. lol I agree that Wolverine's old Schism argument is falling apart faster than a mountain of shit in a hurricane. He's being a fucking hypocrite for bitching at Cyclops for doing something that he himself did only a few issues ago. Nobody can kill that many brain cells to forget something that happened that recently, even Wolverine. I don't care for Schism Part 2. I want to see the Jean Grey/Emma Frost rematch and so does my penis! Thanks for the comments guys.

    Jack

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  5. They better show us the psychic battle in all it fantastic glory akin to the Phoenix vs. White Queen and Dark Phoenix vs. Professor X during the Byrne/Claremont run! Damn it!!!

    !LikeAPhoenix!

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  6. IceColdEmmaFrost (ICEF)September 19, 2013 at 11:27 PM

    Wolverine has no room to talk about students and danger. Comparatively Scott's team has been pretty safe including going to Limbo. The shit those kids have gone through in Wolverine's book is ridiculous. Scott actually makes a good argument that he's literally looking our for himself, just like Emma said ;) I'm kinda glad we're getting a "Psychic stand down" for right now. Psychic battles can go on for years in the span of a few minutes in normal time. I don't expect a lot from this one, but I'll be happy if it turns out great. Honestly the only really GOOD psychic battles have been with Psylocke and Shadow King (X-men, and Xforce).

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  7. Agreed, plus Wolverine didn't see them overcame Limbo , Sentinel attack, and the quick brush-up with the Avengers. So they ain't all "green" as he is making em out to be. They are firing on all cylinders with all things considered.

    But for real though, can we get a double Optic Blast on Wolverine?

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  8. No wonder i give up on Maistream crap long time ago.

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    1. Go back to watching VHS tapes of independent movies from the 80s. Not being mainstream doesn't make you cool. It just makes you a douchebag.

      Jack

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    2. Douchebag? Im douchebag because i want stories what make sense and my favorite charakters dont act like total retards? Im douchebag because i dont want to be pissed off when i read or watch x-men?! Im douchebag because i dont buy anny bullshit what some idiot wrote, even when it make no sence in general!?! (They dont want start Civil war betwen mutants? What kind of crap it is?)
      Then you can call douchebags averyone who read your X-men supreme series. (And read something about good behavior.)

      Ps: English is not my language.
      PPs: I will watch what i want. So: "SHUT UP, MEG."

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    3. I apologize, but maybe I should have been clearer. You're a douche-bag when you label everything you don't like as "mainstream" as if not liking popular shit somehow makes you more special. It doesn't. Please be more specific next time. Keep in mind that this blog is run by a drunk.

      Jack

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    4. Then you should stop drinking and you see things clearier.
      Mainstream is meant this 616 reality where this, now really messed up stories, take place. Sometimes is there something good, but for most part...... And downfall started somwhere betwen death of Moira MacTaggert and apparent death of Colossus.
      I know that didnt likeing makes me special, i dont even want to be special. Also there is bunch of others who don't like way of curent stories.

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  9. Question: If Magneto's powers are "broken" how was he able to control the metal filings when Cyclops was in prison? That's a pretty precise ability and I'd imagine would take a lot of control, especially not being in the same room. Bad subplot, or is this going somewhere?

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    1. Don't... ask that question. Because then you'll ask the even better one.

      If Magneto is so opposed to Cyclops walking around free after murdering Xavier.. WHY IN THE NAME OF ZEUS' BUNGHOLE DID HE BREAK HIM OUT OF PRISON?!

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    2. Good question. Probably doesn't have a good answer. My advice is to just take a few extra bong hits so that you forget about that question whenever it pops into your head.

      Jack

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