All New X-men #20 Cover - Who The Fuck Is X-23 Kissing?!

Nothing gets comic book fans more riled up than seeing seeing their favorite heroes swap spit with someone unexpected. It's like giving a meth addict a case of Red Bull. It'll create the kind of shit storm that will have fans either dreading how this will ruin their favorite characters or contemplating how they'll use this to create smut fanfiction. Now I admit I've been fairly guilty of participating in this shit storm before. I also admit I tend to react strongly to kisses that I deem too fucked up to take place outside Bangkok whore house. But at least I'm honest about it.

Honesty still makes me sick to my stomach.

But not every superhero kiss triggers the kind of reaction that I usually reserve for bar fights after football games. Sometimes they trigger genuine intrigue that makes me contemplate things that I don't usually contemplate without a kickass strain of weed. Earlier today, Marvel released their solicitations for December 2013. Usually at this time of year, I'm focused on getting drunk on eggnog. But a future issue of All New X-men #20 has me thinking I might add a little extra bourbon this year.

ALL-NEW X-MEN #20
BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS (W) • BRANDON PETERSON (A/C)
X-MEN 50th ANNIVERSARY VARIANT by TBD
• The fallout of X-MEN: BATTLE OF THE ATOM continues!
• X-23 is back and kissing… WHO IS THE MYSTERY MAN??!
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

Well this confirms one of two things. First and foremost, it confirms what was already hinted at earlier this year at San Diego Comic Con. At the X-men Panel, it was announced that X-23 would be rejoining the X-books after her extended stint in Avengers Arena. And not able to contain his excitement, Brian Michael Bendis hinted that she would be joining one of his books. Well we now know that he wasn't just drinking too much Red Bull. X-23 is officially coming to All New X-men. And she won't waste time getting friendly with her new team. Like Wolverine, she just has to get emotionally entangled with someone or fuck them, whichever comes first.

But who could it be? Who would be in a position to soak X-23's panties? She hasn't had much of a love life since Hellion turned out to be a total prick. She didn't get a lot of action in Avengers Arena so who catches her fancy in All New X-men? I posed this question on the CBR Message Board, but that was like asking retarded dog for help on my Calculus homework. Everyone seems to be making some pretty major assumptions, namely that X-23 is going to hook up with O5 Cyclops. Their primary reason...it would make Wolverine shit out his spine. Now I don't deny that Wolverine would probably react more violently than Charlie Sheen when he's out of blow at the knowledge of his clone daughter hooking up with Cyclops, but beyond that what the fuck would it do? I'm not saying it isn't possible. Bendis has already shown that he's willing to entertain fucked up pairings in All New X-men. But this shit would make even less sense than Jean and Beast.

I usually try not to make predictions because I rarely make good ones when it comes to comics. But I suspect this could be either O5 Iceman or O5 Angel. First of all, the guy in the cover doesn't have Cyclops's hair style or any hint of a visor. Iceman tends to have shorter hair more akin to Brad Pitt whereas Cyclops's hair is more akin to George Clooney. O5 Angel also has a similar hairstyle and given the shakeups in Battle of the Atom, he might end up rejoining the team. His wings might not be visible, but that doesn't mean they're not there. But at this point, I hope it's O5 Iceman and here's why.

To date, every character in the O5 has had a major story about them. O5 Cyclops and Jean Grey have been at the center of damn near every arc to date. O5 Beast shined early on when he helped heal his older self. O5 Angel got some face time when he met his older self and defected to Cyclops's revolutionary team. But O5 Iceman hasn't done jack shit. He hasn't been a major player in any of the arcs. He hasn't even been given a love interest. His willingness to flirt with a dangerous mutant girl in X-men Battle of the Atom #1 shows that he still has a functioning penis. He also showed that his penis responds favorably to dangerous girls and X-23 is dangerous on a level that even my ex-girlfriends can't match. And since everyone else seems to be getting their dicks wet in All New X-men, why not Iceman?

Then again, Bendis has been known to give the finger to expectations in the past. It really does depend on how Battle of the Atom ends. If the story ends with Cyclops and Jean becoming more distant, then I think X-23 will act as a rebound girl for O5 Cyclops. But if that story ends with them becoming closer and the Hank issue falling to the wayside, then I think O5 Iceman or O5 Angel are more likely. So far in Battle of the Atom, Jean and Scott have had their share of moments. But Marvel has shown time and again that they're willing to totally fuck up relationships, even long-established and cherished relationships. For that reason, I'm keeping my rubber boots handy because I'm certain that when the identity of the mystery man is revealed, a river of bullshit will follow. Nuff said!