Thursday, September 12, 2013

All New X-men #20 Cover - Who The Fuck Is X-23 Kissing?!

Nothing gets comic book fans more riled up than seeing seeing their favorite heroes swap spit with someone unexpected. It's like giving a meth addict a case of Red Bull. It'll create the kind of shit storm that will have fans either dreading how this will ruin their favorite characters or contemplating how they'll use this to create smut fanfiction. Now I admit I've been fairly guilty of participating in this shit storm before. I also admit I tend to react strongly to kisses that I deem too fucked up to take place outside Bangkok whore house. But at least I'm honest about it.

Honesty still makes me sick to my stomach.
But not every superhero kiss triggers the kind of reaction that I usually reserve for bar fights after football games. Sometimes they trigger genuine intrigue that makes me contemplate things that I don't usually contemplate without a kickass strain of weed. Earlier today, Marvel released their solicitations for December 2013. Usually at this time of year, I'm focused on getting drunk on eggnog. But a future issue of All New X-men #20 has me thinking I might add a little extra bourbon this year.


ALL-NEW X-MEN #20
BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS (W) • BRANDON PETERSON (A/C)
X-MEN 50th ANNIVERSARY VARIANT by TBD
• The fallout of X-MEN: BATTLE OF THE ATOM continues!
• X-23 is back and kissing… WHO IS THE MYSTERY MAN??!
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99


Well this confirms one of two things. First and foremost, it confirms what was already hinted at earlier this year at San Diego Comic Con. At the X-men Panel, it was announced that X-23 would be rejoining the X-books after her extended stint in Avengers Arena. And not able to contain his excitement, Brian Michael Bendis hinted that she would be joining one of his books. Well we now know that he wasn't just drinking too much Red Bull. X-23 is officially coming to All New X-men. And she won't waste time getting friendly with her new team. Like Wolverine, she just has to get emotionally entangled with someone or fuck them, whichever comes first.

But who could it be? Who would be in a position to soak X-23's panties? She hasn't had much of a love life since Hellion turned out to be a total prick. She didn't get a lot of action in Avengers Arena so who catches her fancy in All New X-men? I posed this question on the CBR Message Board, but that was like asking retarded dog for help on my Calculus homework. Everyone seems to be making some pretty major assumptions, namely that X-23 is going to hook up with O5 Cyclops. Their primary reason...it would make Wolverine shit out his spine. Now I don't deny that Wolverine would probably react more violently than Charlie Sheen when he's out of blow at the knowledge of his clone daughter hooking up with Cyclops, but beyond that what the fuck would it do? I'm not saying it isn't possible. Bendis has already shown that he's willing to entertain fucked up pairings in All New X-men. But this shit would make even less sense than Jean and Beast.

I usually try not to make predictions because I rarely make good ones when it comes to comics. But I suspect this could be either O5 Iceman or O5 Angel. First of all, the guy in the cover doesn't have Cyclops's hair style or any hint of a visor. Iceman tends to have shorter hair more akin to Brad Pitt whereas Cyclops's hair is more akin to George Clooney. O5 Angel also has a similar hairstyle and given the shakeups in Battle of the Atom, he might end up rejoining the team. His wings might not be visible, but that doesn't mean they're not there. But at this point, I hope it's O5 Iceman and here's why.

To date, every character in the O5 has had a major story about them. O5 Cyclops and Jean Grey have been at the center of damn near every arc to date. O5 Beast shined early on when he helped heal his older self. O5 Angel got some face time when he met his older self and defected to Cyclops's revolutionary team. But O5 Iceman hasn't done jack shit. He hasn't been a major player in any of the arcs. He hasn't even been given a love interest. His willingness to flirt with a dangerous mutant girl in X-men Battle of the Atom #1 shows that he still has a functioning penis. He also showed that his penis responds favorably to dangerous girls and X-23 is dangerous on a level that even my ex-girlfriends can't match. And since everyone else seems to be getting their dicks wet in All New X-men, why not Iceman?

Then again, Bendis has been known to give the finger to expectations in the past. It really does depend on how Battle of the Atom ends. If the story ends with Cyclops and Jean becoming more distant, then I think X-23 will act as a rebound girl for O5 Cyclops. But if that story ends with them becoming closer and the Hank issue falling to the wayside, then I think O5 Iceman or O5 Angel are more likely. So far in Battle of the Atom, Jean and Scott have had their share of moments. But Marvel has shown time and again that they're willing to totally fuck up relationships, even long-established and cherished relationships. For that reason, I'm keeping my rubber boots handy because I'm certain that when the identity of the mystery man is revealed, a river of bullshit will follow. Nuff said!

19 comments:

  1. Normally, I agree with you, and you're *probably* right, but y'see, in my opinion, after all the WEIRD ass relationship choices lately (Kitty/Adult-Bobby, Domino/Colossus, Teen-Jean/Teen-Hank), I want ONE ball-bustingly weird-ass ship-tease even if it only lasts ONE STINKING ISSUE, just so I can OWN IT. Yes, I want Teen-Cyclops/Laura, even if its nothing more than her doing some weird pon-farr mating thing and kicking him to the curb as soon as he's spent.

    After all the CRAP i've had to read these last years, GIVE ME THIS!!!!! :D

    Sorry, I may be drunk.

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    1. I think you are drunk. Why the fuck would X-23 and O5 Cyclops work in any capacity? Not saying it won't happen in the fucked up world of Marvel comics, but doing it just for the sake of doing it makes no sense. That works for drinking and weed, but not for compelling comic book stories. Just saying.

      Jack

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    2. Currently, lots of people look at both Teen Scott and Laura and monsters, or at least people who will become monsters eventually. They both are outcasts even among other outcasts, and relationships have been built upon less.

      Personally, I think that if they aren't going to put Scott and Jean back together, then they need to move him away from the substitute Jean angle they always used before. No redheads. No telepaths. Something that doesn't even look like Jean at all. Laura fits the bill.

      Rothstien-Smash

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    3. Oh, I have no idea.

      Why would Jean suddenly fall in love with Hank?

      Why would Domino bat her eyes at Colossus when she's working with Cable again?

      Why would Kitty announce Bobby has a thing for her out of the blue to make him ask her out?

      Better yet, why would Peter Parker sell his marriage to the devil to save the life of an octogenarian who wouldn't have wanted him to do it?

      Because the writers thought it would be cool.

      Well I think *this* would be cool, no matter how terrible an idea it actually is, and it's high time one of *my* bad fan-fic ideas made it into publication for a change?

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    4. I don't think people see Cyclops or X-23 as monsters. Killers maybe. Assholes, probably. But not monsters. And that alone isn't reason enough for them to hook up. X-23 is cold, impulsive, and temperamental. Cyclops is precisely not that. And don't give me the whole opposites attract bullshit. That's good for a one night stand. It's not good for a long-term relationship. There has to be a little something called chemistry. Some characters have it. Some don't. It's not about how "cool" it would be. It's about whether it would make a decent story. DC Comics thought there was a story to be told for Superman/Wonder Woman and they were fucking right. I don't see that same story potential for Cyclops and X-23. They haven't even fucking met. At least Jean and Beast actually knew each other. Same with Colossus and Domino. There's random bullshit and then there's just bullshit.

      Jack

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    5. It depends on how they meet and what happens from there. After all, A while back I hadn't even met my wife yet, and we have been together for 12 years so far.

      But really, comic book relationships aren't really about what works in a couple. If it was, Jean probably would have shacked up with Logan and Scott would have moved in with Ororo years ago. Comic book relationships are normally about two things: tittilation and drama. Ask yourself, of all the people in All-New X-Men, which one person hooking up with X-23 would provide the largest amount of drama? One name rises to the top of that list: Scott. Bullshit or not, I think that's the driving force, and the justification will be made to fit what Bendis thinks creates the conflict.

      Rothstein-Smash

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  2. I'm just happy to see x23 back in a xmen series where she belongs. Now I did like her in the academy, but the avengers arena just sucked in my opinion. X23 is one of my favorite 'newer' characters. As for who she is tonguing on the cover, well I think it is gonna be a really fucked up romance that has no business of happening. Then again, that might make the series an even better read. Then again, what the fuck do I know.

    -brett

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    1. Agreed. X-23 had her moments in Avengers Academy, but she belongs in the X-books. And I think she'll fit right in with the All New X-men. They need some young blood and X-23 has that and the ability to spill it. As for her romantic interests, I think she needs that too. Since that shit with Hellion, she needs someone new to soak her panties.

      Jack

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  3. I hope it's teen beast as I loathe beast/Jean way more than Logan/Jean. And yeah teen cyclops/x23 would be just as bad, ugh

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    1. Wouldn't mind that, but I don't think Beast is likely. The image doesn't fit his stocky body type. I think Iceman is a better fit, if for no other reason than because he has had no fucking action to date in All New X-men. Give the guy a break. He needs a little lovin' too!

      Jack

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  4. Yea, I agree it's probably Bobby or might be Wolverine and Mystique's kid from the future if you wanna get weird. Btw what happened between her and Hellion? And what the fuck is he up to nowadays.

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    1. Basically, Majorie Liu devoted an issue of the X-23 solo series to making Hellion an even bigger, needy jackass, and Laura basically telling him what they had was just hormones and telling him to stop obsessing over her.

      I'm over-simplifying, as I haven't read that issue in a while, but that's basically what happened.

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    2. Basically, Hellion acted like a total douche-bag and X-23 cut ties with him. That's all you need to know. But I don't think Wolverine and Mystique's kid will want to hook up with X-23. That would be more than borderline incest. Even Daken didn't go that far and he'll stick his dick in anything with a pulse. I think Iceman is probably the best candidate right now, but I've been wrong before.

      Jack

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  5. Laura + Julian is my favorite relationship and my favorite characters, I want them to be together forever. Julian needs more face time too, but to Bendis to bring both X-23 and Julian back to the main cast is probably asking too much. But Bobby is also one of my favorite characters so I wouldn't mind if it were him but let's be honest it would still be very pedo~ish if it were Laura/Bobby. But I'm also secretly hoping that the silhouette is just a place holder and its Laura/Jubilee. ^~^

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    1. I had a soft spot for Laura and Julian as well, but Marvel seems to have no interest in bringing them back together. And since the shadowy figure in this cover has hands, I doubt it would be Julian. And why the fuck would it be pedoish if it was Iceman? They're both fucking teenagers dude. I'd love it if it was Jubilee too, but let's face it. That's too awesome for Marvel to do.

      Jack

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  6. In a kinda fucked up way it's the Wolverine & Jean version with Cyclops & X23. But honestly I want it to be someone completely different and they're just blacking them out to hide the reveal that all the O5 kids went back to where they came from. Cause let's be honest, can Marvel really continue having two of Scott, Bobby, Warren, Hank hanging around when there's a shit ton of Xmen that already aren't getting the page time and attention? If they keep them here and NOTHING changes out of BOTA it's going to make Marvel even more fucked up than it already is.

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    1. I agree that I would rather it not be Cyclops, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was. Marvel just loves to throw in crazy drama with him. Personally, I think they've done enough between him, Jean, and him dealing with killing Xavier. This shit would just be overboard, but Bendis has been known to go overboard before so I wouldn't put it past him.

      Jack

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    2. So this is the important thing now?
      Gossiping over an x men comic book like teenagers?

      Can't sjws in the industry just dissapear into an alternate dimension or something? You people are the worst.

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  7. I'm not opne to kid but are these gonna be the O5? Who knows maybe it'll be a new All New Xmen?...

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