All New X-men #17 PREVIEW - New Details and Crazy Theories

It used to be pretty easy to figure out who the bad guys were in comics. If they had mustaches, sinister eyes, or were a horribly racist stereotype, then there really wasn’t much room for confusion. A guy like me could read a comic high as fuck and still figure out who needed to an omega level kick to the balls. Then Marvel had to get fancy with events like Civil War where heroes fight heroes and nobody was completely evil. It forced readers like me to be a lot more sober when assessing the story. This had its share of drawbacks, but it has led to complex and engaging stories.

X-men: Battle of the Atom is attempting to be more than just another clash between mutants and giant robots. It took pages right out of Civil War and Back to the Future, pitting past X-men with future X-men. But at around the halfway point in the story, it takes the kind of turn that will twist perceptions like a bad hit of LSD. Now there’s reason to believe that the future X-men who sounded all noble and righteous in trying to save the future might be lying out their asses. That reason was basically confirmed by the end of Wolverine and the X-men #36. Somebody here isn’t telling the truth and if a drunk like me can see that, then something done gone horribly wrong.

So far, details on what that horrible something is are vague at best and non-existent at worse. Fans tend to come up with some pretty fucked up theories when they aren’t given specifics. I’m sure there is already a contingent of fans that believe every one of the future X-men are Skrulls. But the next issue in Battle of the Atom, which happens to be All New X-men #17, adds some details to just how fucked the O5 X-men may be as Magik takes O5 Beast and Iceman to the future to meet yet another team of X-men. CBR recently posted a preview of issue, but it’s only going to raise more questions than answers.

CBR: All New X-men #17 PREVIEW
And for the record, it doesn’t discount the Skrull theory. I honestly don’t think there will ever be a Marvel event where some segment of fans don’t suspect that Skrulls are involved.

I’m going to try and not jump to conclusions, but since I’m a drunk I would probably have better luck passing a breathalyzer test on St. Patrick’s Day. If these are the real X-men, then those future X-men trying send the O5 back to the past might as well be the Brotherhood or something like them. This future where X-men and killer robots live in harmony must not be enough for them. It also implies that the O5 X-men actually do some good by staying in the present. And who the hell wants to tell a bunch of teenagers that they made the right call in defying what a bunch of competent adults tell them?

But what may be just as confusing is the brother/sister moment between Magik and Colossus. I seem to recall Magik trolling Colossus so horribly after Avengers vs. X-men that he would snap her neck and draw dicks on her face in permanent marker rather than accept her Soul Sword. Magik is still supposed to be the demon loving bitch that probably haunts Pat Robertson’s nightmares/wet dreams. Yet here she hugs the same brother she basically gave the finger to? I know teenage girls aren’t known for being rational, but this is pushing it.

At the very least, this preview gives me more reason to suspect that Xavier and his pack of future “X-men” are full of shit. One of them may still be a shape shifter. One of them may be using advanced telepathy to fuck with their perceptions. Or maybe there’s no shape shifting and telepathy at all and they’re just flat out lying. Whatever the case, they’re fucking with the O5 X-men in some way and they’re going to try and screw them over. Because that’s what happens in a book about heroes fighting heroes. When they’re not trying to bang each other, they’re trying to screw each other over and it looks like Battle of the Atom will have plenty of screwing for multiple timelines. Nuff said!