Saturday, October 20, 2012

MORE All New X-men #1 Preview Pages (And Cyclops Kicking Ass)

Just when I think Marvel has done enough to spoil a comic, they find new ways to get away with it. It's not enough that they like to leak spoilers for big issues to mainstream media the day before the issue hits. On some levels I applaud their foresight because someone at that company is smart enough to tell his boss, "Fuck it. This shit will be all over the internet anyways. Why not exploit the living hell out of it?" Well like that hooker I picked up at an S&M club last week, I say exploit me motherfuckers!

I've done a series of blog posts recently on the various pages of All New X-men #1 that Marvel has spoon fed the web. The first time was basically a glorified teaser, which is not too outrageous for a comic company to do. The second time took it a step further, spoiling the whole fucking ending. You would think by now that All New X-men #1 is more spoiled than a tun sandwich left in a locked car for three days in Phoenix, Arizona. Well what's a little food poisoning and violent diarrhea at this point? This past week, Marvel has spoiled yet more panels that spoil way more than the ending.

The biggest revelation, which is probably the least surprising revelation since Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to banging Bridget Nielson when it was still something to brag about, is that Cyclops apparently got paroled from prison. And Emma Frost also managed to suck enough dicks to get pardoned. So they're free, they're hanging out with Magneto, and making it clear that the Avengers and the X-men that joined them can go fuck themselves.

And if the message wasn't clear enough, Cyclops gives them the finger in a very creative X-men style way.

It may be a cheap spoiler, but it is a major spoiler in the sense that we know how the shit unfolding in Avengers vs. X-men Consequences ends. Cyclops doesn't just break out of jail. He jumps right back into action and doesn't give a sliver of a fuck that he's still a fugitive. It's the kind of badass usually reserved for Wolverine, but Wolverine's badassery has been since replaced by douche-baggery as was so eloquently described in Avengers vs. X-men Consequences #2. So not only was Cyclops right, but he's also brazen enough to bust out of jail and continue fucking with the Avengers. Excuse me. I just teared up a little.

But as nice as it is to see Cyclops and what's left of the Extinction Team kicking around, it does raise some additional and possibly distressing questions. Namely, what the fuck is Cyclops doing that has the rest of the X-men thinking his younger self would be so disgusted? In the previews, it looks like he's saving mutants and/or throwing himself into anti-mutant rights to bust some heads. How is that shit against anything Xavier taught him? Is it because he's doing it with Magneto, a former stripper, and a teenage girl who was possessed by a demon? Fuck, why would anyone be disgusted by that. Hell, that just shows a commitment to teaching former villains to kick ass!

Another issue that hasn't been addressed is the Cyclops/Emma relationship. I've bitched about it a lot on this blog and made no bones about it. After the events of Avengers vs. X-men, these two should at the very least should take a break from making pornos. When Emma tried to convince Cyclops to burn the world to a crisp and when Cyclops ditched Emma to find Hope, that's shit that even Dr. Phil would say is unhealthy. Now Marvel has yet to clear up whether their relationship is over or if they're just going to sweep everything under the rug like they always do so they can keep pretending that these two somehow share a love that's deeper than your typical porno. But if these two are still together after the sheer recklessness with which they've handled them lately, it'll only prove that the writers at Marvel have stopped giving a damn.

I'm trying to be optimistic. Seeing Cyclops out of jail and giving the finger to the Marvel universe that screwed him over is more than enough to warrant buying multiple copies of this comic. We already know the Original Five are going to clash with their modern counterparts. This just promises to make that clash all the more awesome. Nuff said!


  1. So the former P3: magik, Emma, Scott are joining with Magneto as a new team. Emma and Magneto have experience recruiting mutants (and with Xavier dead it makes them the last two of the three who did that). Danger let out all the baddies (including Empath) which gives them a group to go after. I think as long as marvel doesn't try to make these guys villains, it'll work, under a good writer. I wish they had new uniforms tho.

  2. I know in your drunken stupors(lol your words no mine) even you can see the awesomeness of this Cyclopes page giving the camera a whole fuck you sign saying "I just restored mutant kind broke out a prison and recruiting my own brotherhood of muntant rights terrorists. I am one BAMOF." I only have one issue with the end of Avengers vs X-men. I'm not saying that Cyclopes wasn't right on some parts and the avengers aren't wrong in the rest of this arc. The only thing that's got is is Scott's presumption that the phoenix would come and everything would be like the fucking ending of Snow white with a happy ending and dwarves being happy about their maide being gone. Its a two way street Cyclopes could've easily been WRONG!!!! You saw how Hope reacted to first being introduced to the flaming chicken she was being a bitch about it saying herself that it was to much and she couldn't control it, despite all the so called traininng she got with Cable what a JOKE, and even asking wolverine to off her.(Showing how much she sucks being compared to Jean Grey NO CONTEST). Cyclopes was willing to base his presumption on a shot in the dark and what would've happen if he would of been wrong. HMMMM... let me think the world would burn, everyone would die, and Cyclopes would meet Wolverine in hell with enough time to say OOPSIE MY BAD before Wolverine sliced his balls off. THe only reason Cyclopes was right was because of a matter of dumb luck, no more no less. In fact, without the events after the Phoenix five their is no way that shot would've turned in Cyclopes's favor because the Avengers were their to help Hope control the power of the Phoenix, so he should be kissing the Avengers asses because if they tried it his way of just letting it happen everyone would've gotten fucked. That's why Scott is pissing me off because even after all the shit he was taught he still has the audacity to say "Hey, even though I killed a man who was a father to me ,and was spiritually hyped up with a cosmic chicken that took over the girl I was banging, I can still open up the victory champagne and coke lines because I was right and you punk asses you were wrong.That's BULLSHIT. He was only right because of dumb luck and circumstance. And the whole Avenegers vs. X-men Consequences #2 still proves to me that Cyclopes is still a pompous school yard douchebag and his whole self presumed I'm right idea is only feeding his ego.
    I don't know if you watch cartoons Jack Fisher or old Indiana Jones movies ,but try watching the last couple of episodes of the last airbender, where team avatar is talking to Iroh about defeating Ozai and how history will see it as, and take the last crusade from Indiana Jones, during the book burning where Indy gets the book back from the German chick and says that she pissed on what the Grail stood for try replacing the characters with Wolverine as Indy and Scott as the chick( seems appropriate) and switch out the word Grail with Xavier's dream, compare this with the content for A VS X consequnces 2. That's what will be the true consequences of this ark because of Cyclope's presumption the world will see the event as already powerful beings getting more power and making the world their own fucking playground and just because of a matter of dumb luck( mainly becuase of the Avengers) they got what they want more mutants in exchange for their ethics and souls. Seems like a pretty fair trade, right? Bullshit. Anyway sorry for the rant and if possible I would love to here your relpy to my thoughts. Because I absolutly love X-men and I respect you and your creation of this site to illustrate your fandom and your ability to review comics in a wasted and high state. So I would greatly appreciate a relpy if you ever get around to reading it.
    From an X-men fan

    1. Thanks for the lengthy rant (I still proclaim I'm better at it when I'm drunk). But you're forgetting one key aspect about that two-way street. Cyclops saw the future in X-Sanction. Cable showed what would happen if he let the Avengers take Hope. Cable flat out told him that Hope would save them all. It wasn't blind faith. He had fucking foresight from the motherfucking future. I think that would give him more than enough reason to conclude that the Phoenix Force will save them. It's not like Hope was subtle about her Phoenix connection either, what with her being a shitty Jean Grey ripoff.


  3. It's the mystery black guy and the mystery Rachel-looking girl!

  4. Facebook Gal here:

    Cyclops also saw the Days of Future Past and knows how fine the line mutants walk really is. Yeah, he may have forestalled one nasty future, but he made another one that much more likely.

    Honestly, after Age of X showed how powerful Legion is, Scott should have just asked the kid to undo Wanda's curse. No need for flaming cosmic forces. That would have been intelligent and logical. How unfortunate Marvel is neither.

    My guess is David Haller is going to be recast as the new Charles and Scott will be the new Magneto (and even more Magnetoier than Magneto since he has 2 dead wives and his kids are far less whinny than Pietro and Wanda). While I would love to see more of David (ya'll know I carry a torch for that much-abused and too frequently forgotten character) I don't want to see Cyclops as a bad guy. I liked him as a hero.

    Um, just to point out a lil' something as a woman. If a guy did to me what Scott did to Emma at the end of AvX, not only would I not join his team and make sure he never saw me in a corset again, I'd introduce him to the business end of a puff added applied topically to his nether region! Emma just forgives the guy? Sheesh. Never took her for a mouse.

  5. That was supposed to be a puff ADDER. My @^&#&*@ spell checker doesn't know that is a snake!

  6. I don't know if you three anonymous posters are the same person, but I'm glad those mystery characters we saw in the backgrounds of the teasers weren't just random. It looks like they could be the first in a new generation of mutants an hopefully they won't suck like some of the Generation Hope mutants (Teon is still awesome though).

    As for Emma Frost forgiving Cyclops, I agree that most NORMAL people would not go back to him after the shit he pulled. But Emma Frost is not normal. Hell, just look at her tits. I hope that Marvel isn't stupid enough to keep them together, but they just don't seem to care about that shit anymore. I would prefer they stay single for a while, but again that would just make too much fucking sense. And that's not how Marvel does things. Go figure.